You're gonna test, and I'm gonna watch.

[testgasm]

Who: Weetabix. YOU.
What: TIME EATING
When: Who even knows.
Where: APERTURE WHEATLEY LABS
Warnings: Weird time shenanigans. Inappropriate noises.

You walk through the door and find yourself in a room.



You appear to be alone. The room is empty save the door you came from and a door that is obviously the exit--though neither will open. A large, red button sits in the middle of the chamber, surrounded by several cube...things.

There is an oversized TV monitor bolted to the wall but it appears to be off.

In front of you is a pedestal that holds two things--a strange device and a pair of boots. The gun-like apparatus has two triggers, but firing either at any of the walls does nothing. More fiddling, however, and you might realize that the gun can be used for picking things up--and perhaps even used to put things on other things (HINT HINT).

The floor and walls shake gently around you, tremors of some far-off disturbance. You might want to put those boots on, and find a way out of here while you're at it.

Comments

[makesithot]

Chili had already groped the hell out of the gun, trying to figure out where the trigger would be located. Like in a movie! But there were two, and that left him confused. He wonders what they could be for when Cress gives him his analysis on the footwear.

"Do you think we have to wear them?" whines Chili before snickering at the appearance of the boots on Cress' feet. "Hey, whoa, you're tall now!" He uses his hand to show the difference, just for extra effect.

[makesitcool]

"I don't see any reason not to. Besides, you wouldn't want Cress to be taller than you, now would you?"

Effective marketing strategy.

[makesithot]

WOW HOW UNDERHANDED.

Chili snorts and hastily reaches for the shoes. "Yeah, we'll see about that!" He hastily pulls them on his feet, wobbles, then catches his balance. "Haha, whoa! These are pretty hot, actually."

He moves back to the guns. "Okay, I guess we need to take these, too. I don't know what they do yet, but we'll see soon enough, right? I'll try it out first," Chili decides, and he plants the gun in his hands. "There are two triggers. I wonder..."

Without trying to see what his brother thinks about it first, Chili tries to fire at a wall. Nothing happens. "Heeeeyyy, what giiives?!" WHAT A GRAND DISAPPOINTMENT.

[makesitcool]

"You might be using it wrong," Cress suggests. Then he goes right to admonishment. "And try to be more careful! You have no idea what it can do yet." Nonetheless, he went ahead and obtained his own portal gun.

What a strange room. Were those... robots creeping across the floor like boxy crustaceans? They conducted themselves rather awkwardly. "Anyway, shall we investigate the rest of this room?"

[makesithot]

Still seeming bummed out about the lack of action, Chili nods. "Sure."

A button. Some weird robots. The button was huuuge and red... Some may think that the whole button fascination is just a big joke, but it was really tempting to just go sit on it or something. See what it does. But that massive tremor that shakes the room frightens Chili from doing anything silly like that. "...Do you think we need to press that button?" Chili asks, turning to Cress. "Maybe we can get throw a box on it in case it's dangerous. See, see? I'm thinking ahead!" And here's Chili, trying to impress his brother by having something we like to call Rational Suggestions.

[makesitcool]

"Mmm... The problem with that is, it's not touching the button that could yield dangerous results. It's what happens after you press it that should warrant caution." He wanders closer to the button, sidestepping a Frankenturret that was pathetically heaving its own weight.

There was a white luminescent sign on the tile of the floor next to the platform. Cress takes notice of it, breaks into a faster pace to reach it more quickly, then signals to Chili excitedly once he's glimpsed it. "Come, look at this! We may have ourselves more of a lead. If I'm interpreting it correctly, we are to pick up one of the boxes and place it on this button. It's just as you said!"

He frowns afterward. "Somehow, it feels as though we are being... tested."

[makesithot]

Chili grins broadly. "Hah, I knew it! Come on, let's do it! If we're being tested, let's ace this and figure out what's up!" Now to get a box... Maybe one of the robot dudes won't mind being planted on the button? Some of them seemed to have a hard time getting back up if you set them down on their backs. Chili figures that might be the way to go about it.

"I'm going to use one of these little guys," Chili notifies Cress, halting in front of one of the turrets. He fiddles with the gun a little bit, wondering if it could do anything about this situation... Shooting it didn't do anything, but through a stroke of luck, Chili manages to get the apparatus to cooperate. "Hey, look at me, Cress! I've got this! Dang, I'm on fiiire!"

[makesitcool]

Cress can't help his small smile for Chili's energetic bravado. "That you are. Now place it on the button and we'll see what happens from there." He takes a short step back.

[makesithot]

"Gotcha!" Chili hops forward, the turret hovering above the button. "Now, to let go of this sucker..."

There. Chili drops the turret on the button and heads for Cress' side.

[testgasm]

As if on cue, the television monitor flickered to life, revealing a GIANT BLUE ROBOT FACE who appeared incredibly surprised by the sight before him.

The door, however, doesn't open.

"Two of you! Okay, wow, was not...exactly expecting two of you, but, uh. Well done! You've solved it."

