smash_logs | Academy Dreams

[He didn't even know? He'd missed her so much and he didn't know. Okay, maybe she missed him more. And when she thought about it like that, she had two thoughts. One, to take what she wanted and leave him likely perplexed, or to let it go.

And she couldn't decide which she wanted to do.]

You really don't know?

[And...like that. It did hit him.

Okay so then. It was. It was his turn wasn't it. The fortnight she had been gone...he had to take this plunge.]

Wait.

[Okay...he was ready. He just had to look at her, no...he couldn't disappoint her. He can't. He won't.

He leaned over, took his hand away to simply...wrap his arms gently around her. Carefully, sensitively.

Closing his eyes, feeling it all now. It just started flooding in. He did miss this, for those two weeks...this was what he wanted.

Eirika would feel his nose, him breathing gently before placing his lips onto hers.

Was this it?]

[It was stupidly perfect. The moment he understood her was actually the perfect moment. Every moment after that was just a bonus or some kind of surplus that made her think all the more that it was just a really fantastic dream. Except it very clearly wasn't.

And he made that quite clear.

Where she ordinarily would have tensed, all she could think was how much she did miss things. Him, as an entirety. Being near him. Touching him, in any form. Every moment spent apart. Only a fortnight for him. She wondered if he could even begin to imagine how it made her feel considering she was dealing with twelve fortnights of separation.

Chin tipped up and for her, the kiss was tentative, at least until she knew that it was permissible.

Funny, how she still sought his permission for things that should have been straight forward.]

[For a while, he made sure he kept that kiss locked. And it was amazing. He really had grown to love how it felt when he kissed. He kissed her.

It was for her. Only for her.

He could not kiss another like this. Not when Eirika had passed through so many of his barriers.

Soon though, he had to let go. He did so slowly, but his face was still near hers. And well, he smiled.]

Was that...what you were looking for?

[If he succeeded at anything, it was at leaving her breathless, which he did very well. She was still trying to catch up to it all when he addressed her and even with moments that she required to put herself back to normal, she gave him a rather bashful nod, slightly uncertain, as if she wasn't supposed to admit it.

And then she decided she preferred honesty, and in the event they were separated again so soon, she could no longer bring herself to hold in so many words.]

I would like it very much if we would do that more often.

Perhaps then next time, I will know right away.

[See, we all can be honest.]

[Did he have to be so direct about it?

But to be fair, it wasn't as if Eirika hadn't given it great thought. They were courting one another. That was only expected, no? They loved one another, aye? Was there anything to feel shame about?]

It... Ah...

[Then she nodded and as if she wasn't quite sure what to do with herself, hands extended and she gave him something of a curtsey. The first and only one she'd given, because for her, it was a sign of respect. And she wanted to treat him as if he was on her level, for her was. Why lower herself, when she could - and would - raise him instead?]

Yes. Perhaps that you might. And perhaps I will know as well.

[Honestly, the more direct he was, the better and more true he felt. He could feel. As if saying such things so outright would give them more meaning. He hoped they did. As they were more true than he could even say.

But when she regarded him with a curtsey, he couldn't help but freeze again. Why? Was that respect? Seemed very formal.

As a princess, perhaps it was just her formality in her own personality. It did fluster him, but he actually tried to not show it.]

We will, the both of us.

[He then felt a drop of water on his shoulder, than another. And another.]

We should hurry and get Aubrenard shelter, and for us as well. Else the chance of staying dry will seem slimmer.

[Her chin lifted to eye the sky and briefly she wondered if rain upon a reunion had a greater meaning. When was the last time she had seen rain...? That was something she didn't feel she could answer. At least not easily.

Looking back to Connor, she nodded. With care, she found Aubrenard's reins and with a gentle tug, coerced him after.]

Naturally. Stables then, and after, I suppose that is where we will part.

[She gave to him a smile, sweeter than she would have ordinarily, as if to say it was a smile she could give only to him. A small curt little nod followed and when she turned from him, it was only to coerce Aubrenard to step along as she made way for the stables.]

[They probably would get that far until the droplets turned into downpours. Aubrenard would soon be safe to dry, but what of these two?

Running through the ways to the indoors, Connor doing his best to shield Eirika from the rain. All the while, still getting just as soaked.

This wasn't...planned too well. Connor doesn't know how the modern meteorology works.]

[It was kind of him to escort her, which she had every intention to tell him was unnecessary. After all, he'd have to brave the rain to his own quarters. To be fair, however, when she gave him a look over, halfheartedly fiddling with her own hair which certainly had its own dampness, she thought he looked a bit like a dog.

One of the kinds who got left out of a locked door.

It wasn't as if she couldn't shelter him for a bit, so without even asking for his permission, it was with her right hand that she took a hold upon the front of his robes and tugged him after.]

Come on then. Perhaps it will let up soon.

[It was kind to offer, considering he'd have to run back outside to get to his dorm. He found it hard to say no, but was it actually okay? He had a feeling he knew what she wanted to do.

