smash_logs | Pokemon! Genie! Kanto? It's a thing that's happening!

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Pokemon! Genie! Kanto? It's a thing that's happening!

Who: Shantae and Sonny Moe!
What: Kanto Adventures!
Where: Kanto! You know! The place where everyone wants to be the very best like no-one ever was!
When: Mid June
Warnings: Pokémon Battle Shenanigans
Music: You know which music you need to listen to.

The train ride from FDC was always pretty pleasant. The scenery was nice and it was a fairly long ride which allowed time for both gazing out the window at things flying by and also napping. Sonny, of course, insisted it was his treat whenever the snack trolley rolled past. The snack lady on the train had never made so much in one shift before...

...anyway. Kanto in Summertime is a wonderful place. The sun is shining, the Pidgey are Shin--er, singing, the Rattata are looking at their masses of squabbling children and regretting each and every life choice that led them to this moment. Today, they are joined by a portly, young, blue haired gentleman and his beautiful purple haired companion who just so happens to be a Genie.

"So! This is Pallet!" he said, turning to her and grinning. "I know it doesn't look like much, but it's a great place!"

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"OK!" Sonny replied, turning to face the Rockets as they climbed on board.

"Sorry! But your trip has been cancelled! HNGH!"

He hunched over and flexed every muscle under every layer of insulation that his massive torso possessed. The R stretched and then tore in a glorious display of shredded fabric. It hung from his body in tatters.

He was keeping the beret, though.

"Hand over the baby Pokémon and no-one gets hurt!"

Shantae didn't say anything, but that was actually really cool. She responded by throwing off the beret she wore, grinning triumphantly. "Go ahead and give me a reason to kick all your butts," she warned. "Your plan ends here!"

Sonny grinned at her. That was all SO BADASS!

The burly guy watched them and said nothing. Sonny took the opportunity to run over and drop the gang-plank into the ocean. "Now you can't escape, either! Hand over the cases with the Pokémon in them and we'll leave you be!"

"Poor, foolish little Rattata." the huge Rocket said, no hint of pity in his voice at all. "You haven't trapped me on this ship with you. You've trapped yourselves on this ship with me!"

And that was when, instead of unleashing a Pokémon, he lunged forward and punched Sonny Moe in the face.

Sonny hadn't been expecting that.

"Hey!" Shantae shouted.

Well. So much for the Kanto rules of engagement.

Sorry, Sonny, it was time for an ass kicking HER way.

"You're gonna regret getting stuck here with me," she warned him, raising her head and cracking her ponytail right at the big guy's back.

The huge Rocket wasn't expecting the attack and stumbled forward.

Sonny, nursing a bloody nose, got to his feet. "Hey! You're supposed to bring out a Pokémon! Not punch me!"

"You fool!" Surly McMusclelump laughed, taking off his own Rocket beret to reveal three parallel Mohawks. "I AM a Pokémon!"

His own shirt started to ripple, then exploded outward revealing an additional set of arms.

"A Humanized Machamp! Now, get ready to deal with some real pain!"

Sonny looked at Shantae, kind of flabbergasted. WELL. This was unexpected!

Shantae was surprised. But only for a moment, before a different emotion overtook her.

Excitement.

"Finally! Someone I can just beat up without having to follow these stupid battle rules!" she declared, cracking her knuckles. "You're in for a world of hurt, buddy!"

Sonny hadn't been expecting this guy to be a fellow Pokémon - a Pokémon working WITH Team Rocket!? Unthinkable! Well, unless this guy had a trainer... That MUST be it.

"Hey! Machamp guy?" Sonny said, extending his hands out in a gesture of peace. "Take it easy? Look, I know that your trainer must be making you do this? But it's OK! You really don't have to! My friend and I can save you, OK? You can come back with us and--"

While Sonny was talking, the Machamp grabbed him with two hands and started wiling on him with the others.

"I have no trainer! I'm the future of this organization! SAVE me? You wretched little Muk! Concentrate on saving yourself!"

Shantae, on the other hand, wasn't all that interested in making peace. No, she was more interested in kicking butt and saving baby Pokemon.

