smash_logs | merry merry christmas, and I want you to know

"...uh..."

If his peach colored face had been pink before, it was a far darker shade now. His large hands grabbed one another and twisted together as he did his best to process this entirely unfamiliar situation. A more experienced person might have noted they were being toyed with, even if just a little. He, however, had absolutely no clue. The way she was touching him - gently - was different. He was so used to being rough and being treated roughly that her comparative softness and care were new and strange and amazing.

"Y-yeah? I heard that too. About the... uh. The kissin', I mean."

Quick - tell her that getting a kiss wouldn't make you uncomfortable! That you would like it! And be cool when you say it. Don't mess it up.

"I don't - I mean, you wouldn't! I mean, I'm comfortable! I would be! I mean... Uh... Kissing doesn't look like it'd be uncomfortable!"

He was not getting better at this very quickly.

If she was younger, more naive, Voile probably would have laughed. But with that being said, she knew something about being discreet. That meant no making fun of him. And if she was honest with herself, memories of old with the Knuckles she'd known before prevented her from wanting to be intentionally horrible to him. And there weren't many people in the present that she could say that for.

Loosely, she paused behind him and draped her arms over his shoulders as carefully as she could.

"Knuckles, we were very much the best of friends before. You have no reason to be so nervous about me. I know we haven't spoken much since you've arrived, but I was concerned about making you uncomfortable. After all, I have all of these memories that you don't. And that's all right."

She dipped her head to nuzzle against him affectionately. "Because we can make new memories while you're here." And then she turned just enough to rest a kiss to his cute echidna cheek. "Sorry for making you feel so awkward. I'll try to keep that to a minimum for your sake."

"It's... No! Don't apologize!"

Oh. Wow. Her arms were so warm as they wrapped around him. He had no recollection of ever really being hugged before. He could get used to this! And the feeling of her lips on his cheek was... incredible.

"I want to make new memories with you. And you don't make me awkward - I, uh... It's just me. I ain't never... really been around many girls at all. Especially not ones as nice as you."

Literally every single one of Knuckles' friends back home was someone he'd fought at some point. Except Cream. Because she was a six year old kid. And Knuckles wasn't that big of a dick.

"...should I, uh...? D'you want me to...?"

"As nice as me?" she asked with a stupid amount of delight.

You don't know me at all, she thought. At least you don't know me the way I am now. If you were the Knuckles I'd known before, you'd be downright disappointed. And displeased.

But she didn't say the rest of that. So she gave him a very gentle squeeze. "Why not try moving? The mistletoe was never very specific about where someone was kissed. Used to be that I'd just wander around and kiss a bunch of my friends on the cheek. This is the first year I'm really not doing that." Then she offered him a pinch, "You were a bit of an exception."

If it were possible, he probably would have just melted into a pile of echidna-goop right there. The gentle squeeze and the little cheek pinch... Not to mention she'd said he was the exception for today and was receiving her sole attention for the moment. If he was a puppy, his tail would have been wagging hard enough for him to achieve lift-off. (Stealing Tails' schtick.)

"Oh, uh, OK! Yeah, sure." he said, trying to move his feet. He strained for a second before realizing it was no good. Geeze, what more could the stupid plant want from them?

"I guess maybe the plant wants me to give you one back, huh?" he offered, trying one more time to lift his feet.

It was probably the first time Voile had been faced with mistletoe that didn't release after one kiss. And she didn't quite understand it either. The memory swap thing she was familiar with and had almost been expecting it, but she supposed like the other years, not every sprig of mistletoe was going to result in horrendous embarrassment again. So somehow she managed to cope.

Somehow. Or she just got really lucky.

Her eyebrows lifted and she dipped her head, so he might reciprocate in kind. "Go ahead and knock yourself out if you think that's what needs to be done." And it was almost ridiculous how easy going she was over the whole thing.

Compared to how easily she was taking this, Knuckles felt like a tightly coiled rubber band. Hey, today was kind of a big day for him! First real hug received, first kiss received, now first kiss about to be given? This was all pretty huge stuff for a guy who grew up alone on an Island. He chewed nervously at his lip for a moment before closing his eyes, puckering up, and pressing his lips to her cheek...

That stupid Blue Hedgehog! And his little Fox buddy. How was Sonic so fast...? How was he able to defeat Knuckles in his own home? The halls and caverns of the Hidden Palace had echoed with their fight and Knuckles felt defeat for the first time. Laying there on the achingly cold marble of his floor, hearing his enemies talking to him like they were actually concerned for his welfare when it was their fault that his body was so wrecked he could hardly move. If he could just be still for a minute, catch his breath. Regain some strength. He could stand up again and fight. He could protect his home from these intruders. He wouldn't die here today - He'd prevail. Make his ancestors proud. This was their home before it was his and the Echidna race wouldn't disappear here today. He wouldn't disappoint them. Not while there was a drop of blood in his veins and a whisper of breath in his chest...

