O, Signage of Truth and Virtue! Enter into Our Swoledom: Enter into Our Hearts!

[raced_god]

Who: Max, Captain Falcon, you?????
What: Hanging posters. Maybe some other stuff. Maybe whatever you want.
When: Week of April 21st.
Where: Around campus and also the locker rooms I guess.
Warnings: Swolitude. Tiny towels. Man talk.



The posters have sprung up overnight. Tacked to bulletin boards, plastered on lampposts--anywhere that can feasibly hold a flyer, the posters are there. The question, then, is where are they coming from? Who is putting them up?

The answer is perhaps obvious. If one pays attention, it is not difficult to find one Max Powers around campus with a stapler, one Captain Falcon following him with a stack of flyers.

One can only imagine the things that run through his head. I've saved the universe, he thinks to himself. I am the greatest racecar driver that ever lived, he thinks, with every clack of Max's stapler. I own islands.

And yet

And yet, dear reader, there they are.

Comments

[inspirethefire]

He had to resist the impulse to inform Max that this did, in fact, make it made up. "Is there a particular reason it's spelled with a z?"

[raced_god]

"Dudebros, probably."

Said in a way that suggested Max was totally a dudebro.

[tank_rockarms]

"It's how they spell it on the weightlifting forums I read," said Max, who was totally a dudebro.

[inspirethefire]

"And you're entirely certain it's not a typo on their part?"

[tank_rockarms]

"Uh, nope. That's how they spell it."

[inspirethefire]

"Why?"

[raced_god]

"Because they're dudebros."

[bluetanker]

"It looks cooler with a Z."

[inspirethefire]

"I see. A culture where aesthetics trumps reason." Casual glancing between the two of them. "I can see the appeal for some."

[raced_god]

"I'm not a dudebro," Falcon insisted. He didn't even use the word gains, much less spell it with a z, god.

[tank_rockarms]

"You say that but you're just sayin' that," said Max, who was helping.

[inspirethefire]

Hajime didn't say anything. He just watched.

[raced_god]

"I don't spell gains with a z. I don't use the word gains at all."

HE'S NOT A DUDEBRO

[bluetanker]

Max poked Falcon in the shoulder.

"Only a dudebro would get his delts ripped enough to the point that they're as distinctive as yours."

[raced_god]

Falcon put his hands on his face and dragged them downwards slowly and made a noise that sounded kind of like anngghghblblglrgrhkgjrhgjfkfffjkgrrkgkk.

[inspirethefire]

"You're helping him spread flyers promoting the dudebro culture." Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

[tank_rockarms]

"I'm pretty much your only guy friend," added Max.

[raced_god]

"That's not true. I'm friends with Gordon and Joel and Cid. And I have friends back home."

No he didn't, most everyone back home wanted to kill him.

[tank_rockarms]

"Every guy from your home that I ever met has pretty much tried to kill you," said Max. "That Black Shadow guy, Pico, that guy who looked just like you... what's his name, I don't remember... Except Goroh, who sort of wanted to kill you and be your friend at the same time. So, I guess Goroh counts."

[raced_god]

"Goroh doesn't count."

Keep telling yourself that, Falcon. He was, of course, about to say that Jody was both his friend and didn't want to kill him, but then he remembered Jody wasn't a dude.

"Doctor Stewart is my friend." Sort of. Not really. He saved Falcon's life one time, that was the opposite of trying to kill him and they did each other favors and stuff, that totally counted. "And I'm on good terms with a few of the other pilots."

So, like, possibly James McCloud and maybe Super Arrow but that was probably it.

[tank_rockarms]

"Fine, you got like three other guy friends," admitted Max.

"You still spend way more time with me than the other ones. You're spending more time gettin' huge with me than you are doin' whatever it is that you're doin' with your other friends. You can say you ain't a bro, but if the liftin' belt fits..."

[raced_god]

"That's plenty. That's plenty of friends, and we're not even counting my female friends."

Falcon had like six entire friends. He was offended by the notion that six entire friends was not enough friends.

"If you want to get technical, I spend the most time with Samus."

Sorry, Hajime, they still knew you were there, promise.

[tank_rockarms]

"You have sex with Samus. That's a different sorta friend than what we are."

At least, Max had assumed so.

"Guy friends are for doin' what you want to do; girlfriends are for doin' romantic couple stuff."

The two things were rarely the same thing.

"When you're with me, you get swole. It's pretty simple."

You having fun, Hajime? Having a good time? Yeah? That's great. You're welcome. No, no, no trouble at all.

[inspirethefire]

Oh, he's just gonna watch this all unfold. He wanted to learn from you guys and you are teaching him much.

[raced_god]

"Samus is my best friend," he insisted, vaguely offended at the implication that having sex with Samus was the only thing they did together. They were practically married, you were supposed to be best friends with the person you were practically married to.

"Anyway, who says we don't work out together? She can bench press trucks."

That part was totally true, she threw a station wagon at him on two separate occasions.