smash_logs | Squash your enemies! Lettuce experience victory together! Olive the smell of Kung Fu in the morning!

Who: Jon Talbain and Martial Arts students
What: Martial Arts Class.
Where: The Stadium.
When: Monday Afternoon.
Warnings: Violence, a violent movie clip, terrible wasting of food and even worse puns.

Today's class was in the Stadium. This time, though, students are directed to take a seat and the Stadium's awesome Holotech is used to display a clip from a film.

Students might also notice that there's a whole pile of vegetables arranged by type down on the stadium floor.

"The movie you've just watched, while obviously meticulously choreographed, tells us a few things. First of all, that size, gender and appearance should never be your guides when sizing up an opponent. Because believe me - skill will win out any day of the week when applied correctly. Especially against someone who values their honor so little, they would attack someone with their back turned."

Jon placed his hands behind his own back and walked down to the stadium floor, picking up a pumpkin and spinning it on his claw as though it was a basketball.

"The other thing I wish you to learn, is that should you need a weapon? You will never be short of one if you remember this rule: Almost anything can be a weapon. The food fight in the movie was quite amusing, but if someone hurls a zucchini at you with enough force, it's certainly going to leave a mark. If they hurl it at you with force AND precision, where that mark lands is entirely up to them, and I've a feeling few of you want that.

"We've covered using your environment as a tool. Today, we're going to cover learning how to make tools out of the things you have at hand. Ten minutes of drills, then pair off with a sparring partner of a similar ability level. As is usual, if you can not find a partner, I will pair you with someone. If you still can not find a partner, you will spar with me."

He placed the pumpkin back.

"And before you leave, come and see me for your written assessment. This is 30% of your final assessment grade, which makes up 50% of your grade for the year. I am giving you ample time to complete it and it IS an open book test. Having said that, do not plagiarize, because I will find out and you will be very, very sorry when I catch you. The assignment will be handed in during our last class. I expect a thoughtful, articulate and well considered set of answers from all of you."

~~Jon why are you mostly looking at Hagakure when you say this. Why is that.~~

"Begin!"

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"Rikuo never turned into a fish, though, he did smell a lot like one." Jon commented. "And that is a noble goal. I've only the one additional form and frankly, that's plenty for me. But I'd be interested to know what else you can become."

"Well, at the moment, I can become a monkey, an elephant, a spider, a harpy, a tinkerbat, and a mermaid," Shantae explained. "I'm working on a crab now, actually. Coming up with magic dances on the fly isn't exactly as easy as I thought."

"You're a one woman zoo." Jon replied, marveling at her repertoire. He recalled there was another pointy eared woman who had attended for a while who could also become all manner of things. Ellis, her name had been. Apparently Humanization was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to transformations.

"Such a range of sizes, too. Do tell, though - what is a Tinkerbat?"

"Ugh. Tinkerbats are these little black imp things that wear pirate gear," she explained. "They work for Risky Boots, as soldiers and tinkerers. They're creepy and horrible."

"Then I suppose turning into one was more out of necessity than desire?"

"Well, it DID help sneaking through their factory, but still. They creep me out."

"Mind if I see? Just out of interest?"

"Well... All right."

Shantae stepped back, and started to dance a few steps. When she was finished, a blinding light flashed, and when it dissipated, where the genie girl stood there was now a small black creature in red pirate garb. It couldn't speak, just looked up at Jon. See how horrible they were?

"Hrm."

He wandered around Shantae in a circle, checking out the strange new form.

"I'll admit my frame of reference for what might be considered unsettling is a little skewed. But I see what you mean... I think it's the lanky arms and big eyes that do it. Hard to trust a creature with skinny arms and eyes like boiled eggs."

He stood up.

"That will do. I appreciate your willingness to show off your talent, despite it being obviously unpleasant."

Another flash of light later, and the Tinkerbat was a girl again. "The transforming is the easy part. It's just those little things are kinda creepy. They get even creepier when they turn into Cacklebats. I can't do it, just imagine one of those things with big sharp teeth and bat wings."

"Sounds simply lovely." Jon commented with something approaching a smile.

"You ought to try a Wolf form some day. You may find it quite useful."

~~"Mr. Talbain, are you trying to seduce me?"~~

"Hey, if I can figure out a transformation dance for it, I'd be open to trying!" Shantae replied. "It's kinda complicated to figure these things out on my own, and I haven't exactly had a lot of luck yet... Doesn't mean I'm gonna give up trying!"

~~"That all depends - is it working?"~~

"If you ever figure it out, do let me know. I'd be interested to see."

He looked over towards the rest of the class. "In the mean time, let's begin training, shall we? Enjoy your drills."

~~"You tell me~"~~

"Yes sir!"

Squash your enemies! Lettuce experience victory together! Olive the smell of Kung Fu in the morning!

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