Welcome him in once again.

He could help but make a face suggesting if she was really sure about it. He was sort of letting her be his guide as to what to do. If she shooed him, he wouldn't mind. But if she was really inviting him, well...that would be fine too.]

...Yes, but are you sure it is alright? I do not want to seem I mean to implore because of the rain.

[Was it alright? Eirika couldn't say because she wasn't certain. Her mind still swam with Magvel issues. Finding Connor as a comfort in a sea of discomforts was almost more instinctive and to be honest when she moved, walked with him, spoke with him, she wasn't sure she was convinced of things.

She thought it was entirely possible she was delusional. She just wasn't going to say that to him, so she didn't.

Casting a glance over her shoulder briefly, she nodded.]

A gracious woman would not turn someone away and send them into the rain. It is not as if you are interrupting anything and I doubt slumber will come to me so easily on any day or night.

[So when she found her door, she hesitated for a few moments before she reached for the handle and turned it. And rather than showing herself in, she pushed the door open and waited for Connor instead.]

[Was...she really inviting him? Like, for the night? What? Okay he said he was going to learn how to take hints but this was but a few moments later, he hadn't learned yet.

However, he didn't expect Eirika to be well. For a while. And well, maybe this was her way strangely of saying she needed him. That was how he was taking it, so he won't disappoint her. He wanted to give her whatever comfort he could muster. Even if it was for a night.]

I...alright. I will not refuse that sort of offer.

[When invited in first, he did enter. Even though he was still soaked.]

[That was some serious intuition from him. Because she did need him and that was something Eirika couldn't say. Wouldn't. Shouldn't. Needing him was compulsory and she still had to display some form of strength. Just because they were reunited didn't mean she could be weak.

Not that Connor ever thought she was.

She followed in after him, closing the door a little while after.]

There are towels in the bathroom. You can use them. You can hang your robes, if you need to.

[He almost asked if that was okay but he stopped himself. He already asked that. It would be pointless to do that. We were now in her bedroom, this was where those questions stopped. He got this far.

Though changing out of his wet clothes. Here? He sort of froze at that. Uh uhm.]

...My tunic underneath is not as wet. I shall not be long.

[He slowly went in...slowly.]

[Without a word, she lifted a hand and waved him off. She didn't particularly have anything to respond with, after all. The offer was already made and she wasn't going to retract it.

So when he dismissed himself for her powder room, she took the quiet moments she needed to look around her room. At how nothing had really changed. A nice and neat pile of her homework that was beyond the turn in date, she was sure. She wondered how she'd explain things. Above her head the flowers he brought for her at the infirmary, and the painting he'd done for her in honour of her name day.

Drawing in something of a deep breath, Eirika sat at the edge of her bed, both somber and slightly uncomfortable. And the latter likely due to the idea that she was damp. Reaching over to the nightstand at the edge, she took hairbrush into hand and began the long process of hair care. ~~Two hours later...~~ Better to do something than to do nothing, or to obsess over the idea that there was a guy- who she happened to like kissing -in her bathroom.]

[It felt like he was there for a while. It felt odd being here. In this washroom. Touching what was hers. Being in this space.

He wasn't accustomed to this.

He just couldn't turn it down.

He just couldn't.

He dried off his face and removed his robes. Tucking the weapons he had on hand. Just his bow and hidden blades on him today. Making sure they were secure in the right spot in their own space.

His tunic was just a little damp, and his pants were a little more dry too.

He would soon exit, looking probably homey than he had ever looked.]

[At least he looked okay. Well, whatever he thought of himself, when she heard him and looked, she thought he looked okay. She couldn't say the same for herself, which was why she made no effort to stop brushing her hair as carefully as she could. Nothing like getting back into the habit of either not having it done at all or not doing it herself. In a way, it was like she'd regressed.

Impressive. Except not.]

Do you need me to get you anything?

[Prying blue eyes, not quite as childlike as perhaps they might have been. She felt like she'd aged while she was away, and regardless how much of a child as she was in the eyes of the world, there sat a jaded skepticism in her that kept her guard up, even against Connor.]

[He felt those eyes onto his. He couldn't ask for more. He just couldn't.]

No...you have already done so much. I made sure my belongings were not in your way in your washroom nor take so much space.

[And those eyes...Connor was now glad he took up the offer. She was not well.]

[Setting her brush down, she tipped her head as she watched him. A lot of things went through her mind. The beat of her very heart. The very sight of him. The very implication that he was standing in her room, looking more plain than she'd ever seen him- save his custodian apparel. The concept that his things were in her washroom, like he was...

As if they lived together. Scandalous, right?

And at the same time, she... really liked that idea. She could get accustomed to seeing him every day. To be near him every day. To bury the tip of her nose into his hair. But... was it okay for her to feel that way? In a way, she worried about offending him. Connor could, essentially, heal a lot of the ache in her heart and she was aware of it. Just hearing him helped. And distracted her a great deal.

And there was something about eying him the way a woman would a man...]

