Squash your enemies! Lettuce experience victory together! Olive the smell of Kung Fu in the morning!

[whirlwind_wolfman]

Who: Jon Talbain and Martial Arts students
What: Martial Arts Class.
Where: The Stadium.
When: Monday Afternoon.
Warnings: Violence, a violent movie clip, terrible wasting of food and even worse puns.


Today's class was in the Stadium. This time, though, students are directed to take a seat and the Stadium's awesome Holotech is used to display a clip from a film.

Students might also notice that there's a whole pile of vegetables arranged by type down on the stadium floor.

"The movie you've just watched, while obviously meticulously choreographed, tells us a few things. First of all, that size, gender and appearance should never be your guides when sizing up an opponent. Because believe me - skill will win out any day of the week when applied correctly. Especially against someone who values their honor so little, they would attack someone with their back turned."

Jon placed his hands behind his own back and walked down to the stadium floor, picking up a pumpkin and spinning it on his claw as though it was a basketball.

"The other thing I wish you to learn, is that should you need a weapon? You will never be short of one if you remember this rule: Almost anything can be a weapon. The food fight in the movie was quite amusing, but if someone hurls a zucchini at you with enough force, it's certainly going to leave a mark. If they hurl it at you with force AND precision, where that mark lands is entirely up to them, and I've a feeling few of you want that.

"We've covered using your environment as a tool. Today, we're going to cover learning how to make tools out of the things you have at hand. Ten minutes of drills, then pair off with a sparring partner of a similar ability level. As is usual, if you can not find a partner, I will pair you with someone. If you still can not find a partner, you will spar with me."

He placed the pumpkin back.

"And before you leave, come and see me for your written assessment. This is 30% of your final assessment grade, which makes up 50% of your grade for the year. I am giving you ample time to complete it and it IS an open book test. Having said that, do not plagiarize, because I will find out and you will be very, very sorry when I catch you. The assignment will be handed in during our last class. I expect a thoughtful, articulate and well considered set of answers from all of you."

Jon why are you mostly looking at Hagakure when you say this. Why is that.

"Begin!"

Comments

ATTENDANCE!

[whirlwind_wolfman]

[flowerofmtsilver]

Yes, this flower's totally been going to your classes the whole time. And he was practically half vegetable already.

[whirlwind_wolfman]

Watch out that no-one pick you up and uses you as a bludgeon, Vinnie. It could happen.

Re: ATTENDANCE!

[punchtheflute]

Sonny was here! He'd been studying with Shantae and practicing his non-violent Martial Arts that Hagakure had picked out and he was so ready to just eat all those veggies.

Re: ATTENDANCE!

[whirlwind_wolfman]

Panda-boy. Noted. Hopefully his Hakkō-ryū was coming along well.

Re: ATTENDANCE!

[monotreme_101]

Knuckles is here in all his weighted shoes wearing and spiky handed glory.

Re: ATTENDANCE!

[magicdancer]

RET-2-GO!

Re: ATTENDANCE!

[vela_nova]

Hopefully this wouldn't be too awkward.

[kumagypsy]

Kumatora's gonna PUNCH SOME THINGS with SOME OTHER THINGS

Re: ATTENDANCE!

[travelingsandstorm]

Oh, how cool. A werewolf teacher teaching martial arts with veggies. This ought to be interesting.

"Yo." She greeted and gave a small wave to ensure that her presence was made known.

[almost_a_mermaid]

Needless to say, Chiyo was in awe at the video and, even in spite of knowing it was choreographed, admired the two girls in the fight sequence. They were exactly who she wanted to be: strong and beautiful. Their movements were so smooth and they appeared to be one step ahead of their opponents. It truly inspired her and had her pumped up for today's activities.

"Dad ...Do you think I could come to fight like that?" Chiyo asked when Jon came around to where she was. Her eyes looked up at him full of admiration and a desire to learn.

QUESTIONS! DRILLS!

[whirlwind_wolfman]

Why yes, cafeteria dinners will be vegetable soup for the next three weeks. Why do you ask?

Re: QUESTIONS! DRILLS!

