smash_logs | Academy Dreams

[He heard that. That small voice. His eyes widened, then softened. Because you didn't move it away, he took the hand to his lips to kiss it gently. As if to just calm her own nerves. Would it work? He only just wanted to share that feeling of togetherness. Don't you see then. He...loved you too. He didn't have to say it outloud.]

I cannot think that way.

I refuse to sit idly and think to myself that you could just leave for the rest of our days alive. Perhaps that is why I was so intent on finding you. The pieces were all here. Everything of you remained, just not you within it. Perhaps I knew your time here was not over.

Edited 2013-11-14 06:09 (UTC)

[That one gesture, just the very way he looked when he did it, stirred her so much that she felt both a ridiculous amount of joy and an intense pain that hurt so much more than any abrasion she suffered while she was away. Because she knew that look. Because she knew what he was really saying with his actions.

Unities were supposed to be for joyous occasions. She never forgot him saying that to her. She couldn't. In fact, she couldn't forget most things he said to her.]

I...

[Lifting her free hand, she fanned her fingertips over her lips, turning such a stark shade of pink that she knew it was fruitless to even try hiding it. What was she supposed to say? What... was she supposed to do? For her, it was very overwhelming. More so because when it struck, it struck all at once, not in simple footsteps or gradual processes.]

If I wake tomorrow in Magvel and find that all of this really is some very well plotted dream, I am going to be immensely put out.

[Connor was going to take his free hand as well, the other one was still holding one of hers. With his free hand, he caressed her head again. He massaged the side of it, hoping to share warmth with it.

He looked at her with upmost certainty.]

That will not happen. I know it.

[Confident, but hell. He wanted to be.]

[How did he know something like that? How could he speak with so little doubt? More of that strength of will that he displayed?

Yet something about his company, about the way he held her, the way he looked at her, made her feel a comfort that was different than that of her brother's.]

I want to believe you.

[Her free hand lifted to rest over his, the one he set to her face and she squeezed it gently.]

...Did... you really miss me so?

[He is honest. Honest always. His eyes looked solemn...He didn't want to relive that kind of feeling of missing someone he knew had to be around somewhere. Somewhere he couldn't quite get to her conventionally. Faith aside. After everything, being without her felt so strange. Not saying he wouldn't be able to live with it. He was a tough, strong man. Independent man.

So no. That wasn't it.

Being without her seemed like it would be...empty. Life would be a little more empty.]

Yes...Yes, I have.

[Her grasp tightened, as if to imply she had no desire to let him go. Not in those moments. Not in that night. Not in that lifetime, if she could help it. Turning her head, she hesitated, and after a moment, she set her lips to the very palm of his hand.]

I missed you. I missed you so much. I felt like a part of me was just... gone. And the worst part was that I couldn't just stop and wonder. I didn't have the time to want and yearn. I didn't have the time to be selfish, but I never forgot you. Not for a moment. Everything I did, all I really wanted was to see you. If only so I could tell you. I could live with not seeing you again, as long as you knew how I felt.

[For she'd spent so long pretending she hadn't felt in such a way that she couldn't let him go without regrets. But since she'd gotten it out... perhaps it implied that she'd more easily surrender the idea of him, and them.]

[If it did happen, all he could hope for. At the very least. Was a chance to closure. That hadn't happened, it won't yet. He will make sure he won't let it.

In all those months, she didn't forget. WIp away the pain. He felt his hands grow soft to her gentle kiss.]

Trust me when I say, I will fight to make sure I do not let you go without such closure.

[She wondered how he would manage such a thing. And when he said things like that, they were so full of passion that it reminded her of how fortunate she was. Had been. To meet him when she had. To have whatever it was they once had. But while for him it was so recent, she was... admittedly hesitant to so easily give into his kind charms.]

I do trust you. I know that everything you say is what you will do. You have always been a man of your word.

[Eirika sighed and she moved his hand so she might hold it close to her heart.]

I may need your strength more than ever. I... cannot talk with you about it yet, but soon, I think. I have so much to say if you would listen, but only in a time when it should be said. Not tonight, and not tomorrow. I should be going in, and finding housing for Aubrenard.

[Ah yes. The horse. Who didn't appreciate chummy Native boy and his rider. As indicated by the way he thought it appropriate to headbutt at Connor's elbow gently.]

[Without any question.]

We can speak of it when you are ready.

[It's six months of events, after all. When she was ready. When he was ready. They both had stories which were hard to tell.

He always told himself in due time.

Ah yes, the horse. The horse that came from somewhere.]

"Aubrenard"...of course.

[That name sounded like something elegant and royal. After he was nudged, he went to make way a raise his hand to pet the head and the mane. He loved animals.]

He is a fine steed. We should be able to find suitable shelter for him.

