smash_logs | Dorm Log: Scorching Summer Edition

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Dorm Log: Scorching Summer Edition

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As much as she didn't want to admit it, she was sure entertaining any serious thoughts about him just as well would lead to inevitable disappointment. It was a bitter, sad thought, but also quick fleeting.

"I've never worn humility well." She mirrored his sneer but that too was fleeting. It didn't look quite right on her face, there just for his sake. She whipped her head to the side and gathered her disheveled hair back into her red scrunchie with a few flicks of her wrist and a snap; a well-experienced master at taming her long golden locks.

Samus didn't wear pride very well for that matter either, but she was a very objective woman, on or off the battlefield.

"...But I know what I'm good at."

If she wanted his undivided attention, she got it. Easily too. Especially when she started to pull her hair back. For as much as logic tugged at him, there was no denying something factual.

And Samus was one hot piece of ass. No disputes. No arguments. No two ways about it. It was kind of agitating, really. In a masochistic kind of way.

"Puts you a step above most people. In the world, we either devalue ourselves what we're really worth, or we think we're a lot greater than we actually are." He pointed to her as he pulled pulled himself from where he'd been content leaning. "And then there's someone in the world like you. And everyone else knows you're not just blowing smoke either."

Words of wisdom from an experienced warrior such as he. Or words of flattery from a experienced Snake such as he. Either way it did well to give her a moment's pause, and feel a trickle of heat pool in her cheeks. Compliments were never easy for her to take.

"And you would know how to blow a lot of smoke, wouldn't you?" The sneer flashed back, again, just accentuate the friendly tease. It was more of a literal statement than a figurative one. He seemed to be the type who was earnest with his words, positive and negative, and it was something she greatly respected. For a few tense moments she locked eyes with him, feeling an unbearable amount of feelings threatening to spill over until she looked away, sighing deeply.

There was so much she wanted to say, and didn't even know where to start.

"I can't help but wonder what I'm doing here sometimes, now that I'm not chasing bounties or ghosts that much anymore." It wasn't as though Samus had stopped doing that (nothing paid the bills like a quick peak at the local 'most wanted' sign) or felt like she lost her sense of purpose or a desire to go combat space horrors like no one else could, but, she often wondered her purpose of being here--at this whacky fighting Academy, training in this whacky fighting Academy stadium for a fight that felt like it would never come again.

Or worst of all, a fight that didn't even need her.

"I've been here a long time, Snake."

Ha, ha.

"Very funny," was his sarcastic reply.

But he didn't say anything more past that. Mostly because she had spoken up. And he thought he heard himself in what she had to say. What was he even doing in the academy? Why had he even come? Mostly because they had needed him. Partially because he was trying to put things together on what he'd lost. Why did he stay? Closure, he guessed.

What after that?

It was less about him, however, and definitely more about her. At least he wanted it to be more about her. Most of the time he didn't know how to do that, though. So perhaps for once, she needed him to listen. No humourous remarks. No laughing things off. No being a dick purely for the comedic effect. Just... being plain old David.

And for a while, he'd wondered if he'd forgotten how to be a normal man. If he even knew what 'normal' was.

He nodded, "Yeah. Seemed that way to me." No rush. No hurry. Just one moment after another.

Closure--maybe that was something she was searching for too, without wanting to admit it. It wouldn't come with Ionia, and she wasn't sure if it really came with Jeff. As of right now, she definitely didn't have it with Snake--little bubbles of tension that had no where else to go.

"Yeah." She ran a hand through her bangs, despite her fussing with her hair just a few moments ago. "Nearly five years now. It feels like forever sometimes... and sometimes it feels like no time at all. Five years ago I would've been questioning if I lived long enough to see today."

She was... really beautiful then.

Hand in her hair, expression as it was. 'Wistful' wasn't the word for it, but it was the best thing he could think of. Samus Aran was a little awe-inspiring, whatever the case might have been. She had always been the queen of incentive. Definitely a leader and when she barked orders, even if he was scoffing, Snake was willing to play along. But in the present, something about her seemed... different.

