smash_logs | You're gonna test, and I'm gonna watch.

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You're gonna test, and I'm gonna watch.

Who: Weetabix. YOU.
What: TIME EATING
When: Who even knows.
Where: ~~APERTURE~~ WHEATLEY LABS
Warnings: Weird time shenanigans. Inappropriate noises.

You walk through the door and find yourself in a room.

title or description

You appear to be alone. The room is empty save the door you came from and a door that is obviously the exit--though neither will open. A large, red button sits in the middle of the chamber, surrounded by several cube...things.

There is an oversized TV monitor bolted to the wall but it appears to be off.

In front of you is a pedestal that holds two things--a strange device and a pair of boots. The gun-like apparatus has two triggers, but firing either at any of the walls does nothing. More fiddling, however, and you might realize that the gun can be used for picking things up--and perhaps even used to put things on other things (HINT HINT).

The floor and walls shake gently around you, tremors of some far-off disturbance. You might want to put those boots on, and find a way out of here while you're at it.

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No sooner had Raiden and Raiden's shoe pushed the button than the once-blank monitor TURNED ON, revealing what could only be a giant robot overlord, leering down at the janitor with a single blue eye.

"You solved it! Good! Good...for you."

Wheatley knew how these events would play out--what he didn't expect was all these strange new humans showing up in his testing tracks. But really, who was he to turn down NEW TEST SUBJECTS?

"You might want to tell me who you are, though. And where you came from."

The button apparently did one of three things: not kill him, open the door, and summon GIANT ROBOT FACE...!

Raiden flinched and retracted his foot, immediately noticing the door shut as soon as he did. His attention however, was largely focused on the big looming robo--wait a second.

"You're... you're that new robot guy in the library! ~~I MIGHT'VE FOUND YOU IN A TOILET ONCE.~~"

Raiden balked, not even registering the question that said robot guy had asked. "What are you doing here? Where am I? How do I get out of here?"

"Yes! Yes I am. Very astute of you, just appointed Library Assistant, but this is what I did back home."

He lowered his shutters in an apparent inspection of the TINY BLONDE HUMAN in his test chamber, as if trying to place a name, to little success. "And you're the janitor, I remember now. Not sure how we got here, but I say we make the best of it, right?"

And that meant they were going to test.

"Why do you want to leave so soon?"

Raiden blinked. Maybe once or twice, then swiveled around and took in his surroundings yet again like another breath of air.

"Home?" He echoed. This was his home?

"I just..." Why did he want to leave so soon? Because he thought it wasn't safe (with those ominous rumblings, vague burning smell and top-secret-government-facility styled surroundings)? He didn't know where he was? That not only did Raiden not know how he ended up here but Library Assistant guy didn't know either? The tiny blonde human slouched in his posture, letting the portal gun hang lazily from his hand, looking more at ease but only more confused.

"Don't you think it's weird we're just..." He ran a hand through his hair. "here for no reason? That doesn't bother you?"

Then Raiden reminded himself he had been living at a place for the past approximately three years where weird shit is actually quite a normal occurrence. SIGH.

"What is all this stuff anyway?" The gun, the boots, the button, the...

"...those things?" Crawling around and looking like they wanted desperately to be put out of their misery.

Edited (repeating words ugh) 2012-06-30 07:01 (UTC)

"Well, yes. I do. But I can't say I mind, really." There was something to be said about running the entire facility, after all, even if this was probably just some kind of strange mass hallucination that...also...affected...robots.

WHATEVER he wasn't going to complain, not when there was science to do.

"That, what you've got in your hand, is an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. You'll need it for the tests. Those,"

And he glanced rather halfheartedly at the frankenturrets "are boxes with legs. They are also for the tests."

He didn't think this was a bad idea...?

At explanation, Raiden re-inspected the gun--correction--Portal Device in his hand. It made portals? He didn't believe it. A quick PEW PEW at the surface of the walls however, revealed a very different result than his initial firings upon the boxes-with-legs-for-the-tests.

"Whoa...!" It made a blue oval-shaped portal appear before his very eyes! That in its own right was quite fascinating to someone who had never seen anything like it before, and his surprise only doubled when he managed to get the gun to fire a second, orange portal upon the wall. It took only a small amount of further experimentation to gather that some surfaces (most in this room) worked, and others didn't. He could stick his hand through one (after a very long, cautious and perhaps overly dramatic approach to the surface of the portal) and it would appear out the other!