This place is as much yours as it is mine, if you should really wish my opinion. There are plenty of things here that symbolise you. It only feels a little more put together with you here.

[How was that for direct?]

[Probably the most direct he ever heard her. In fact, it made him turn a little pink and a small curve on his lips. What could he...say to that? What could match the sheer honesty here?

Connor was welcome in her home, or her dorm home. Whatever home this was. That was...that a lot for him to take in such a short time.

He felt him swallow as he walked slowly to then...sit right next to her on her bed.

How far could he go here? What should he do? With a moment to think, he held out his hand and took the brush. She seemed to not pay attention to it. So Connor will.]

Here. Let me.

[Admittedly when he moved to join her, Eirika did tense. Just slightly. Not in any way that it was obvious or noticeable, but it was certainly there. It was ever consistently a war between royal propriety and being a simple woman. Or not so simple, but rather than a woman's duty was more likely to her heart, not to her metaphorical crown.

So having him in her space, having him act so familiar with her of his own accord... Was that what it really meant to have a suitor?

The feeling intensified when he took her brush into hand and for many moments, she thought about reminding him that such a thing was beneath him. He wasn't a maid of sorts and he wasn't one of her attendants. But she got the impression that his desire to do so was one that would allow him to be closer to her. Perhaps he wanted that. Consequently, she didn't stop him, but her posture did straighten a bit and when her hands laced together, it seemed almost second habit.

She'd probably sat like that several times in the past. What made it different was having it be Connor as opposed to anyone else.]

If it isn't too forward of me, I think you are very charming when you are flustered. [An easier admittance than most.] As you are when you are modest. I had nearly forgotten what this was like, to feel the way I do. Nerves, anxiety, joy. Surreal or not, being so stirred by you reminds me that I am most certainly alive. I have met many princes and many kind men, but none who make me feel as you do. Yet if someone were to ask me when I began to feel this way for you, I could not answer.

[Eirika shook her head, as if she even tried to come up with an explanation for it.]

[Connor took that brush and was slowly brushing her hair. Gently. At time, out of curiosity, he let the hair run through his fingers as he combed it. It looked so silky like fine thread; even though it was still damp. Teal was a hair color he never thought he'd see, obviously. People would surely not take it at a stride like he did where he was from. But Connor found something enchanting about it. Because it was new and unusual. Wavy and beautiful. It reminded him of the sea...

The gentle, beautiful sea. The sometimes merciless sea.

While thinking of that metaphor, Eirika probably felt like she was on the sea herself. Waiting for the land of reasoning and salvation in the distance, while braving the waters.

She knew she wasn't facing them alone. He wanted to give her the answers she wanted.]

You are alive. As am I.

[He ran the brush through again. He wasn't too bad at this. It was a way of being...intimate, for the less naive.]

I could not imagine. After a time since we first crossed paths, you did not feel like just an ally or comrade. Or a friend. I think those feelings soon faded the more I knew of you.

I did not know of how I should regard you, what kind of woman you were behind your royal airs. But you soon made that easier. You wanted me to call you of your name, not of your title. You seemed to...value my company. Wanted to know more of what kind of man I was underneath my own feats.

I think for a while, you had stirred something within me. Something of value that I could not leave behind or forget. But how to address such a feeling was something I had not known how to do.

[There weren't words for how she felt letting him brush her hair. Her insides knotted up like there was the implication of him in her personal space doing something she didn't let anyone other than her attendants or herself do. But she was like that often with him, wasn't she? Connor was given special allowances no one else could have because of who he was to her. She hated how she would go back and forth between being confident and losing that confidence. She really despised it because it came and went as it pleased, never really giving her the opportunity to better harness it.

When she was confident, she was curious, and she wanted to have an effect on him. So she could take the initiative and if she hit a level of discomfort with him, she could reassure him. When Connor got brazen and direct, it took her out of control of the situation, which meant trusting him and it was a lie to say she did so without a second thought. She wanted to trust him more and when it came to her life or well-being, that was doable. Trusting him with her heart was incredibly hard. Had been. Still was.

She didn't dare glance over to him. Instead, her fingers grasped at her skirt and bunched it up, loosened it, and repeated the cycle a few times.]

You've... never felt that way about anyone else, have you? Only me.

[She wanted to nod, but refrained. And instead, found more words.]

I could sympathise. Before you came along, I didn't even know it was possible for me to feel that way about someone. I had truly believed I was just to do whatever was required of me. And now as it stands, with my brother as king, he is my king, too. Once upon a time, if he gave the order for me to marry for political affiliation, I would have to do so without a second thought. Yet it would seem I can't do that now. I don't want to be with anyone else other than you, regardless of whatever my obligation as the princess may be. When we are together, I am too easily reminded of what it is to be just a woman and not the title with the crown.

I never knew I could feel that way and now that I do, I just... I only want to be with you. In Renais. Here. Your homeland. I don't care.

Edited (TYPOS) 2013-11-30 02:07 (UTC)

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