[kumagypsy]

"But can we set the environment on fire, then use it as a tool?" Kumatora asked the important questions, of course.

PARTNER UP!

[whirlwind_wolfman]

Want to find a friend? Talk to Jon to have him assign you someone? Offer to battle him yourself, you brave Eggplant Warrior, you?

Re: PARTNER UP!

[thishereismonapizza]

Her eyes roved through the faces of her classmates for a suitable candidate to be her sparring partner. No time like the present to be slow at decisions either, as people were already starting to break off into pairs.

Mona froze in her place as her eyes caught sight of a classmate she particularly didn't want to be partnered with. Knuckles. She'd been trying to avoid him ever since their little encounter on Valentine's Day, but having similar classes with one another made it almost nigh impossible. He was the last person in the class she'd want to be paired up with!

Mona turned her back on the echidna and feinted interest in the possible partners that were left. She'd take anyone, even the instructor to be her sparring partner for the class session so long as she didn't get stuck with Grabby Hands.

Please don't get stuck with him, please don't get stuck with him... her mind chanted over and over.

[flowerofmtsilver]

Vinnie was pretty open to being paired with anyone - if it was a challenge, even better. As far as the vegetable weapon-crafting component of this class went, probably a lot of people's first choice might've been the heavy, blunt impact gourds. But the Venusaur was going straight for a sharpened carrot and an extremely squishy, over-ripe tomato.

Grass Types had to be versatile, and making the most of his surroundings was something he had a fair bit of experience in.

Re: PARTNER UP!

[punchtheflute]

Sonny was ready to partner up! He'd been learning some pretty distinct stuff in class that would be difficult to work vegetables in to, but that didn't mean he didn't have a few in hand already.

They just weren't likely to make it into his battle....

Re: PARTNER UP!

[almost_a_mermaid]

A little troubled, Chiyo stood by the vegetable stand trying to figure out which would be best for her to use as a weapon. In truth, it felt a little awkward to think about throwing vegetables at another individual and bludgeoning them with a squash or carrot. In fact, it almost felt like kind of a waste of food, but she wasn't going to mention any of that.

After deciding that a large carrot particularly used for stews would serve as a sturdy club for its hardness ('cause those things certainly were tiring for her to cut through when she cooked with them) and an onion the size of a softball, set off to look for someone to partner with.

Re: PARTNER UP!

[vela_nova]

This was going to be... interesting.

Blaze grabbed herself some leeks, brandishing them like batons, and looked for a challenger.

Re: PARTNER UP!

[magicdancer]

Shantae prepared for battle by grabbing some zucchini to wield like a sword.

SPARRING!

[whirlwind_wolfman]

The first rule of vegetable fight club, is you must eat at least five servings a day. The second rule of vegetable fight club is there are no other rules.

Re: SPARRING!

[monotreme_101]

Knuckles was quick about launching his attack. Daikon radishes held at the sprouting end, he threw himself into the move and aimed for her with a precision and grace that some may not have expected from a four foot tall red guy with a huge set of hands.

And there was no stammering or stuttering or back tracking or tripping over his tongue because today? Ah. Today, he didn't have to talk. Today was about fighting, and he had never felt any indecision about fighting.

[kumagypsy]

Kumatora quickly grabbed two stalks of broccoli and ignited them with PK Fire. Toasty.

LURKERS!

[whirlwind_wolfman]

ASSIGNMENT!

[whirlwind_wolfman]

After class, a sheet was handed to one and all:

Q) Why is what we do considered an 'Art' instead of just 'Kicking the biscuits out of one another'? Take into account the history of any given Martial Art (More than one would be appreciated.) and the respect we must show our opponents, our training space and ourselves.

Consider the following when answering:
-How can the Martial Arts improve who we are as people?
-What was your ultimate goal in taking this class, and have you achieved it?
-We read about a number of renowned Masters. Have any of their philosophies inspired you? How so and why?

A note: Good luck. You have several weeks. I believe in each of you and your ability to not only fight, but understand why we fight. If you require guidance, I keep regular office hours. Consult the required reading for this course - it will be invaluable to you.

-Jonathan Talbain