O, Signage of Truth and Virtue! Enter into Our Swoledom: Enter into Our Hearts!

[raced_god]

Who: Max, Captain Falcon, you?????
What: Hanging posters. Maybe some other stuff. Maybe whatever you want.
When: Week of April 21st.
Where: Around campus and also the locker rooms I guess.
Warnings: Swolitude. Tiny towels. Man talk.



The posters have sprung up overnight. Tacked to bulletin boards, plastered on lampposts--anywhere that can feasibly hold a flyer, the posters are there. The question, then, is where are they coming from? Who is putting them up?

The answer is perhaps obvious. If one pays attention, it is not difficult to find one Max Powers around campus with a stapler, one Captain Falcon following him with a stack of flyers.

One can only imagine the things that run through his head. I've saved the universe, he thinks to himself. I am the greatest racecar driver that ever lived, he thinks, with every clack of Max's stapler. I own islands.

And yet

And yet, dear reader, there they are.

Comments

[raced_god]

"Talk to Max," he replied from down the hall. Falcon wasn't touching this one.

[bluetanker]

"Because," said Max, "you hit harder if you got good, lean muscle behind you. You don't wanna be skinnyfat," he continued. "but you wanna have good, solid muscle. Even if you're thin, and your body won't put on big muscle, you can add some muscle, and look better, feel better, and hit better than you did before."

[rivalthunderbolts]

"Think I don't have muscle, huh?" Jolt asked. "Maybe not as big as yours, but they get the job done!"

[raced_god]

Somewhere, Falcon sighed and buried his face in his palm.

[bluetanker]

Where was your good friend Jock. Jock would have understood this.

"You could do more with more muscle. You can still be fast and big. Well, bigger. You can't be real big. But you can put on muscle. Help you with lots of stuff. Pick up stuff, jump higher, carry things, hit harder. All sorts of stuff," Max swolesplained.

[rivalthunderbolts]

"For the record," Jolt answered, "my specialty is Special Attack and Speed. How's more bulk gonna help me there?" he asked. He was legitimately curious.

[raced_god]

Oh god, augh, Pokemon things.

Falcon was just gonna

step back

and let Max handle this one.

[bluetanker]

"Well, imagine how scared some kid with a bug net'd be if, when your trainer tossed you out into battle you were, like, 50% bigger lookin' than you were supposed to be. That kid would probably just give up right then. 'Aaah that Jolteon's a beast, I give up, take all of my little kid money.' Like that," said Max, who was coming up with reasons to be swole.

[rivalthunderbolts]

"As cool as that sounds, you DO realize that's not how Pokemon battles work, right?" Jolt asked.

He was not entirely convinced that Max knew how Pokemon battles worked.

[tank_rockarms]

"The one time I went to Kanto, whenever kids ran up to me and said they wanted to fight, I just punched 'em ," said Max. "Nobody said what kinda fight they wanted, so I gave 'em the only fight I know how to do. Works however you want to if you try hard enough."

[rivalthunderbolts]

"You are the worst Pokemon trainer ever."

[raced_god]

Falcon decided not to mention that time he and Samus went to Kanto, infiltrated Silph Co., aerosol bombed Diglett's Cave, caused a huge explosion above Viridian Forest, and blamed it all on Giovanni.

[tank_rockarms]

"I ain't a pokemon trainer; I just got a Slowpoke is all. But he ain't for fightin' he's just for bein' friends," replied Max.

[rivalthunderbolts]

"Okay," Jolt corrected himself.

"Then you're just a bully."

[needsmorebiceps]

"I ain't a bully! Somebody jumps out of some tall grass at me and shouts 'LET'S FIGHT' so I do the only natural thing, and that's take the other guy down before he can take me down. How'm I supposed to know the kid wants to pokemon fight until after I already hit him? You shouldn't jump outta grass at guys shoutin' things about fights if you ain't ready to get punched."

[rivalthunderbolts]

"You could ask?" Jolt replied. "You went to a region where Pokemon training is a national pasttime. You probably should've known that if you went there with a Pokemon that someone would challenge you. So you punched a kid because you didn't think you should do the research about a place you were going to."

"So if you're not a bully, then you're kinda dumb."

[bluetanker]

"It ain't nice to make fun of guys for not bein' as smart as some people," said Max, who was not as smart as some people.

[rivalthunderbolts]

"Okay, fine, sorry for making fun of you," he apologized. "But to be fair, you don't exactly need to be a genius to know you shouldn't punch out kids when you're built like a cement factory, and they like to talk about their comfy shorts or their amazing Rattatas."