To that end, she took another mighty crack of her hair whip at the big guy. "Okay, you want a fight, you've got it! Sonny, what type is he, and what's he weak to?"

Sonny spat blood on the deck and turned his head to face her as best as he could.

"He's a Machamp which is a fighting type! Weak to flying and psychic type attacks!"

"Shut UP!" the Machampman roared, slamming a fist into Sonny's gut.

The Snorlax wheezed "I'm a Normal type. His attacks are super effective against me. But I bet he's being made to do this? Pokémon wouldn't willingly become Rockets!"

"You know nothing of our plans! What we've become!" The Rocket replied, flinging Sonny across the deck. "But you'll know soon! You'll ALL know!"

The Snorlax came to rest against the side of the boat. Despite being pretty handily punched up and thrown about, he didn't look too badly off. His eye would probably blacken up a bit and that nose was smooshed. But he hadn't lost any teeth and his jaw wasn't broken, so, he was OK. He could still eat.

"How does that hair hurt so much!?" their assailant roared, turning to face Shantae and crack knuckles that were reddened by Sonny's nose exploding. "I'll rip it out if you hit me with it again!"

"Fine by me!" Shantae said, backstepping. "I owe you some payback for hurting Sonny there! Weak to flying, huh? Let's test that!"

She started to dance, and shifted into Harpy form, flapping her wings to get over him. She was gonna enjoy beating him up...

The Machamp was amazed into silence for a moment.

Sonny struggled to his feet and looked up to see Shantae looking Extremely Badass.

"....Grunts! Change of plan!" the Machamp guy roared. "Capture her! Her shape-changing abilities will help us expand our knowledge of Humanization! One Million Pokéyen to the Grunt who nabs her!"

So far as the Snorlax cared, this would not stand.

"Hey! Don't even try it - your Pokéballs won't work on her anyway and besides! I'm a Humanized Pokémon too! And I'm way better at it than you are!" He pointed at the Machamp who turned to look him over. "That's right! I'm a Snorlax! My name is Sonny Moe and my Trainer's name is Red! Maybe you've heard of him?"

If Shantae wanted an opening to drop a harpyload of whup-ass on any one of their enemies, that was it, because every Rocket on deck turned to stare at the bloody face and busted nose behind that proclamation. Red. The most hated name in all Rocket History, destined to go down in infamy as the boy who stole Giovanni from them.

Oh yeah, she was taking advantage of it. She dove down, grabbing one unsuspecting grunt with her talons, before throwing him right at Machamp Man. She then dove at Machamp Man himself, and while he was thrown off balance, she would deliver some claw slashes at him.

"AUGH! MAAAAAA!"

Shantae's claws raked at the Machamp's skin and he yelled out in pain - even though she wasn't a Pokémon, her claws were still sharp enough to do plenty of damage. He swung an arm out at her, trying to grab for her feet.

"Oh no you don't!" Sonny yelled, bounding across the deck and slamming a fist into the Machamp's incredibly toned stomach. It was a sound like a slab of meat hitting a concrete floor. Sonny felt the impact all the way up into his shoulder and the Machamp doubled over, the wind driven out of his chest.

"EVERYBODY STOP!" yelled the rocket who had been carrying the cases containing the baby Pokémon. He was at the edge of the boat, dangling them out over the water. "If you two make one more move I'll drop them into the sea! These are what you're here for, right? They'll be lost forever if you make one more move!"

Sonny froze.

The Machamp coughed and then hit Sonny in the back of the head, sending him faceplanting into the deck.

Shantae wasn't intimidated. She could get the case back if that punk dropped it, but of course they didn't know that.

And she had a bad temper.

Go for the case, take out the boss... Go for the case, take out the boss...

She winced a bit, but the choice was clear. Sorry, Sonny... She set down on the deck and transformed back... then bolted for the guy carrying the case.

"Augh!" the Rocket yelled, chucking the cases so he could cover his face - he hadn't actually expected them to call his bluff! He would have never dropped the cases of his own volition, he was just trying to fake them out!

They fell into the ocean and their guarded, metal sides caused them to sink dramatically.

"....oooh noooo!" squirmed the Rocket Scientist, looking fearfully at the Machamp Man who was turning so red in the face, you'd almost assume he was using Bide.

