O, Signage of Truth and Virtue! Enter into Our Swoledom: Enter into Our Hearts!

[raced_god]

Who: Max, Captain Falcon, you?????
What: Hanging posters. Maybe some other stuff. Maybe whatever you want.
When: Week of April 21st.
Where: Around campus and also the locker rooms I guess.
Warnings: Swolitude. Tiny towels. Man talk.



The posters have sprung up overnight. Tacked to bulletin boards, plastered on lampposts--anywhere that can feasibly hold a flyer, the posters are there. The question, then, is where are they coming from? Who is putting them up?

The answer is perhaps obvious. If one pays attention, it is not difficult to find one Max Powers around campus with a stapler, one Captain Falcon following him with a stack of flyers.

One can only imagine the things that run through his head. I've saved the universe, he thinks to himself. I am the greatest racecar driver that ever lived, he thinks, with every clack of Max's stapler. I own islands.

And yet

And yet, dear reader, there they are.

Comments

Alt: An Invitation of Strength and Manhood! Falcon and Max Display their Signs, Display their Swole!

[tank_rockarms]

"I think the library needs some," said Max as he stapled a poster to a bulletin board conveniently placed across the hallway from some restrooms. "Guys who spend too much time in the library need to hit the gym more. Let's get down to the library."

[raced_god]

"Sure," Falcon replied, not particularly caring one way or another as he followed Max towards the aforementioned library.

Maybe he was a little bitter about the fact that Max claimed there was no room for a treadmill. He said it was because they couldn't move the Ab-Abber, but Falcon knew it was really because Max thought that the only acceptable form of cardio in the weight room was the single jump rope they kept off in a corner somewhere.

And still, the mantra of I beat racing Satan on his own track. I have the creators of the universe trapped in a belt that I could use to destroy the galaxy if I really wanted to.

"Maybe they spend time in the library because they're studying."

[cplusplus]

There's always a question popping up to Chihiro's head; 'Why can Smash break every rule in logic possible?' 'How does this particular machine works?'

In this case, 'why is there a staple happy duo plastering posters all over the place?'

This is fortunately an easy question to answer, with that, he examined their handiwork. Oh, it's an advertisement for the gym- wait wasn't this the blue haired adonis who he had encountered in the party last summer? Maybe he should. Run.

Except, he's glued to the floor. Well damn.

[raced_god]

Why, indeed.

Falcon was mostly just trying to zone out, handing over flyers when necessary, offering words of encouragement when appropriate. Really he was just thinking about how far he had fallen. As such, he almost tripped over Chihiro entirely handing Max the stapler to put up more posters. Maybe it also had something to do with the fact that the child seemed frozen in place.

"Sorry."

[forgetbeam]

There were entirely too many posters up for a single weight room. It wasn't like they were anywhere they weren't allowed to be, and they weren't covering anything up except for a few ads for a local community gym's crossfit program, but they were a little bit of an eyesore.

Kiyotaka was all for health and fitness. He even hit up the gym himself a few mornings a week for short periods of time, even if things like swimming or jogging or being TOTALLY INTO LONG WALKS were more his forte. But this was utterly ridiculous. Apparently he could not take a relaxing bath or just go from class to class without Max hounding him to get "swole."

The idea that a man's strength was based on how much he could lift was still REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE for REASONS. So he stared over the stack of textbooks in his arms at the posters with disapproval.

[raced_god]

Wow look it was the kid who told Captain Falcon to take a bus.

Falcon was pretty good at knowing when people were leveling disapproving stares in his direction and/or his weight room posters (silly as he truly thought they were), and he detected it from halfway down the hallway. Obviously there was absolutely nothing to do but STARE IN DISAPPROVAL RIGHT BACK.

[star_punched]

Mac was probably one of the very few people who didn't feel like this advertisement wasn't in his face. In fact, he could use any distraction coming his way. That was besides the point that he spent a lot of his day working out to begin with. Now the whole school was about to get in on Max's exercise regimen, hopefully.

Mac enjoyed them! Didn't...everyone else? Won't everyone else?

Whatever.

Mac was happy to show up to this gathering of People Who Want To Get Swole. Not before showing up in front of Falcon and Max in a chance meeting somewhere as they set up even MORE fliers.

"Hey, guys! Still hookin' them up?"

Also, completely letting go of any past super serious man talks. We were talking about getting swole and why it's fun and good for you.

[raced_god]

"Yes," Falcon said, voice devoid of all emotion one way or another. Truly, it was a brief glimpse into the soul of a man who'd been reduced to following around his ten-years-his-junior-and-like-three-times-as-swole brofriend with a stack of posters.

"It was Max's idea."

As if there was ever any doubt.

[voltecpower]

He was bound to notice it sooner or later, not just through his habit of checking real-world bulletin boards that often included messages not cross-posted to online boards, but also because they were posted all over the school and were difficult not to notice on their own.

The short, prepubescent semi-stick-figure who owed much of his depth to his body armor, peered up at the stapled flyer, wondering what some of the words meant ("Perhaps they meant 'swollen'?") as well as whether or not it would be advantageous to him, or contribute to his goal of becoming stronger, if his figure resembled more of a cube (or if perhaps, like it so often happened, that this was just another figure of speech).