And increasingly familiar. As if they had talked this way before. And it really dawned on him that they had.

"Five years is a long time," Snake agreed with another slow nod, far more subtle than before as he wondered where she was really trying to drive things. "You've got good things here, though. A life. A reason. A necessity." He didn't think it was an empty existence for her by any means.

People needed her, after all. In some form.

"I have a reason back out there too, you know." There wasn't any hint of vitriol or even disagreement in her tone, but something more akin to disappointment. It was a grande, vague, big reason "out there" meant; back in space, that is. It's what she was made--genetically crafted and trained--to do. Fight monsters that no one else could. Save the universe. Carry on a legacy of a dead race and their dead bioweapons. The last of her kind--a bioweapon herself.

Samus would never understand what a life of normalcy meant.

"When I first crash landed here," And again, she surprised herself with how much ease came with speaking to him about things like this, "I couldn't wait to fix my ship and leave. I thought there were all kinds of monsters out there that needed slaying, and people that needed protecting. After only a few days here I learned there were monsters here too."

She paused, letting a grim expression settle on her face, and with no small amount of venom in her voice. "Porky."

Edited 2013-07-14 22:02 (UTC)

There was...

Something eerily familiar about the way she ended. Snake tried to remember the last time she had a conversation like this with him. He knew there was one. He couldn't recall it vividly enough, though, but in a way it was like she left some kind of wistful ache when she spoke. Like he suddenly needed to know everything. Anything and everything.

And he ignored it. At least as best as he could.

His eyebrows knit together as he tried to focus on what she said and eventually he moved to fold his arms over his chest comfortably. Well, as comfortable as he could be, which was edging into an anxious flutter that he wanted to squash down promptly.

"I think," he breathed easily. "Wherever you go, someone's gonna need you." And he supposed he wasn't too different either. Alaska. The Academy. Anywhere else. Always a place for soldiers like them, because there was always a threat and always a war. At least until they got tired of fighting for existence.

"Back then..."

I needed you. The words didn't make it out of her mouth. Not even out of her throat, lumped together like a thick tar. Her face felt hot, but she kept her composure.

"Things were different back then." She justified, more so to herself than to him.

It was difficult to ignore that he had changed her life in so many ways, positive and negative. There was a danger in soldier types forming bonds like this, knowing they could be ripped away in the heat of battle in the blink of an eye... but he was standing before her now, in a way like a ghost. Maybe he wasn't a part of her current life so much, but he remained an echo of her past which has sculpted her into the woman she was today.

Maybe it was romance, maybe it was friendship, maybe it was just a bond Samus had with Snake, but it ached keeping it to herself after he'd left and come back seemingly with little to no memory of it all. It ached simply wondering if the other half of that echo meant nothing at all.

"...And I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for you."

She still wasn't sure how to say all the things she wanted to say to Snake, but she knew that was a start.

Many times before, Snake had felt a kinship with her. Fuzzier at some instances and less fuzzy in others. After his last run-in with Falcon, it was very clear that his suspicions were not unfounded. It seemed complicated. Falcon had said it was complicated. That Snake wouldn't be happy to learn of it in its entirety. Or to remember it.

Perhaps it would have been worse to one day wake up with the full realisation of things. But with how he was putting things together, though hardly anything concrete, Snake had long since prepared himself for ill tidings. How much of the world he lived in was a joyous one? For him, personally, the instances of happiness were rare - few and far between. Yet it was that occasional bout that made him appreciate them all the more.

"Me," he said as he motioned to himself.

Looking aside from her, he thought about how he wanted to put things together, "If you'd said something like that to me last year, I would have looked at you as if you were full of shit." Folding his arms over his chest, he looked back to her, "Since I know you're not, I'd be lying if I said I knew how to take that. I remember a little. I remember you, and Falcon. Some other people. Some conversations."

