O, Signage of Truth and Virtue! Enter into Our Swoledom: Enter into Our Hearts!

[raced_god]

Who: Max, Captain Falcon, you?????
What: Hanging posters. Maybe some other stuff. Maybe whatever you want.
When: Week of April 21st.
Where: Around campus and also the locker rooms I guess.
Warnings: Swolitude. Tiny towels. Man talk.



The posters have sprung up overnight. Tacked to bulletin boards, plastered on lampposts--anywhere that can feasibly hold a flyer, the posters are there. The question, then, is where are they coming from? Who is putting them up?

The answer is perhaps obvious. If one pays attention, it is not difficult to find one Max Powers around campus with a stapler, one Captain Falcon following him with a stack of flyers.

One can only imagine the things that run through his head. I've saved the universe, he thinks to himself. I am the greatest racecar driver that ever lived, he thinks, with every clack of Max's stapler. I own islands.

And yet

And yet, dear reader, there they are.

Comments

[raced_god]

"Goroh doesn't count."

Keep telling yourself that, Falcon. He was, of course, about to say that Jody was both his friend and didn't want to kill him, but then he remembered Jody wasn't a dude.

"Doctor Stewart is my friend." Sort of. Not really. He saved Falcon's life one time, that was the opposite of trying to kill him and they did each other favors and stuff, that totally counted. "And I'm on good terms with a few of the other pilots."

So, like, possibly James McCloud and maybe Super Arrow but that was probably it.

[tank_rockarms]

"Fine, you got like three other guy friends," admitted Max.

"You still spend way more time with me than the other ones. You're spending more time gettin' huge with me than you are doin' whatever it is that you're doin' with your other friends. You can say you ain't a bro, but if the liftin' belt fits..."

[raced_god]

"That's plenty. That's plenty of friends, and we're not even counting my female friends."

Falcon had like six entire friends. He was offended by the notion that six entire friends was not enough friends.

"If you want to get technical, I spend the most time with Samus."

Sorry, Hajime, they still knew you were there, promise.

[tank_rockarms]

"You have sex with Samus. That's a different sorta friend than what we are."

At least, Max had assumed so.

"Guy friends are for doin' what you want to do; girlfriends are for doin' romantic couple stuff."

The two things were rarely the same thing.

"When you're with me, you get swole. It's pretty simple."

You having fun, Hajime? Having a good time? Yeah? That's great. You're welcome. No, no, no trouble at all.

[inspirethefire]

Oh, he's just gonna watch this all unfold. He wanted to learn from you guys and you are teaching him much.

[raced_god]

"Samus is my best friend," he insisted, vaguely offended at the implication that having sex with Samus was the only thing they did together. They were practically married, you were supposed to be best friends with the person you were practically married to.

"Anyway, who says we don't work out together? She can bench press trucks."

That part was totally true, she threw a station wagon at him on two separate occasions.

[tank_rockarms]

"1. I can bench press a pickup truck, and I'd like to see somebody else do that, and 2. So you're admitting that when you're not with me, you're still workin' out. So you're workin' out all the time, pretty much. So, you are a bro," Max said triumphantly. "You just admitted to it."

Max threw his arm over Falcon's shoulder. "I'm gettin' you and me matchin' tank tops."

[raced_god]

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Falcon answered, jabbing his index finger in Max's direction. "Sometimes I work out with you, sometimes I work out with her. I'm not working out all the time, that's stupid."

HIS LIFE DIDN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU AND YOUR WEIGHT ROOM MAX SHUT UP YOU SHUT UP

[tank_rockarms]

"I don't work out all the time, neither," said Max, deflecting the index finger with one of his many muscles. "Don't mean I ain't a bro."

"'Swolemates', "Tank tops that say Swolemates. You're gonna love it."

[raced_god]

"No," came the instantaneous reply. Falcon maybe was totally backing away a little bit, perhaps in fear of the matching tank tops. "No matching tank tops."

There he went, backing away.

"I'm not your buddy, guy swolemate. That's not even a word."

[inspirethefire]

According to Hajime's mental notes at this moment, Swole is a horrifying parasite, assimilating its hosts into a uniform state of turgid, trembling musculature.

[tank_rockarms]

"It's a word. I've seen guys use it on the internet."

Max pulled Falcon back in with his arm that was the size of Hajime. "They sell 'em. You'll like it. I bet Samus'll like it, too. She'll think it's cute."

With such a wry eye would your beloved view you in this attire, Farukon-tan.

[raced_god]

"Just because it's on the internet doesn't mean it's a word."

God help the earth if everyone believed that.

"I'm not wearing it. She won't think that."

He knew. He knew she wouldn't think that.

[tank_rockarms]

"Once enough people start usin' a word, it turns into a word. How do you think words get into the dictionary? I bet there's a dictionary writer guy out there somewhere that's thinkin' about puttin' it into book somewhere."

"And I'm pretty sure that she'd get a kick outta you wearin' it."

She would. She would get several kicks.

[raced_god]

"Okay, call me when it's in the dictionary."

Of course, with his luck, it would probably end up chosen as the OED's new word of the year or whatever it was those academics decided at their nerd councils. His only saving grace was that Max probably didn't pay attention to those sorts of things.

"She'd get a kick out of it, but not the way I'd want her to."

Read: Samus would ridicule him mercilessly.

[inspirethefire]

Also added to notes: fraternizing in the faculty.

This is getting into the realm of gossip, now. Hajime's gonna back out while he can and leave the bros to bicker.