smash_logs | Once upon a time I was falling in love...

His reaction. Made her angry. It was the only way she could think of it. And she almost reacted irrationally. In fact, how she stopped herself, she didn't know.

Pulling her hands over her face, she thought about crying too. Like that might help. Except it wouldn't, of course. It didn't help when she discovered Cyrus was back. It didn't help when she'd locked herself away for those two weeks in hopes of hiding. And just when she thought she was finally getting somewhere, Sonny had to come back too.

Like it was some divine punishment. Had she been such a bad person? Was it because she was just finally starting to warm up to the idea of Marie? But that couldn't have been it too much because in all honesty, Voile wasn't very open with the Wartortle. She could have been his girlfriend in practise even if they didn't say it, but she certainly held him at arm's length.

"I had assumed you would say that," she managed to utter after too many moments of silence. "I don't know why I thought saying anything to you would help. All you can do is stand there and either berate yourself for leaving or despise me for not waiting a year for you to come back."

I didn't know you'd come back. I thought you were just going to leave me. I expected you to. It hurt so much less just to assume you'd go without a word to me.

"And neither are fair to you nor me." She sighed with a great reluctance, "I have no right to make this request of you, but please don't talk to Marie about this yet. He didn't do anything wrong. He wasn't rude to me or mean, or cruel. He and I don't talk about anything between us, because we both were thinking of you. What he really thinks of me, I don't know at all. I know he likes me and I know he cares and worries about me. Do I think he loves me? No. Probably not."

Her head tipped, "Do I love him?" That was probably what Sonny really wanted to know. "Not the way that I love you. I loved him as a friend. I love all of my friends. But I'm not... in love with him." Because the only person she'd ever felt she was 'in love' with was Sonny.

"Alright. I won't say anything to Marie."

Which... in all honesty was going to be hard. If the two spent any time together it was going to be painfully frustrating not to ask questions. She said that they were always thinking of him but it was hard to see that right now. He felt glad to hear her say she didn't love Marie the same way she loved him. But then he felt bad for finding a victory in that - why shouldn't she? Marie was awkward and people found it hard to get along with him sometimes, and he knew for a fact that he found it hard to tell people how he felt even under great circumstances... But he was a wonderful person when all was said and done. He deserved love. He deserved happiness too, and if he'd found some in Voile that was only to be expected. She could make anyone happy, after all. Even a sulky Wartortle.

"I love you too. I hope you know that. You do, right?" he finally said, stepping forward again, his big, thick fingered hand hovering an inch or two over her shoulder, almost as if she looked fragile enough to break suddenly if he touched.

"I love you too. I hope you know that."

Had she? No. Not really. She'd never asked him. She'd never wanted to have that conversation with him. She still didn't really want to in the present, but she found herself minutely stuck. Although it seemed like a crime to be honest with him and open when she'd not been able to be open with Marie. She was in the wrong and the more she tried to view it objectively, the more she could see just how much she was ruining things.

Or had ruined things already. Simply by existing. Simply by being herself. As she stared at the ground, his words sat in her head, the mere vibrations that they were and she thought she went numb.

If I were wise, I would remove myself entirely. I have no place between them. And neither of them deserve to be stuck with someone like me.

"I can't claim to know what love is. Because if you love me, then you are probably the first. I've never... had anyone tell me that before." Somehow it made her happy and filled her with a bitterness she longed to ignore.

"I do love you." he said, finally allowing his hand to settle on her shoulder. "I'm not... I don't know about how to be good at this stuff. I'm actually really really confused about everything right now? But I know I love you."

But he loved Marie, too. It was a different kind of love. And he didn't want to sacrifice his feelings for either one, but really, that seemed less than realistic right now. Considering Marie got upset over things that Sonny didn't even pretend to understand? This whole mess could really be a problem.

She took his hand and held it between her own, with a kind of respect, as if she might not get to do so again. Her words were not false or untrue. She loved Sonny with everything in her. She loved him so much that it was painful and it was the kind of sensation she didn't want to particularly feel because it was immensely strong. And it made her feel weak.

But he probably didn't see her like that.

"I shouldn't have said anything."