[Evidently all Aubrenard wanted was some likewise attention, for he didn't bother to interrupt them further, except with some sort of snort that must have been a brief approval. Which would probably last as long as Connor was giving him some loves.

Eirika shook her head slowly as she watched the two.]

There are stables here. I found them when I was with Koujaku. He'd wanted to take me inside for a bit and Aubrenard stayed while he and I spoke. When you found me, I believe I was contemplating something between the waking world and the Everlasting.

[After a moment's consideration.]

He seems to like you. I am not at all surprised. So I suppose proper introductions are in order. [As proper as horse introductions can be.] This is my horse. When Renais was restored- [Yes, restored.] -Seth granted my brother and me our steeds, in addition to some other things necessary for Renais's guard.

[And she decided to keep hold of Connor's hand as she led them back to where the stables were, content to let Aubrenard follow as he would.]

[He never did let go of that hand. Also he didn't assume he would be the first she saw. He knew she had friends...but he didn't know this Koujaku fellow. Seemed like he took care of her, which was good. But Connor needed to find her. He needed to help. He really, truly cared after all. He walked with Eirika in her stride, slow and easy. Aubrenard, if he followed...would be met with some grain that Connor had in a satchel on his person. Bait for traps probably. But now it was horse food. He did pay attention.]

For the months that had passed, you seemed to have accomplished much.

[Seen much. Though Connor seemed pleased what he heard.]

Restoration takes time, hard work, and patience.

[Eirika tried not to think too much or too hard about him holding her hand. Not because she needed to hold his. She didn't. For she was the one who found that she could survive plenty without him. Missing him was not the same as being in need of having him. At least, that was what she wanted to say. The relationship was a convenient one, not a compulsive one.

When she heard him, she didn't reply immediately. Had she accomplished a lot? She... guessed. Accomplished retaking Renais's throne with Ephraim at her side. Accomplished at locating the sacred relics of their line. Accomplished at unlocking the entryway to obtaining the Sacred Stone.

And accomplished equally having that stone broken. They were down to one.]

More waits for me. Even with Renais back under the hands of my brother, who was hailed in glory with his coming days as king, it means nothing with what looms over Magvel. Nothing if he and I cannot restore the continent, or...

[Eirika trailed off, clearly lost in her own thoughts. Eyebrows knit together, Eirika was obsessed with the very concept. She had to discover a way to save Lyon. And she doubted she'd sleep until she did, for how could one rest with that hanging over her?]

[Connor could live without her as well. But that didn't stop him from worrying. Or missing her. Hell if she left without saying a damn word. She was back, so it was like he felt that relief. A joy.

...Also was she given credit? It went straight to her brother. Was that modesty? Or what it something else?

She trailed away, which gave Connor a moment to interject.]

You speak of your brother, but I know you were strong for him and everyone else. I could see that happening, you are you.

[Eirika...as queen. That sunk a little bit more now than it ever did. He wasn't going away without saying such things. She may speak of her brother as king, but he was going to speak to Eirika as queen.]

I was what I needed to be.

[She looked over to him, the same refined nature she always held about herself. But she was not hailed as queen and Eirika didn't feel any dislike for it. And perhaps that was because she expected it. Twins or not, her brother was a boy and the throne was his.

And she was perfectly content supporting him in every way he needed her.]

And I will continue to be what I need to be, for Ephraim, for our people, for the whole of the continent. [Eirika paused with some consideration and she laced her fingers between Connor's indicatively.] And for you, as well.

[Connor...liked it when she acted this way. It was one of the things that sort of drew him to her. Her convictions and what she wants to do for everyone else. Even if she didn't receive credit. Or recognition. It was just the right thing to do for the people she cherished. Her people.

It was probably where they were the most similar. But he couldn't help but be pleased.

He got from this that Epihraim got more credit than she, and she seemed okay. Well. She can get some credit right now. His grip became a little tighter as she laced her fingers.]

But you already are.

[He hoped you were really looking at her.]

You can be what is needed without so much of trying. Princess Eirika. Queen Eirika. Eirika of Renais. Eirika.

You are a woman that can be much. Could accomplish much if your heart so desired.

[He was feeling somewhat awkward, mainly because he had no idea how to say certain things so plainly.]

I do not know what had transpired, yet I know there is some pain. Pain that comes from war.

I have grown to know you enough so I know when you are trying to be strong. No, you are strong. But that is...one of the reasons why I have grown to admire you.

Edited 2013-11-20 06:06 (UTC)

[It was rather plain of him. But to be fair, before she had departed, as that singular meeting for her name day had presented, he had been very plain with her that day. Very to the point. Very direct. Very straight forward. All in ways that while Eirika had found herself quite dedicated to her post in life, had not been able to continuously reject the idea of her and Connor truly becoming a thing she'd thought otherwise impossible. He had come to accept it earlier than she, apparently, and when she heard him speak up again, the lingerings from that day that seemed so long before to her returned.