"This is incredible."

Raiden wouldn't have noticed at all if Wheatley was bored, entertained, pleased or annoyed by the blonde's new found fascination with the ASHPD (and not the tests themselves). He was simply awe-struck.

"Did you make this?"

Edited (quite quite quite ) 2012-07-07 07:44 (UTC)

"Ah, no." Though he half-considered taking credit for it. He wasn't exactly the best at discerning subtle human emotions, but Raiden looked and sounded thoroughly impressed.

"But it is incredibly scientific, and I am glad you like it. What don't you head through that door over there and we can do some real tests?"

Oh right. Tests.

Raiden proceeded as instructed through the door, leaving behind the fantastic go-go boots (obviously they were for a girl), and some of the awe.

"What kind of tests?" Cautious uncertainty began to creep back into the blonde, especially as he took his first steps out onto the catwalk. It was unnerving how it was suspended at a seemingly impossible height. He really didn't want to fall, and walked quickly down the only path available to him.

"Think of them as...obstacle courses," he answered nonchalantly. "What we've developed here, at Aper--Wheatley Laboratories, is a kind of cube-and-button-based testing. The ultimate goal is to--is to put the cube on the button. You'll see soon enough."

The test chambers tended to be a bit self-explanatory after all.

"Just through that door, there."

AND LO.

That sounded... dumb. Weird at best, but what did Raiden know? He had his nerdy moments but advanced laboratory-style sciences weren't his forte. He figured he'd let first-hand observation speak for itself, and sure enough the next test chamber was...

"What is... that?" He came face to face with some kind of... spiraling blue vortex that went straight up into the ceiling--and then beyond, as he noted the hole in the ceiling. Also on the ceiling was a button.

"How am I supposed to get a cube up there?"

"See, I'd love to help you out," he began, rolling his optical fixture idly in his casing. Faster test solving meant faster euphoria after all, but he'd learned from the last time and he wasn't about to get shocked. "But I can't actually help you solve the tests. Physically incapable, in fact."

If he had shoulders, he would have shrugged.

"What I can tell you, is that you're looking at an Excursion Funnel. It's perfectly safe!"

Safe, huh? He stuck his hand in the funnel and as implied, nothing happened to him. If anything he felt a sort of... suction lifting his hand up. Not enough to pull his whole body, but it didn't take much more than a step forward to immerse himself in the funnel.

He was... floating upwards! SCIENCE WAS REALLY AWESOME. The blonde broke into a wide grin as it was carried up through the hole in the ceiling and into the next area. There was one of those freaky box creatures. Somehow he just had to get that back down there. Somehow.

Thud. Speaking of which... how was he supposed to get back down there? With his back bumping into the ceiling, Raiden wrested against the funnel but quickly found it was a loosing battle.

"I can't... get down...!" He made many manners of over-exaggerated swimming motions and frustrated grunts, and found the only direction he could go was left or right with enough struggling. One arm was free of the funnel, then his torso, then a leg--and seemingly all at once gravity kicked in and he felt himself being pulled down much too fast.

Only by sheer luck and desperate twisting in the air did he manage to pop back in the funnel, and not fall to his death. Thud. The ceiling greeted him once more. Then, he remembered he had a device that could create literal holes in walls--including and not limited to, ceiling walls. Pop a portal here, pop a portal there and to his surprise, not only did he go through it, but the blue swirling funnel as well. It didn't take much more than a little experimentation for him to get an excision funnel and the box creature where it needed to go.

Though he couldn't help Raiden solve the tests, he fell silent and watched intently, pleasantly surprised at how quickly he seemed to understand the concept of the puzzle, arranging the pieces in their proper order. He allowed Raiden to work out the solution in silence, but as soon as that cube hit the button--

"Haha, yes. That's it."

Did you know robots could make those noises? NOW YOU DO.

"You picked that up pretty quickly. Have you done this before?"

Yeah that... sounded like he was really into this test solving thing. Raiden tried to not mind it.

"I... play a lot of video games." He answered, sounding a little hesitant. Admitting something like that--even trying to brag about the virtues of Virtual Reality training--got him laughed and ridiculed. Granted, he thought this Wheatley guy might have a better appreciation for his skills, especially if he was asking. Maybe.