Simply put, entirely what she believed. "If I had kept it to myself..." It was easy to dislike herself. And she couldn't tell him to forget about it.

I waited so long, Sonny. I wanted to see you so much. I felt so very empty without you here. You took so much of me with you when you left. I gave you so much of me. But the girl you've returned to isn't the girl worth the effort.

"Thank you," she finally said, lifting his hand so she might nestle her cheek into his palm. "For everything you've done for me. For every kind word. For every afternoon. For each moment."

"You're welcome - I want to thank you for all the same things." And he wanted there to be more of them, of course. Of all of it.

"...and I am glad you talked to me about it. I really am. It's going to be... um. It's a difficult thing? But I think talking about it is the first thing that has to happen."

Because it was important to him thast it got resolved. One way or the other, he wanted things to be OK and for everyone to get along.

At first she simply stared at him. Then she gave him the smallest smile. Still sincere. But reserved. So perhaps it wasn't too different from what she normally gave him.

A sigh followed, "You're too sweet."

Then she eyed him with respect, "You love me, then? Your final conclusion where I'm concerned?" Or perhaps she just wanted to hear him say it again.

"I do. I have. It's not..." He paused. It was hard to figure out how to put what he wanted to say into words at the best of times, let alone an emotional point in time like this. "...I didn't know when was a good time to tell you? But I did my best to show it. And I hoped that you understood it."

Because while he was nice to most people - even people he didn't like that much - he was extra special super nice to her.

"...that probably sounds really dumb. I'm new at this."

"I..."

Lifting her left hand, she rested it over her cheek, keeping hold on his hand with her right. "I've found I'm very oblivious. I don't seem to realise when people have interest in me. Or I don't take it very seriously."

She couldn't help but to think of how tense Marie was when Seth had come to flatter her so blatantly and unabashedly. Perhaps there was more where he was concerned, as well. Although she was sure he was still only teasing with her. She hoped, anyway.

"I don't think it sounds silly. What sounds silly is that I'm asking you something I could have just as easily found out by prying into your feelings. Or maybe I was just... afraid to have that conversation. It's... hard to expose your heart, after all." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I... apologise for putting you in a place where you had to. Without doing so of your own accord."

"No, it's OK. I don't really mind at all." Sonny replied, shaking his head. "I'm glad that we're talking about it. Even if the other things around it are kind of tricky."

Because, at the back of his mind, he couldn't shake the little voice that was reminding him that all this Love and Confessions Of It were perhaps taking something from Marie. He had to wonder how the conversation between her and Marie was going to go, and whether Marie was going to take things nearly so well.

"I had... wanted to talk with you about it before," Voile admitted.

"I'm not good with my feelings. I'm good with everyone else's, but I have a difficult time trying to dissect mine. I'm used to trying to pretend they aren't there, so..."

She tilted her head, "Do you remember that night at the tavern? You told me you had talked with Red about me. Like you made me sound so great and I was so scared. Afraid I wouldn't match those expectations. Afraid I wouldn't - couldn't be the person you needed me to be. I still feel that way."

Motioning to herself, she frowned, "I don't think that I can be anything that anyone needs me to be. But I always feel like that. I thought I would have outgrown it, but I... just don't know. I wish I could see myself the way you do, Sonny."

"But you ARE great, though? You shouldn't be nervous about stuff like that. I think almost anyone would like you. And I knew Red would even before you two met."

To be fair, this was partially due to his absolutely unshakable faith in his trainer as a wonderful person too.

"I wish you COULD see yourself the way I do. That would be great."

He wondered if she could feel what he felt when he was around her and if maybe that would be enough.

"Am I, though?"

She certainly didn't feel great. If anything, she almost felt worse because he thought she was. She didn't get that at all. He was so genuinely interested in her. Okay. He so genuinely loved her. And that was slightly terrifying. In an exciting way. She wasn't sure.

"I'd probably love myself if I could. Maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea. Better to be modest than it is to be vain."

"Of course. I wouldn't of said it, otherwise."

Simple logic, but it was sound in Sonny's mind.