"You IMBECILE"

Sonny was groggy as all hell, but managed to push himself up onto all fours at least. He was glad Shantae had picked trying to save the baby Pokémon over coming to his aid, even if that hadn't gone according to plan. There were priorities in this situation and she'd understood them admirably. Hopefully Sonny could employ some nice water types to help him locate the cases. But now the Machamp guy was striding towards Shantae and the Scientist guy and even watching him from the back, Sonny knew there was murder on that Fighting type's mind.

"Hey! Hey, Machamp! Hey! I'm actually not done...?" He said, forcing himself to stand. "You're a mean spirited, poor excuse for a Pokémon. Your punches are alright, but you could hit me in the face all day and you'd never K.O. me! I'm level 82. You're... what? Level 32? 33 at most? You got traded early to evolve fast, right? Rockets do that a lot."

The Machamp stopped mid stride and turned around to face Sonny, the rage on his face not abating in the slightest. "...you don't know what you're talking about!"

"I do." the Snorlax replied before giving a long, wet sniff and drawing his arm along under his nose to wipe away some of the blood. "Your attacks are hard because you have a high attack stat, but they're nothing compared to what I've dealt with before. I helped beat the Kanto Champion, Green. I helped beat down Giovanni's team. You broke the nose of a person who didn't fight back and was trying to help you out. You didn't even do a really good job of that? Now that the baby Pokémon are off the ship... we can end things. Shantae? I think we can finish this up your way."

The boat shifted uncomfortably quickly under everyone's feet as Sonny transformed.

"You're right," Shantae said, hopping up on to the edge of the ship. She turned and pointed at the Rockets dotting the deck. "You punks have caused MORE than your share of trouble! Kidnapping, hurting my friends, and now dumping a bunch of baby Pokemon overboard because you're cowards? Guess what? You're about to learn why you don't mess with a Guardian Genie!"

She did a few more dance moves. She transformed again... this time into a mermaid. She dove off of the edge of the ship, arms out. She knew just what to do, but first, the briefcases. The pier wasn't incredibly deep, but it was deep enough that for a normal person it would have been impossible to get to them. Fortunately for Shantae, she wasn't a normal person.

Swimming down towards the cases when they hit the bottom, she realized quickly she wouldn't be able to lift a pair of heavy metal boxes up to shore easily, especially because she quickly realized the cases weren't watertight, and were now filled with water. But there was another option... She still had the bag of clothes slung over her shoulder in this form.

Shantae clicked open the cases, snatching the Pokeballs out of them, and stuffing them into the bag at her side. Fortunately, these were at least waterproof. "There you go, little guys," Shantae said when all the balls were safely stowed in the bag. She clipped it closed, and then looked up at the ship. Time to start doing things HER way, she thought.

She took off from the bottom of the pier, up towards the old ship. Her mermaid form came with a few offensive powers of its own, and it was time she showed these Team Rocket goons a few of them. Charging up a destructive bubble, she threw it at the hull of the ship. It was old enough that she was sure there were a few structural deficiencies she could attack like this.

"Laaax...."

'Wooooah...'

Seriously, was there anything she couldn't turn into??

The Rockets on deck started to worry about the stability of their boat. Some of them decided to err on the side of prudency and release flying type Pokémon. Zubat and Spearow.

"If you try to fly away..." the Machamp growled "...you will be disciplined. Harshly."

At this point, the boat started rocking in earnest as Shantae used her Bubble Attack to smash up the lower hull. There was the telltale sound of wood splintering and rushing water. Sonny's weight wasn't helping.

The Machamp was incensed, his form changing to something less human, but still not quite Pokémon. More green, some splotchy stripes. Entirely too many muscles.

"Damn you... DAMN YOU!" it screamed.

'Nope. You damned yourself when you decided to stay with Team Rocket and work towards their goals! You don't understand this now? But one day maybe you will. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I hope one day you decide to be good - if you do, come and find me, OK? I'll still help you.'

The ship lurched again, the hull shattering under water, and the Machamp dashed towards Sonny, fists raised for a Cross Chop. Now that he was starting to revert in form, he felt he had a better chance at taking down the normal type.