Then there was something else. Explosions. The Echidna forced himself onto his hands and knees - those noises had come from the Emerald chamber! Had Sonic been acting as a distraction? Were there more enemies on his Island that he wasn't aware of?

He could barely stand, but he struggled to his feet and fell into a run. He could hear Sonic and Tails running behind him, but he didn't care. Adrenaline coursed through his system and brought him a second wind. He was going to break anyone who dared steal from him! Sonic, Tails, and a hundred others if he had to!

But it wasn't a hundred others. It was Robotnik, flying in one of his machines. The Human was stealing the Master Emerald right from under his nose.

Knuckles had thought they were friends.

He'd apparently been wrong.

He gathered his remaining strength and leapt onto the Emerald, clinging to it, unsure of what else he could do. Two probes erupted from the sides of the Eggmobile and jammed themselves hard into his temples. Pain exploded behind his eyes and he lit up like a chaos emerald. He wanted to scream but the electricity running through his body had clamped his jaws closed and made his grip fail. He fell to the ground and passed out, the scent of burned fur thick in his nostrils...

The last thing he heard was the Eggman laughing.

The memories were consistently difficult to swallow. Even knowing there was a possibility, but having not triggered the condition kept Voile unaware. Up until she was blindsided. To which it was yet another sensation that threatened to overpower her. Kind of the way things were when she first came to the academy and found herself drowning in an ocean of feelings that were neither hers nor her team's. In short it was not only awe-inspiring, it was pretty awful.

Except memories held more weight because it was like she relived them personally. As if truly stretching the boundaries of what was and wasn't acceptable. Like the mistletoe had done this intentionally. And she didn't want to believe it.

Her hands tightened upon Knuckles's shoulders and without a doubt she tensed. Every part of her. Even the Knuckles she knew before had been somewhat decently quiet about his past. Yet she had never pried. She knew what she felt she needed to know. And Knuckles had never painted himself as someone she would need to second guess. Basically, anything he'd ever told her in the past she took as gospel. But in doing so, there was the harsh realisation that she'd missed out on what she should have been more inquisitive about.

At least up until the Knuckles of the present day and his memory. Memories? Eggman, naturally. Always Eggman.

Night had a way of falling without Voile really taking notice of it. Sometimes she'd sit at her desk, chin in the palm of her hand, dominant hand writing notes for her classes. Sometimes she'd lie in her bed, stare at the ceiling and do nothing else at all. But no matter what it was she'd been caught up in, she would think.

And think.
And think.
And think.

And then when she was done thinking, she would think some more.

It had always been some kind of rough and tumble lifestyle. Always thinking. Always feeling. Never being able to focus on herself as much as she wanted to, or deserved to.

This night in particular was really no different. Her gaze turned to the window and instead of really looking, her gaze was distant. As if she saw through everything and paid attention to nothing. So much was gone. So much was lost. So many of the things she thought she knew. So many of the people she thought she knew. Like a bundle of lies wrapped up in pretty ribbon. And each one of those lies had held a part of her heart.

Her left hand slipped over her chest, right where the real heart was, and her expression darkened.

"I despised so many of them and at the same time, I miss them," she confessed, mostly to herself and no one else in particular. "They've all gone now and so much of me is missing. And that's my doing. I gave myself to them without them even knowing. And some knew and left anyway."

People like Sonny. People like Marie. To be healed, only to be broken all over again. She was beginning to resign herself to a fate where there was no such thing as being whole. Voile was convinced that pieces of her would simply fall away until there was nothing left. Until she was a shell of a person. Much the way she had felt in those recent weeks with little to no sleep. Just an empty vessel of a person. Slowly filling with abhorrence.

And somewhere in the haze of what could have been self-perceived delirium, she thought she saw something. Someone. Blond of hair. Red eyes not too unlike her own. A charming curve of the mouth. And debonair features she had really only ever known in one man. No good man, to be certain.

"I miss you too," she said to him, though she was certain he wasn't there at all. "Everyone was awful to you. Almost everyone celebrated after you died. How cruel our kind are. How cruel can also be the heart of humans. But they didn't understand what you were trying to do. You tried to free us."

Voile eyed her hands. "You tried and you failed. So I will have to try as well. Even if you were only using me as a means to an end. But I would rather live in a lie and tell myself you weren't. We could have been something. I'll die believing that."