Then he shook his head at her, "Whatever the case, don't underestimate your own ability. I can influence, and I'm sure I have. Will continue to. Your decisions are always ultimately yours. Your strength is always yours, Samus."

He remembers a little. Any time he or she confirmed that, she wondered how to tread from there. It was only a small comfort that he too, didn't know quite how to take it. It was especially difficult trying to scale over walls she herself put up, but common features that united the duo were cracks worth chipping at.

Samus valued her freedom and independence so much, and would fight so valiantly to protect other people's freedoms--to fight for a future. It was always a thankless job, something so simple yet so important always taken for granted. For Snake to recognize that, how important that was, she considered a great strength of his. She deeply respected him for it.

"You've always been... You still are an important person to me." Words started to tumble out a little easier after that admittance. "Some things have changed ~~like war~~. Maybe we aren't... as close as we once were, but..."

She breathed, locking eyes with him, harsh and vulnerable all at once. "You are someone precious I would risk my life for."

The greatest and most bittersweet irony, the part she just couldn't tell him, was that she already tried. She couldn't save him from what FOXDIE would take one day, despite everything she sacrificed to try and prevent it from happening. He had to go on living his own life. He had to grasp what window of freedom he had left, and live.

"I want you to know that hasn't changed, David."

Edited 2013-07-29 07:39 (UTC)

"You are someone precious I would risk my life for."

He didn't want to hear that. In a way, he'd kind of known about it. Claiming 'kind of' made him full of shit, actually. He did know. Or had an idea. There was no winning. If he seemed so certain of it, he felt like it made him disgustingly vain, which normally he didn't have a huge problem with.

The real problem was that he felt the same way. And he didn't want to say it. He didn't want to admit to it. Not because of a weakness or a vulnerability, but because he thought it was sort of pointless. She'd moved on with her life, and he'd wanted her to. He was fine playing cameos in her life's story. He really was. At least he told himself he was.

He really hated that any words he might have had were taken from him so easily. Her words were like a knife in his chest, just plunged in easily and twisted about. Why did she want to have this conversation? How did they even get onto it? How long had she thought about having it? He had so many questions. He was so irritated by all of it.

Snake looked aside and found himself ruffling his hair. "What's brought all of this on? Something going on that I need to know about?" Looking back to her, his gaze was direct, as pointed as his words. He could say things as he needed to in his own way. "You're making it sound like you're going far away. Not coming back."

I'm not ready to say goodbye yet. So you've got to wait a little bit more.

i can't say good-bye to yesterday, my friend

'cause i know how good it has been

face it forever, here i stand, come what may

in the old in the new yesterdaaaaaaaaaaay

For a moment, she almost put her walls right back up, almost got angry at the notion of him daring to bring up the concept of going far away without a word when he'd done it more than once already to her. Icy blue eyes locked on to his--he could have been pointing a gun at her and she would have stood there fearless and undaunted all the same.

Almost.

Instead, she laughed. It started with a tiny smirk that evolved into a soft, throaty chuckle she couldn't keep suppressed despite her efforts. It felt nice to realize... a little bit of those walls didn't need to go back up anymore around Snake. Maybe talking it out did some good after all. Still, she didn't expect the conversation to get quite so heavy, even if only for a few sentences of whatever 'talking it out' they constituted thus far.

"You sound like you would miss me."

She sighed, something of a bitter sweet peaceful smile masking her face. Silently, Samus reflected upon some old advice given to her. It was a little more difficult to retain eye contact with him now.

"To be perfectly honest... I've had second thoughts about staying here. The monsters here have been slayed with and without my help and contribution. Lately I've felt like a loaded gun with nothing to protect. A lot of my precious people have grown up or moved on."

Or forgotten.

She looked back at him, an earnest curiosity in her voice. "What would you do?"

"You sound like you would miss me."