"It's a balance that you have to get right. It's OK to like yourself but if you start being a jerk about it, then it puts people off. You can like yourself and still be modest. I don't think there's any kind of rule that says you can't do that. I like Me, but I don't use that as an excuse to brag or anything."

True. It was a good point.

"I don't think you've ever bragged about anything since we've known each other," she admitted. "But I also don't think you have a harmful bone in your body. You're always thinking of other people, but I'm not sure you think of yourself enough."

A slight frown and she gave him an encouraging rub to his forearm with her free hand. "I hope you'll learn how to do that. Helping other people is always great, but it's good if you help yourself, too."

"I help myself to seconds and thirds at dinner. Maybe that sort of counts?" he replied with a little chuckle. She was right, he did need to think of himself a little more. It was hard, though, when he cared about so many people so much.

She snorted. She actually snorted. And after more than a few moments of embarrassment, Voile sheepishly smiled. "That does not count."

Squeezing his hand once more, she gave him a somewhat sly side glance. "How about this? Let's make a promise, Sonny. You promise me that once a day you'll do something that's genuinely, truly for you. And I'll make you a promise as well, of your choosing."

"A Promise? Huh."

He paused. He would have to do something genuinely, truly for himself every day that didn't include seconds and thirds at dinner? He wondered what that could be. Well, maybe he could listen to more of his favorite music? Maybe go different places on his own? He could see how that could be fun.

"OK. I promise!"

What would he want her to promise, though? She'd already said she was in love with him and that was really all he wanted from her.

"I don't know what to ask you to do, though? What would you like me to ask you to promise to do?"

"That's an unfair question," she chided him gently.

Quieting herself, her head tipped from side to side as she gave his question some serious contemplation. "Hm. I asked you to make me a promise that was really important to me. So you should have me make a promise about something that's really important to you."

But she had a feeling that it sounded a lot more simple to say it than it was to actually do it.

"Um. Hmmm. OK."

Sonny scratched the back of his head, and his brow creased in thought. He really couldn't think of a single thing he wanted her to promise to do. She had asked him to do something for himself and really, he wanted to ask her to do the same thing. But he didn't want to just copy the promise he'd made her make, because that might look like he wasn't taking it seriously. Which he was.

"Voile, can I think about it and ask you later?" he finally decided on.

"Absolutely," she replied without skipping a beat.

With a smile, she seemed satisfied by his choice of action. He could take all the time to think about it that he wanted. Fact of the matter was that she thought if they made a promise together, they'd feel closer to one another. But was that really such a good thing with what she was getting herself involved with?

Probably not. And she probably knew it.

"I was thinking," she began as her head tipped and she eyed the ground. "That maybe we should just... relax today. I know I said I was going to show you the contest hall, but I really like the idea of sitting down for some lunch with you and just talking. I missed talking with you a lot."

"Oh? OK. We could do that instead." Sonny replied with a nod. He was just a little disappointed - he'd wanted to see it and see what it looked like and see if there was maybe, possibly any way he could still help out. But if she'd rather just relax, then that was OK too. And lunch was definitely OK by him.

"Let's just do that, then!"

"We can go see the contest hall another day," Voile reassured him as she smiled. "I just... Look. I like looking at you. I like seeing your face. And I don't want to look away. So I just want to take today and give you all of my attention."

She smiled a little shyly, "...Is that okay?"

"OK. We can go have lunch and you can just look at my face." he said, poking himself in the cheeks and grinning. "You're right. We have lots of other days we can go and look at the contest hall, so, it is OK if we don't do that today."

He reached out and hugged her again. She wanted to give him all of her attention? Well, that was more than fine by him. He'd soak up that attention like a sponge and give it back to her two-fold.

He hugged her. That was sweet. Sweet enough that she began to turn a little pink. In some ways, he was making her feel like the girl she once was. Pokemon. Whatever. Same difference.

So rather than to let him go so quickly, she took a moment to consider the situation, then lifted her arms and hugged him back. Just a sweet embrace. An affectionate one. One that made her remember how much she'd missed him and how very happy she was to see him again.

"Thank you for understanding," she replied to him gently. "That means a lot to me."

CLEARLY YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MUST DO.

My new mission in life!

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