Sucking in a sharp breath, it took some moments more before Voile was able to remotely piece herself back together. And she shook her head, to clear herself of her thoughts. His thoughts. Most thoughts in general. Or as many as she could muster, whatever the case was.

"...While that is not particularly new to me," Voile began, "I find it a bit unfair that the mistletoe bothered to do that."

Stupid plants.

As she set her attention back onto Knuckles, she gave him a gentle shake, "Are you all right?"

"I'm... uh. That's..."

He hadn't been expecting the sudden flood of memory. Of complex emotions he'd never really felt before. Oh, he knew loneliness - there had been a lot of that. He knew the feeling of betrayal, too. But beyond that, the things she felt were overwhelming. If 'felt' was even an appropriate word. It had been more like a force of nature swelling inside him. Like being buried by breakers at the beach. Losing your footing in the sand and being swept away for a bit. How could one head hold so many thoughts? How could one heart deal with all that she seemed to be feeling? Because it had been her thoughts, right? Her memory. He wasn't dumb enough to think it was anything else. For some minutes - some unknowable period of time - he'd BEEN there. Felt what she felt and knew what she knew. He'd even seen her thoughts of the people that had left. A soft looking blue haired guy grinning like an idiot and a hooded guy with freckles and scars on his face and a scowl that looked like it lived there permanently. Not to mention the blonde one. That last one...

In the here and now, his breathing was heavy and his eyes wide. They felt a little wet and he frantically jabbed at them with gloved fingers, squeezing them closed for a moment, trying to get them clear again.

"I'm sorry." he finally said. "I didn't mean to see... I didn't know that was going to happen."

Then, his heart froze. What if she saw something of his, too? What would it have been? His feet could move, now. Maybe he should burrow away through the floorboards and never ever find out?

Considering her thoughts had always been hers, Voile handled them with a substantial amount of grace in comparison to Knuckles. And what he'd seen, what she'd known he had seen, wasn't half as compromising as what Kiyotaka had. Consequently, it was a lot easier to maintain elegance where that was concerned.

Her posture straightened and she offered him a few encouraging pats. "I knew it was a possibility." Withdrawing a hand from him, she slipped hers over her heart once more, much the way she had in her memory, as if trying to find the words to continue.

"Oddly enough, the you I knew before," she suddenly continued, as if more spurred on to talk about his than hers, something that would likely never change about her. "I didn't know a lot about his past. But I'd said before that he was here before I was, so he must have seen a lot. And I knew he and Eggman had a past, but I wasn't real clear on just what it was."

She tapped the tip of her nose with her free hand from before. "If anything, it's like you filled in a missing part of the guy I knew. It could have been worse, Knuckles. Best friends, right? We have to be prepared to expect the unexpected."

"He never told you that stuff, huh...? I guess he didn't figure it was important."

Because really, what would a friend want to know about all his past failures for? All the times Sonic had beaten him, Eggman had tricked him, Tails had made him look dumb by explaining something complicated in a way that just made it MORE complicated? Maybe the other Him really had been scared of looking like a stupid, feral creature in the face of this charming girl. This charming and very complicated girl.

"It's not like I'd wanna hide that stuff from you. I mean, you could ask me whatever you wanted. I'd tell you the truth. I just.... I just figure it ain't gonna be real interesting for you and some of it may make me look like kinda a jerk. I've got a temper, and all. And I'm not real smart. I make mistakes, sometimes. Well, more'n sometimes..."

He wanted to talk about what he'd seen, too. Her feelings of loss at people who had left. The betrayal of it and the idea that if she kept giving, she'd be left with nothing. He wanted to be a comfort to her. SOME sort of a comfort. But he wasn't really good at that kind of stuff. He didn't know the words to say to counteract what she'd experienced. He didn't know where to start. He could fight an alien invasion, he could singlehandedly face down an encroaching robotic army, and he'd fight any enemy you placed in front of him. Building sized demon, mechanized suit of armor, Hedgehog that could run faster than the speed of sound. Whatever. But he felt like a candle thrown into a hurricane in the face of her emotions. They were deeply frightening.

The issue with having her blessing—or curse, as it often was—was that even when he wasn't saying it, he was thinking it. Feeling the conflict. Stirred by her plight that she didn't want him to be stirred by. Inevitably perplexed as to how she could have him know something like that and be utterly unfazed by her own sentiments. There weren't words to describe how she did what she did or how she managed to handle it with almost a swan-like eloquence.

Whereas many other people probably would have fallen flat onto their faces.

