smash_logs | merry merry christmas, and I want you to know

Entry tags:

merry merry christmas, and I want you to know

Who: YOU
What: KISSLETOES
When: December 14th - January 1st
Where: Everywhere
Warnings: Sloppy makeouts.

SUDDENLY, AND WITHOUT WARNING...

title or description

The entire school has become covered in mistletoe overnight. It grows out of the walls! The ceilings! Everywhere you least expect it? HOW CAN THIS BE??

It's probably best not to think about it. Attempts to uproot the plants or burn them away only makes the plants grow back faster. For the time being, it seems the school must live with it.

[OOC INSTRUCTIONS:
+ Post dudes, get kisses!
+ Some (NOT ALL) plants are cursed. If you manage to step under a cursed plant, you will exchange a memory when or if you exchange a kiss. The memories will be first-person and very vivid, and characters will feel like they are experiencing the memory in real time, though in reality the transfer is instantaneous. Memories can be as short, long, happy, sad, or traumatic as you like.
+ If you'd like to participate, we highly suggest making a list of a few memories (with accompanying links/descriptions) that are up for grabs, and linking or posting the list in your top-level comment. Memory exchange is COMPLETELY OPTIONAL. When in doubt, OOC communication!
+ PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TAG YOUR CHARACTERS
+ That's it, we love you.]

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Vinnie lowered his hands and stared back, but didn't move.

Bulba shouldn't have been trying to embrace him, comfort him. If he knew the things Vinnie had said, he wouldn't be. What kind of person said things like that to their boyfriend's brother, and still considered himself a decent boyfriend? He wasn't. He'd just hurt people, and made everything harder for everyone involved.

All that trying to change himself, and it was for fucking nothing. He was still just as much of a fuck up.

In the end, Vinnie turned away from the worried promise of Bulba's arms to stare back down at the floor. "Please, don't...?"

the request trailed off, unfinished, uncertain of what he wanted. With a frustrated sigh, the Venusaur ran his fingers through his hair, pulling out his hairband in the process.

So what was he supposed to do then?

"Vinnie..."

Bulba lowered his arms, uncertain. He didn't want to force the issue, but it hurt to see Vinnie beating himself up like that. Scooching off the bed, Bulba moved in front of his boyfriend. He reached out, tenderly gliding his hands across Vinnie's cheeks to lift his face towards him.

"Look... I don't know if you want me to be angry at you because you did... whatever you did. Maybe I would be. But... I don't think you'd feel so bad if it wasn't a mistake. People make mistakes, that doesn't mean you're awful forever."

Vinnie's gaze was pried away from the floor, until he had nowhere else to look except into Bulba's concerned, gold eyes. The urge to break out of his gentle hands was still there, but at last, he didn't have the strength for it anymore. He wasn't even sure he had the strength to move.

"He was still angry even though... everything's already changed," Vinnie muttered weakly. "I knew I was wrong, back then. I wanted t'be better. He said..."

The Venusaur stopped himself, mid-thought. The barbs of Char's words still stuck in him, refusing to be pulled out. The Fire Type had every right to be angry, and he hadn't even been that wrong. His accusations of the Saurs' relationship especially struck a deep vulnerability - Vinnie had just put himself in a place where he wasn't wanted or needed, and forced Bulba into the painful position of having to choose. It was the bed he made for himself, so he didn't have a right to complain that he had nowhere to fully belong. Those consequences were completely his to own. He knew what would happen, going in.

Scowling at himself, Vinnie squeezed his eyelids shut and lapsed back into his own regrets. His faults to be despised. "I called him a victim. That everyone had to put up with. That held onto grudges so he could blame other people, and... who'd respect that? I..."

That already trembling voice began to crack as those red eyes opened again, pleading and fearful and bewildered at his own cruelty. "Why did I say that? I know he's more than that. And I..."

Understand him. Respect him. Desperately want him to respect me. Hurt him.