"Nothing this complex, though."

Edited 2012-07-16 09:00 (UTC)

"I see," he replied, pretending like he knew exactly what video games were. What did matter to him, however, was that he'd found someone apparently adept at solving his MIND-BENDERS. And as informative as it was to stand around talking about Raiden's puzzle-solving experience, that creeping, buzzing itch was already starting to find its way back into his system.

"We're not quite finished yet, though. Still have to go through the door."

Video games were a wonder Wheatley NEVER KNEW...

"Right." This wasn't so bad but Raiden was still eager to get out of here. This felt like training. This felt like he was back in the army. Just a soldier. Well... apparently test subject, in this instance, not that it really seemed to make much of a difference.

Through the door and up the elevator he went, finding himself in the next testing chamber. Predictably, it looked a little more complex than the last, and--

Whoa. Raiden creeped up to the edge of the floor, and peered down into that seemingly endless abyss. More blue vortexes... He felt his stomach turn at the implied notion of having to jump down into them, and immediately stepped backwards, shaking his head. Big Shell was high up but this looked bottomless.

"What's down there?"

YESSSSS through the door, and the next shot of euphoria hit him like a freight train. This was good. This was very good. Raiden was good at the tests, and didn't seem to want to kill him.

That was the best part.

What he could not afford was his favorite new test subject falling off the ledge to certain doom.

"A very long fall," he answered matter-of-factly. "Pretty sure that pit is bottomless."

"Isn't there another test I can take?"

One that doesn't involve bottomless falls...

Wheatley appeared to to think about that for a moment.

"Ah, yes. There is. You'll just have to do this one first. Just be careful, watch your step, doublecheck your portals. You'll be fine."

"That doesn't help!" Raiden whined. He peered over the ledge again, fighting off any looming dizziness. He could do this. He'd done worse... right?

With a deep breath he took the plunge, falling through the air and landed in the funnel. He flailed for a moment, until he was sure he wasn't about to fall any more. The funnel was pushing him towards an empty wall. Okay... if I put one here... He popped a portal, And another one here... and just like before he was able to manipulate the swirling blue vortexes halfway across the room.

AFTER A WHILE AND ACCIDENTALLY MIXING UP HIS ORANGE AND BLUES AND HAVING A FEW CLOSE CALLS/FALLS, HE MANAGED TO MAKE IT TO THE BUTTON. He was less worried about making a few mistakes/experiment when it came to repeating the process in order to funnel over the cube, better able to see what he was doing when he wasn't actually in the funnels. He seemed to be doing pretty good so far, but how long could he really keep this up?

The skittering little frankecube eventually found its way on the ceiling button, and as soon as the grates provided a path to the door, he was jogging over and wiping the sweat off his brow, eager to get out of this room.

"How many more of these?"

"Of course it doesn't," he replied flatly. "I'm not allowed to help you solve the tests. Physically can't, if you were wondering.

Wheatley was not particularly keen on experiencing those electric shocks again. Only sweet, sweet euphoria now.

The problem was (and he should have anticipated it, really) that this particular dose was not as strong as previous ones. It was made doubly frustrating by the fact that Raiden seemed to be wondering when it was over.

"Uh, as many as I feel like. Why? Is there a problem?"

"Uh... yeah that's a problem." He nearly all but grumbled. "I can't just solve tests for you all day. I need to eat and sleep too."

He wasn't a robot ~~yet~~.

"Actually, no! It's not. Got the whole thing planned out."

Wheatley sounded incredibly pleased to relay this very exciting news. "Pumping the room full of adrenal vapor as we speak. Thanks to our incredibly scientific advancements, sleep is a thing of the past. Lucky for you, really."

Raiden of course, was now very consciously aware of his breathing, his mind trying to find some reason why the air was suddenly bad.

"What about food? And water? Is that floating around in the air too?"

"It's possible! I haven't actually...checked."

He didn't sound terribly certain. "But trust me, She kept people on these tracks for ages, and they were just fine. You'll be just fine."

And possibly dead. Raiden didn't need to know that.

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whitedeviljack - 2012-08-14 07:58 (UTC) - Expand

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testgasm - 2012-08-15 22:50 (UTC) - Expand

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