Yet she didn't address any of it, for much of the reason that he hadn't particularly asked and Voile was nearly always guaranteed not to volunteer information. Even when she was asked for it. If it was about her, chances were it was off limits to everyone. Except to the select individual at present who could, against her every wish and desire, see everything that she hid to others.

"To be fair... I never really asked." Voile shifted and folded her arms over her chest. "He seemed like he really wanted to focus on the present and the future. So I didn't want to pry somewhere in case I didn't need to. But I always trusted him to tell me the things he thought I needed to know." She give him a partial smile and nodded with reassurance. "I'll treat you the same. I assume if it's something I really need to know? You'll tell me. Otherwise, I'm not interested in making you uncomfortable. And no matter what anyone says, feelings make all beings uncomfortable."

Knuckles just took a seat on the ground, wrapping his own arms around his knees and listening. Well, if she didn't ask, he probably wasn't someone who would offer up information about his past on the Island, or the stuff he wound up doing with Sonic and the crew. And the less he said about Eggman, the nicer his life was... Screw that jerk.

"If you need to know, or if you just wanted to know, I'd tell you. And yeah, I got a lot to learn so feelings are going to make me uncomfortable. Least for a while. What I just felt from you... Look, I dunno. Never felt anythin' like it, hope never to feel anythin' like it again. It was like.... drowning. I don't figure I'm built for it."

Drowning in thoughts. Drowning in feelings. Suffocated by what was going on inside his head and heart. No, he was a much simpler creature than all that. Or, at least, he had been so far. Maybe this is what civilized life brought you to? It seemed like a lot of her problems stemmed from relationships with people - One thing about being alone. No-one got the chance to disappoint you. Solitude was easy.

But when had he ever opted for the easy road in anything?

"Maybe it wasn't real fun for either of us... but... seein' a little bit about one another maybe just made us closer, right? I can't be the Other Me. But... Y'know. I got your back anyway."

He attempted a smile at her.

"I know."

It was easy to say because she knew it was true, too. Like the one who had preceded him Knuckles would come through for her anytime she needed him. But did she need him? She didn't think she needed anyone. 'Wanting' was different. And she did plenty of wanting. Silent, quiet, hidden wanting. Like most things that were involved when her heart came into play.

"Mm..." She motioned to herself and then wove her hands together. "Since I'm an empath, I feel things differently that non empaths do. It's very amplified. When people hear something you have to say and say they can sympathise with you, it's much more than that for me. You say you feel a certain way, I say, yes. You do. And I do, too."

Gesturing between the two of them, "If you're nervous, unhappy, angry, delighted. I can feel all of that. As if it was me personally feeling it. Not everyone is obvious. Some people are subtle and that is not as easy to pick out. Where as, some people are very obvious. It seems overwhelming to you because you aren't used to it. I was hatched like this. I don't know of a life outside of it. I'm not sure how else to explain it. The gift I have is not something most people could handle, I think."

He gulped a little. She could feel his every emotion? He probably wasn't subtle, was he. He felt things pretty strongly. Nowhere near her level, of course... but the feelings he had tended to run close to the surface. That was why he had the temper he had, he supposed. Why her just putting her hand on his shoulder made him blush and stammer.

"...I see. I... uh. Hmm. Hopefully the stuff you feel me feeling isn't too embarrassing."

He took it better than she expected him. It was a nicer thing to be greeted with instead of someone like Phoenix flipping his shit. Voile had to appreciate that, but to be fair, Knuckles had always seemed like a pretty easy going guy. It was nice to see a similarity there instead of some grand difference. It made her feel like she still knew him. At least a little, anyway.

She shook her head at him. "No. Of course not. It's nothing you need to be worried about. I do my best not to pry." Sort of. That wasn't as true as she wanted it to be. Kind of. Part of her wanted it to be true. The other part really didn't care that much. "Try to keep that between us, though. Most of the academy knows I'm an empath, but I don't really discuss what the extent of that is. The other you didn't have too much of a problem with it, so I hope it won't be too troublesome to you."

"Troublesome? Why would it be?" He replied, looking at her quizzically. "Like you said, you try not to pry and you were hatched this way. It's who you are. I got no problem with that. If I seemed worried it's just because I don't wanna make a jerk of myself by feeling somethin' stupid. That's on me, though. Not you."

"You sound like another friend of mine," Voile managed to let loose a laugh. "He just told me some days ago that he was afraid of feeling too much around me." She found herself shaking her head once more. "I am not some delicate little flower. If anyone can handle emotional sentiment, it's me. In fact, I can probably handle it better than anyone else here at the academy."

She gave a shrug of the shoulders as she continued, "To be fair, people get a little weirded out when they hear about my abilities, so I prefer to keep them to myself. If possible."