Edited 2014-12-27 23:39 (UTC)

The tear was there. Part of him wanted to comfort, the other had the mind to reprimand. The shiny saur had flinched when Vinnie divulged some of what had been said, knowing full well those were the wrong things to day. Char put up a strong front, but words... words meant a lot to him. He could take hits upon hits, but Bulba had seen just how quickly saying the wrong thing could put the Charizard on edge and shut him up. The younger saur had done it himself, even.

But it went without saying that he knew just how sharp Char's tongue could be too. Whatever Char had said was conveniently left out, which Bulba had definitely taken note of. This wasn't a full story.

In the end, looking down into those red eyes that were watching him so intensely, Bulba knew there was nothing he could say to scold him that the Venusaur hadn't already done to himself. For a moment, he caught a glimpse of himself in Vinnie's eyes and he knew he saw himself in him. Knew the kind of blame the grass type was pulling on to his shoulders and the punishments he was lining up for himself, because Bulba had carried them all before.

Bulba's thumbs brushed the ridges of Vinnie's cheekbones, providing a soft whisper of comfort that he probably felt was unwarranted and undeserved. It hurt to see him like this. It hurt knowing that somewhere Char was off in pain too.

... It hurt realizing that he had been expecting it. At some point, they were going to hurt each other. For all that he hoped that they wouldn't, he knew better than to kid himself. The flicker of disappointment in his eyes was more for himself, knowing he hadn't done enough to try and stop it before it happened. Maybe because it was inevitable. Was it unfair for him to think that? Probably.

He moved his hands, slipping his arms around him to draw Vinnie against him in a careful embrace.

"You got caught in the heat of the moment," Bulba murmured, taking an educational guess. "You said things you knew would hurt... because he did the same to you."

Despite being hugged, Vinnie leaned against him lifelessly, neither seeking comfort in Bulba's arms, nor pulling away. He had seen the disappointment in the other Venusaur's eyes - even without any anger to accompany them, it'd still stung. He should've been more upset. The fact that he wasn't only meant that he wasn't that surprised by the depths of how much Vinnie screwed up. It all made him ache deep down in his heart more than anything he ever wanted to experience again.

Bulba received no confirmation to his theory, but it was more or less self-evident. Any explanation Vinnie could've given would've simply been an excuse. He should've done better. He should've bore the pain of those accusations, like he was supposed to.

So... now what? How could he possibly salvage this? Vinnie had no idea. But the responsibility was wholly on his shoulders, he knew that much.

"I have to fix things," he muttered anxiously, trying his best to muster the resolve despite all his uncertainty. "I... don't know how. But I will."

Well. As long as Vinnie stayed there, Bulba was going to hold him close. Feeling like there needed to be some kind of movement, his fingers found their way into Vinnie's wild mane and slowly combed through it as they stayed like that.

"It won't be easy," Bulba sighed after a few moments. There was really no pretending it would be anything but a difficult uphill battle. "But it... I think you'll be able to."

Bulba crouched down a bit so he could be level with him, brushing some of the hair from Vinnie's eyes. "You want to make things right. Beating yourself up won't help."

Vinnie nodded numbly, hearing the words without fully absorbing them.

"Um... I don't think it'd make anything better if you tried t'talk him into..." forgiving him? Somehow, the Venusaur couldn't force the words out his mouth. Instead, he swallowed hard and continued, "I broke it, so... I don't think anything else would really work."

It was the Charizard's loyalty to Bulba's feelings that got the two of them into the state of affairs where Char practically ignored him for a year until everything was so pent up that it lead to this outburst, after all. So Bulba trying to make him see one way or another was probably just going to make things worse, rather than better.

By itself, apologies were just words, and presents were just trite bribes. But trying to think of anything that could get through to the Fire Type just kept drawing blanks. Nothing felt clear - what was he missing?

Ah. He'd practically read his thoughts. It was probably the obvious action to take. Of course Bulba would have wanted to talk to Char about it. He was worried. He needed to know how his brother felt and... No one was going ti say it, but Bulba knew he was at least partially responsible for this happening between the two if them to the degree that it had.

He frowned a bit. "I can't talk him into anything," Bulba told him somewhat bluntly. "I... Want to talk to him, but... It's not my place to do more than that. I know."