Because he would. He could admit it to himself. He was there because she said he was needed. He trusted her for one reason or another. Still trusted her in the present. How many beautiful women had deceived him? (The real answer to that was a few. At least.) But Samus wasn't doing that. He knew that almost without a single doubt.

"What would you do?"

I'd miss you. Shut up.

He didn't want to say it. Wasn't going to, if he could help it. Shifting his weight between his feet, he moved somewhat... uncomfortable with the subject matter. Tipping his head, he eyed her for a good time, almost reached for a smoke, and instead found himself pausing. Maybe it was a nervous tic of his. He'd believe that. But things she said before stayed with him. So maybe he refrained for her benefit.

She meant something to him, didn't she? Fuck it all, really.

"Carry on for a little, I guess. What's the difference whether I stay here or go back to Alaska?" Snake shrugged, "Mushing, I guess. Can't really do that here with the season the way it is. Alaska's the same all year around." Looking aside, he tried to focus on something distant and not near to him at all. "I guess I'd have to start thinking if I had any other reasons for being here myself."

Berating him for his bad habits was just as nearly a bad habit for her. Since she started smoking cigars (and this was extremely sparingly, specially occasions only) thanks to Goroh's lifetime supply, she tried to not be quite as much of a hypocrite.

It was a bad, dirty habit, none the less.

But to his response, she actually cracked a little bit of a smile. She wasn't expecting her question to be interpreted in that way. His discomfort was clear, and while it wasn't amusing, it was touching listening to him open up a little in that way. He probably didn't even realize.

"And you'd mush dogs for the rest of your life? Why not a team of Pokemon dogs?"

She sure liked to make things awkward. At the rate they were going - this heart-to-heart mushy bullshit - Snake was almost beginning to wonder what it'd be like if it were a conversation between him and Ocelot. Or Raikov, for that matter. And that really just made it all the more a little... more... uncomfortable. If he had to genuinely entertain the idea, anyway.

Her question made him think. Really think. What else was there to life? He'd wanted to give up his life of soldiering. Especially knowing he didn't have that much to look forward to. But he couldn't just sit and wait. Except that was already what he'd been doing. Every day and night had been the same before she and Lash had shown up. It was only by their 'graces' that he came to be in the academy. And he'd stayed for some unknown reason.

Why was he there anyway? For Samus?

"I don't think they'd like that," Snake admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. "If the weird Pokemon-Human people are any indication. Seems like they'd probably not want to be treated like pets."

"Point." It had been a point of contention after she herself turned into a Charizard for a week. She'd never really looked at the local Pokemon the same way since, which was a challenge considering her background and penchant for exterminating wildlife as it necessitated and with little effort. She didn't even want to eat anything for fear of accidentally eating one of her students as the Pokeanthropy afflicted the entire campus at that time.

It seemed for the first time in this rather heavy conversation that an awkward silence threatened to loom from her end. She hadn't expected the conversation to take this sort of turn, to be this unusually open with him. She shifted her weight to the other leg and rubbed her upper arm.

Then again, did it have to be so "unusual" with Snake, really?

"...Thanks for listening to me at any rate, Snake." Samus finally whispered. "I'm not going anywhere just yet."

For you I wouldn't want to leave without saying goodbye.

She didn't have to thank him. In fact, he didn't really want her to. Rubbing at the back of his neck, he sat on her words, mulled over them, wondered how many times people had thanked him for something that was... actually good. 'Good' being incredibly subjective, of course.

"It's nothing," he almost immediately dismissed. Because he didn't want to dwell on it, didn't want to focus on it, and didn't want to go to bed lingering on those words or the way she looked when she said them. Except he already knew he was going to. The whole thing was fucking stupid, as far as he was concerned. Or he felt stupid. Either or. It almost felt the same, honestly.

"If you ever need a pair of ears," he pointed to himself. "...Guess I can offer that up. They're there and all. Not sure what else they'll really be doing." Because to be fair, he wasn't that interested in much of anyone else.

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Dorm Log: Scorching Summer Edition

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