"Hey, I'm not gonna run around talking to people about it. Your stuff is safe with me."

He wasn't loose lipped - for all his many and varied other foibles, he wasn't a gossip.

"I'm not weirded out. I'm just... Y'know. No-one likes making a jerk of themselves. I'm not always in control of what I'm feeling. I wouldn't want you to think badly of me because of what I'm feeling at any given moment. But I guess if you and the Other Me were so close, you probably know This Me well enough that you know all about what I'm feeling when you're around. If that... makes any sense."

He scratched at the back of his head with a knuckle and shrugged, a little red faced.

You'd be surprised, she wanted to argue. I've known plenty of people who don't care what others think.

Voile found herself nodding instead, more than a little reassured by his response. He wasn't worried about her or what she could (and most likely would) do. He was concerned about how he portrayed himself in front of her. To save his own skin. To save himself any potential embarrassment.

"There are connections between you from now and the you from before," the Gardevoir admitted gently. "But you are two still completely different individuals." It will take me time to remind myself of that. "While I feel a great sense of familiarity, it may be more my own feelings that cause it. True, however, that even being different people, at the core, both Knuckles were the same. Consequently, I will already have a better understanding of you than most people here would."

She smiled and reached over to pat him on the head. "Just don't worry too much. I only ever want you to be yourself. Even if you get tongue-tied or flustered. Believe it or not, but it's all pretty charming and I know something about charm."

"Really? I'm standing here red faced and trippin' over my own tongue and that's charming?" he asked, more than a little surprised. "I woulda figured that'd just make me look kinda lame."

You know. Lame like the kind of guy who's only ever met like five girls before moving to this school, four of which he'd fought or raced and one of which who was six years old.

"I'll take your word for it. You probably DO know more about charm than I do."

She was probably the most charming person he'd met in his short little Echidna-ey life.

"Lame?" she parroted, as if she almost couldn't believe it. He thought he looked lame. What were men thinking women were looking for anyway? For all that she could get into a man's head to find the 'what,' discovering the 'why' was still a concept that oft eluded her.

Voile shook her head with a laugh, "In the way that some boys like sweet and good girls. There are some boys who like rough and tumble girls. The same goes vice versa. Some girls like guys who are extremely tough and coarse around the edges. Some girls like guys who are suave and debonair. Some girls like guys that trip over themselves."

Lifting her shoulders in a shrug, the Gardevoir continued, "Whatever it is. It's almost like a compliment. I mean, the behaviour. If someone's acting tough or impressive or shy, it's because they're influenced by an outside force. If you get nervous around me, I assume it's because you hold my company in high esteem. There's no better compliment to be paid."

"Oh? Oh. I mean, well, yeah. I definitely hold your company in high esteem."

Wait, was she saying she LIKED guys who stumbled over their words and blushed as red as tomatoes and found it hard to assemble a sentence? That seemed an odd standard for attractiveness but then again, his only crush so far had been a girl who stole his life's work and tricked him several times into doing her grunt work. Maybe he was just a masochist, and in which case, who was he to judge.

"Well, I mean, if you like guys who trip over themselves, I guess it all works out. Heh!"

"I like all different kinds of guys," Voile admitted with some thought.

She pulled a face in thought as she went through her list of different guys she'd admired for this, that, or the other reason. And in some cases, she had to admit that she must have been a glutton for punishment as well. Some of the guys in her history were just no good for her and she'd known it and gone and done it anyway. Meaning, she'd probably deserved what she endured, after all.

"I was pretty sure I didn't have to be restricted to one type. Confident guys. Bashful guys. Cool guys. Not-so-good guys. Really good guys. I guess my liking is a bit unconditional."

"Fair enough. I guess I don't really have a 'type' or even 'types'."

He shrugged. Out of the girls he'd met so far, there wasn't enough correlation to assemble a type. Except that two of them were purple. ~~And had the same voice actress.~~

Then again, he probably did have a 'type' that he just didn't know about yet. The Other Him had enough of an idea of what he liked that he wound up married. Married to a girl who had been born as a walking talking mushroom. So there was a thing. Though, the Other Him had been able to become a Human, to...

"I guess that stuff comes with, uh. Y'know. Time. Experience."

Needing more than two hands to count the number of ladies you knew on a first name basis.

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Did you want to swap memories too? =3

WE CAN, IF YOU'D LIKE.

OK!

/rngs memories aww yea

/Haha, got 'pick a Sonic game he's been in'. Why did I make that so vague? XD

GOOD JOB. I'll trade you a memory for a memory.

Woo! \o/

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