Sonny grabbed him by the arms, long Snorlax claws taking tight hold, and started to thrash him around the deck. These were not officially sanctioned Pokémon moves. This was not a Pokémon battle.

Sonny just kind of needed this to be over or everyone was going to drown.

The wood splintered above deck too and the remaining Rockets weren't at all interested in sticking around. Those without Flying types dived overboard and swam for the dock. Those with the ability to take flight did so. With water lapping at his feet and an unconscious Rocket Machamp over his shoulder, Sonny waded into the wet and made for shore too.

The boat gurgled and sloshed and sank beneath the waves.

Those that opted for the water were in for a big surprise, as the mermaid Shantae made short work of capturing any that tried to make a break for it. She hauled them up to shore and conked them out, content that at least some of the perpetrators weren't going to evade capture. When Sonny finally reached shore, Shantae the Mermaid was sitting on the beach, tail flapping against the water edge.

"Not bad for a day's work, huh?" she asked.

Sonny dumped the Machamp on top of his subordinates and fell over on the sand, making the biggest crater in its soft warmth that he could.

He changed to Human form and rolled over on his back. His face was still pretty messed up and his shirt was pretty well spattered with dark red splotches.

"I think we did an awesome job. Foiled the rockets, smashed their boat, saved the Pokémon, now we can turn these guys into the police." He yawned loudly. "...I might need you to get me a Hyper Potion from the Pokémart in town? You can use it on me while I'm a Snorlax and my nose might get a little better. The money we've won should cover it pretty easily."

He turned his face to look at her and he grinned hugely, despite any pain it may have caused his poor abused face. "You were amazing. I hope you know that."

"Thanks," Shantae said, transforming back to normal and getting up from the beach. "You were really brave yourself," she told him. "Stay right there, I'll get you a potion in no time!"

She bolted off towards the store. While she was gone she changed out of that Team Rocket uniform and back into her regular clothes. She was quite the sight picking up Hyper Potions looking like that, but she was used to it by now. You'd think people never saw a half genie before!

She was back in no time with some Hyper Potions stuffed into the bag with the rest of the Pokeballs. "There! Help has arrived!"

Sonny would have changed out of his own Rocket garb... but he was only wearing the pants and boots anyway and the shirt had been mostly destroyed. He'd forgotten to grab up his shorts and they were now floating around in the downed boat.

Khaki shorts just hadn't seemed like a priority at the time.

He'd managed to drift off in her absence, making little clouds of sand as his cheek lay in it and he snored softly. (Who knew that messing up his nose would cause his snores to get quiet?) Luckily, none of the Rockets had come to, yet. There were some police nearby cuffing the miscreants despite their unconsciousness. (They had big red Rs on their shirts! Probable cause, right there!)

One was headed towards Sonny, too - he was wearing the right pants...

Shantae managed to arrive just as the police had set about arresting the Rockets. Or rather, as they started trying to arrest Sonny by mistake. Well, that wouldn't stand.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Shantae called out, running for him. "He's not Team Rocket! We were following them, trying to rescue the baby Pokemon they kidnapped!" she explained.

"Oh really." replied one blue uniformed Policeman. "And why, then, would he be wearing Team Rocket trousers, eh? Even if they look a shade too small."

Sonny, waking up to find his hands locked behind his back saw Shantae and the Policemen and sighed.

"....not again! I really, really hate being arrested."

He'd been arrested before.

Why were you arrested before.

"We were sneaking aboard their ship that just sank to ambush them," she explained as if it made perfect sense. "It's a disguise!"

It had to do with underbites, a buffet, and then he became an internet celebrity for like a week.

"A disguise, eh?" the copper replied. "We'll let the judge be the... well. Judge of that!"

"Augh, no! Look, I'm not even Human! I can't even go to jail here!" Sonny said, being hauled to his feet. "Look, watch!"

He turned into a Snorlax, snapping the handcuffs and glowering at the Police in a manner that suggested he very much did not want to deal with any of this right now thank you very much.

"....I have no idea what just happened." the Policeman replied. "Either this is the most amazing Ditto I've ever seen or someone slipped something a little heavier than Max Elixir in my coffee this morning."

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