[makesitcool]

"What? Who are you?" Cress cries, taken by surprise.

[makesithot]

"What?! Who are you?" Chili cries, taken by surprise.

[testgasm]

"Me?"

Giant blue robot eye manages to look incredibly proud of himself.

"I--It's Wheatley, and you're in my laboratory. Are the two of you here to test?"

As if the two of them have any choice, but shhhh.

[makesithot]

Chili appears somewhat irked. "No, we just woke up here! Maybe you have the wrong people, but we sure didn't sign up for this!"

[testgasm]

"Understandable," he answers, blue optic shifting down and to the side before fixing itself back on the siblings below.

"But, uh, while you're here, I'm sure you wouldn't mind solving a few tests."

Of course they won't mind! Who doesn't want to test?

[makesitcool]

So his suspicions were right on the dot... Numerous questions are swimming inside Cress's skull at the moment. It almost makes him feel dizzy with the sole weight of all the inquiries up for consideration in there.

"May I impose a few questions first? For instance, what sort of 'tests' are we to take?"

[testgasm]

"Oh, you know, just a few puzzles. Cube-and-button based testing, which you've already got figured out. What do you say?"

This is a totally convincing argument.

[makesithot]

Yes it was totally a convincing argument. At least, convincing enough for Chili. He grins.

"Things like this?! Man, talk about easy!! We've got this under control, no problem!" He turns his head toward his brother before adding, "Oh yeah, and then after we win, we get to go back to the academy, right?"

[testgasm]

"Uh, sure," he answered, though Wheatley was not entirely certain. With his luck, he'd just be able to test the two of them indefinitely.

"I wasn't exactly expecting two of you, so you'll have to give me a minute to find some, ah. Appropriate test chambers. Just go through that door, there, and we'll be on our way."

[makesitcool]

That weakly affirmative response Wheatley gave about their ability to leave afterward wasn't very reassuring. In fact, he seemed uncertain about a lot of things that he should presumably know about. How could Chili be so upbeat about testing at a time like this, under such puzzling and foreign circumstances? For all they knew, they could have been abducted! That had to be illegal! At least his brother's glowing optimism was something that could assure him, if this glowing blue light on screen couldn't do that instead. Whatever the case may be, it looked as though there was no choice. The tests did seem pretty harmless, not to mention easy. They might find answers later.

"If you must insist..." Cress glances toward the aforementioned door. Once he made sure Chili was on the same page about leaving the room, he heads that way alongside him. There was a prominent sinking feeling buried inside his chest.

[makesithot]

The redheaded brother gets one last look around the room before leading the way, evening out his pace to match Cress'. He's convinced: this must be the end of the line for these weird realities! First, in a weird world that kept shifting environment, then in an office building with Cyrus, and now here, in a testing facility, with Cress. Maybe it was time to share with him his conclusion.

In a hushed tone, Chili begins his briefing: "Cress, listen up! I think that if we just hang around for a bit, we'll be able to find our way out of here!" He flashes him a confident smile. "I mentioned this before, but I've already been through two of these weird places already. They seem like a series of wacky dreams! But as all dreams do, they end eventually. I don't know what's going on here, but maybe this is the last stop, and then we can make it back." He hopes that will help his brother to understand, at least to the same extent he does. Which... isn't much, he realizes.

[makesitcool]

Not really, Chili. Cress seems kind of confused. So confused, in fact, that he doesn't even know what kind of question to ask first.

"But are you absolutely positive that it will end?" He cradles his new portal gun over his left forearm, eyeing his surroundings warily as he spoke. "That is, if what you're saying makes any sense. What kinds of 'places' do you mean?" Obviously, this was Cress's very first adventure through fabricated space.

[makesithot]

Suddenly, Chili isn't sure. He hadn't considered the idea that the 'dreams' might not end. His eyes drift down, focusing hard on the portal gun in his own hand as he bites at the inside of his cheek. "...Places that I'm not familiar with," he tries, attempting to think of a better way to phrase it. "Aaahh, I can't think of a better way to put this! I don't think we're supposed to be here; every time I appear in one of these places I don't know and ask what's going on, everyone always looks at me all bewildered."

The two of them navigate through the door, and Chili tries to wrap it up. "I don't know! I just get a feeling that this is real and not a dream or anything. Maybe we just need to complete this and then we'll be back at the academy!" P-Perfect logic. "Just trust me for now, okay?"

[makesitcool]

There is a long trail of silence before he speaks. "You don't seem to have all the answers I desire, but I do believe you." He pauses again. "This certainly doesn't feel like a dream..."

His fears are not alleviated in the slightest. Still, what else can he do but swallow them and press on?

[testgasm]

The path from the first test chamber brings Chili and Cress along a series of catwalks, though there's no question about where to go. The platforms wind around and through large, black, cube-like structures and eventually lead into one.



"So let's just--let's just take a minute and introduce you to, ah. The tools of the trade, as it were. That is an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. Go ahead and fire it at those white panels, there, see what happens."