Learn our Language, O Future Robo-Child: Learn our Swole!

[tank_rockarms]

Oh look, fair electro-man, the guy pictured on the flier wearing those swim trunks is walking past you with a resigned, less-muscular-but-still-quite-muscular man wearing sunglasses indoors.

"We only got two on that board over there. It could use a third one," said Max.

MEANWHILE

[drawin_on_trees]

The Appearance of Horror! A Visage Befouled! Tremble, Ye Mighty, at my Rage!

[needsmorebiceps]

"WHO DID THIS?" Max asked angrily, staring at the wall where this was posted, as if the wall was going to reply to him. "WHO DREW ON THIS FLIER?"

[inspirethefire]

If nothing else, Hajime did like learning. He enjoyed a proper education, and considered himself rather skilled in studying any given field. English was his second language, but he spoke it with relative ease and understanding.

And yet, here he was, with a whole sheet of new vocabulary to process.

"Suwol-esperience."

[raced_god]

"Swolesperience," he completed, shuffling the papers so that their edges were flush together again, a neat pile in his hands. "Like 'swole' and 'experience'." God just saying that made him throw up in his mouth a little, not that anyone would know beyond his stone-faced expression.

"It's a Max word."

His Sonic Boom physique has to come from somewhere

[iamtheeggman]

Ah, Captain Falcon. One among many people that Eggman despised. He didn't really know Max, but if he did, Eggman would probably have despised him too. So he didn't take kindly to them putting up posters for their ridiculous weight room, especially around his office. So the very first thing he did when the posters came up anywhere he was nearby was tear them off the walls in a huff.

[raced_god]

Fortunately for Falcon (but perhaps unfortunately for Eggman), the Captain had no emotional attachment to the posters and didn't flinch when he saw Eggman tearing them down. That did not, however, mean he was going to let it slide. No, his brofriend's hard work was at stake, and also Eggman was a bag of dicks.

"Max isn't going to be happy about you doing that."

[rivalsolarbeam]

The bulletin board near the student kitchens was prime real estate for such an advertising endeavor. A solemn reminder that everyone that passed through the kitchen doors could turn their soft, food filled bellies into walls of solid abdominal iron. So it was not entirely surprising to see fliers in the process of being hung there.

Witnessing this event on the way towards the kitchen, one Bulba stopped to curiously peer at the paper's contents.

Now, Bulba was a regular in the weight room establishment. He liked the place. But his eyes lingered near the top of the page, and his eyebrows raised in response.

"... Swole as a house..."

Behold Appearing as from a Dream: The Poster Speaks! Or is it Another???

[tank_rockarms]

"Swole as a house," came a voice from behind Bulba, one which encouraged and supported this sentiment with its entire being.

Hie, Dear Viewer, to this quaint scene, wherein Maximilian Justice Powers stood proudly looking at the work of his hands. "You're a Venusaur; you've got loads of potential."

It was true. He did.

[magicdancer]

Shantae was just passing by when she saw one of the new posters up in the halls. She stopped to check, and very quickly regretted it. Her eyes scanned the page, and she raised an eyebrow incredulously.

"Why would anyone want to look like a box?" she asked out loud to nobody.

[raced_god]

And yet, she was heard.

"I don't know," Falcon called from the end of the hallway. "Ask Max. I think it's figurative."

[givemeyouranswerdo]

Daisy took a look at one of the posters, and the wheels started to turn. "I don't really want or need swole, but maybe adding some weight lifting to my routine would help my baseball swing and my throw," she mused.

[raced_god]

"The hours are listed on the flyer," Falcon said helpfully, handing another one over to Max.

[rivalthunderbolts]

Jolt saw a flyer and shrugged. "Why do I need swole when I've got speed?" he asked with a chuckle.

[raced_god]

"Talk to Max," he replied from down the hall. Falcon wasn't touching this one.

[vela_nova]

It wasn't often Blaze saw her fellow pyrokinetic out doing constructive things like this... whatever it was. Just what kind of flyers were these? She didn't quite take the Captain for a compulsive body builder.

"Taking up a new hobby?" she asked him while he hung another poster.

[raced_god]

Ah, yes, his small furry kindred spirit in pyrokinesis. Falcon shrugged, shuffling the stack of flyers.

"Helping out a friend."

[welikeike]

At one point during this time, Ike was unknowingly following a trail of flyers that were freshly stapled to the walls. Like, a lot of flyers. Probably more than necessary. When he came across Falcon and Max dedicating themselves to the task, he decided to take a look at the nearest one.

Swole as a house... up to 2000 lbs... GAINZ (???)... Swole..sperience... Finally, Ike's thoughts came out of his mouth. "Extra training couldn't hurt, but I'm not sure I'd want to look like a box," he commented.

[tank_rockarms]

"Sure you do," said Max. "Good square shoulders, traps that don't stop, big chest, arms like cables, a core that could break a man's hand, quads that you could crush boulders with..." said Max, listing all of his best attributes.