She eyed him, quiet, and thoughtful, but attentive to his words. She took them, absorbed them, held them, and was reminded of why she enjoyed listening to him so, even if he was to speak of nothing. If only that she could hear him, for it meant he was in her midst and she did not feel so hollow or that her world had been painted in shades of black and white.

All of those women are the same, Connor, she had wanted to say and yet somehow she found it in her to refrain. Because he wasn't wrong, even if he wanted to list one out separately. If anything, they were different sides to her and each affected her in different ways, but beneath all of the titles, the beauteous gowns, tight-lipped diplomatic smiles, and obligatory stances, she was simply Eirika. And of anyone else in the academy, no one knew it more than he did.

And he also knew the woman at her bare core better than any other could have the privilege of claiming.]

Looking to render me speechless already when I have only just returned. I imagine you will have plenty of opportunities to do so. Do not use them all at once.

[Eying his hand, she did find herself pausing.]

I do, however, believe you owe me something and I am quite overdue for one.

[Care to guess what that is?]

[He had gotten better at that, at least. Speak from his words of the heart. True feelings of the heart. As they came, he thought. But he expressed with thought.

Though then, he looked at her curiously.]

What is it?

[Overdue for...clueless bastard.]

[He didn't even know? He'd missed her so much and he didn't know. Okay, maybe she missed him more. And when she thought about it like that, she had two thoughts. One, to take what she wanted and leave him likely perplexed, or to let it go.

And she couldn't decide which she wanted to do.]

You really don't know?

[And...like that. It did hit him.

Okay so then. It was. It was his turn wasn't it. The fortnight she had been gone...he had to take this plunge.]

Wait.

[Okay...he was ready. He just had to look at her, no...he couldn't disappoint her. He can't. He won't.

He leaned over, took his hand away to simply...wrap his arms gently around her. Carefully, sensitively.

Closing his eyes, feeling it all now. It just started flooding in. He did miss this, for those two weeks...this was what he wanted.

Eirika would feel his nose, him breathing gently before placing his lips onto hers.

Was this it?]

[It was stupidly perfect. The moment he understood her was actually the perfect moment. Every moment after that was just a bonus or some kind of surplus that made her think all the more that it was just a really fantastic dream. Except it very clearly wasn't.

And he made that quite clear.

Where she ordinarily would have tensed, all she could think was how much she did miss things. Him, as an entirety. Being near him. Touching him, in any form. Every moment spent apart. Only a fortnight for him. She wondered if he could even begin to imagine how it made her feel considering she was dealing with twelve fortnights of separation.

Chin tipped up and for her, the kiss was tentative, at least until she knew that it was permissible.

Funny, how she still sought his permission for things that should have been straight forward.]

[For a while, he made sure he kept that kiss locked. And it was amazing. He really had grown to love how it felt when he kissed. He kissed her.

It was for her. Only for her.

He could not kiss another like this. Not when Eirika had passed through so many of his barriers.

Soon though, he had to let go. He did so slowly, but his face was still near hers. And well, he smiled.]

Was that...what you were looking for?

[If he succeeded at anything, it was at leaving her breathless, which he did very well. She was still trying to catch up to it all when he addressed her and even with moments that she required to put herself back to normal, she gave him a rather bashful nod, slightly uncertain, as if she wasn't supposed to admit it.

And then she decided she preferred honesty, and in the event they were separated again so soon, she could no longer bring herself to hold in so many words.]

I would like it very much if we would do that more often.

Perhaps then next time, I will know right away.

[See, we all can be honest.]

[Did he have to be so direct about it?

But to be fair, it wasn't as if Eirika hadn't given it great thought. They were courting one another. That was only expected, no? They loved one another, aye? Was there anything to feel shame about?]

It... Ah...

[Then she nodded and as if she wasn't quite sure what to do with herself, hands extended and she gave him something of a curtsey. The first and only one she'd given, because for her, it was a sign of respect. And she wanted to treat him as if he was on her level, for her was. Why lower herself, when she could - and would - raise him instead?]

Yes. Perhaps that you might. And perhaps I will know as well.

[Honestly, the more direct he was, the better and more true he felt. He could feel. As if saying such things so outright would give them more meaning. He hoped they did. As they were more true than he could even say.

But when she regarded him with a curtsey, he couldn't help but freeze again. Why? Was that respect? Seemed very formal.

As a princess, perhaps it was just her formality in her own personality. It did fluster him, but he actually tried to not show it.]

We will, the both of us.

[He then felt a drop of water on his shoulder, than another. And another.]

We should hurry and get Aubrenard shelter, and for us as well. Else the chance of staying dry will seem slimmer.

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