Bulba settled his hands on Vinnie's shoulders, brushing his forehead against the other's to leave some of his scent there. It was hopeful and sweet, and Bulba could only hope it'd bring Vinnie a sliver more peace than he had before.

"i'm sorry. This used to be easier."

Before us. His fingers curled in Vinnie's shirt as he realized the thought had been on his tongue. In two words he would have been apologizing for their relationship. Maybe he should have.

Unfortunately, Vinnie was perfectly capable of filling in the end of that sentence for himself. You knew things would get complicated, he told himself. You knew it'd get worse, with no guarantee of getting better. He'd already relinquished his right to complain about the consequences of being selfish - now he just had to live with it, somehow.

At least make it worth it. He should've. Sadly, that sentiment was easier said than done. Why Bulba would even want anything to do with him right now was already baffling. Wanting affection, reassurance, forgiveness and taking up Bulba's time was just more selfishness on his part. That was what got him in this situation in the first place, so continuing to do so just felt like digging himself a deeper and deeper grave.

He closed his eyes, let himself rub foreheads with the other Venusaur, but that was as far as he let himself go. "I'm just makin' things harder on you, aren't I..."

There was a light, breathy laugh from the younger saur, but it didn't sound the slightest bit jolly. No, that's my line. The words stuck in his throat. They weren't ones that'd make him feel better. They might have just added to his sorrows and Bulba couldn't bear the thought of doing so. Of course, it was possible that there just wasn't a right thing to say, and that made his heart ache all the more.

"Don't worry about me," he murmured, nuzzling a bit more. "This isn't anything I can't handle. I'm more worried about you."

"You shouldn't have to," muttered Vinnie insistently, turning away from the nuzzle. As much as Bulba could tell him not to blame himself, it was hard for him to see the situation as anything other than entirely his fault. It was on his shoulders, and he ought to be the one to carry it, not the other Saur.

Probably what Bulba actually wanted to do was talk to Char and make sure he was okay. In all fairness, what brother wouldn't? Instead he was here, and smelling sweeter than Vinnie really felt like he deserved.

"You should probably... go find your brother," he mumbled finally.

It was the same old tug. Bulba didn't often feel like choosing between one or the other was all that hard, but it was also rare that he was actually given the choice. More often than not, it was already decided for him. Bulba could practically feel the wall building between them as Vinnie turned away, barricading him from even considering that option.

Though that didn't mean he wasn't going to try. "I will, but... Vinnie, I don't want to leave you like this."

Vinnie hung his head, pushing his eyes out of view with a mess of hair shielding them from Bulba's gaze. Emptiness in his voice, he remarked dully, "You've gotta leave eventually."

Because it was true. He couldn't stay in Vinnie's room forever. It wasn't accomplishing anything, at this rate. And...

Stolen time. That's all this really was. And one day soon, it was going to run out and they'd have to face reality again. It couldn't last. Not like this, not as things were right now.

He belonged to Bulba. But Bulba belonged to someone else.

Shaking his head, the Venusaur muttered, "Just go."

Don't. Please don't make me leave.

It hadn't meant to hurt. Bulba knew that, logically. Knowing did not stop it from being painful to hear. It didn't stop the chill that filled his chest as he drew in a deep breath.

Don't push me away.

The fear kept him quiet. It wasn't true until he said it. This wasn't what Vinnie meant, he knew that. He knew...

... he was just making things worse. Bulba was just getting in the way again, with empty efforts. Carefully, he drew his hands back. "... Alright." The word felt heavy. He hated this. A kiss was brushed against Vinnie's hair, and then the other Venusaur was backing off even while his scent lingered in the air. As much as he wanted to be, he wasn't needed. This was his fault anyway.

"You can call me if you need me," Bulba offered lamely by the doorway, unsure what else to do. "Things will... they'll work out, Vinnie."

For a moment, he hovered there at the door. Part of him wished the older saur would ask him to stay. Please. The rest of him, however, ushered him away before it could have been an option.

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merry merry christmas, and I want you to know

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