Epic Meal Time: Pokemon Eating Meat

[rivalthunderbolts]

Who: Jolt, Jock and Blake
What: The aforementioned eat all this meat
Where: The Kitchen
When: Tuesday
Warnings: Bacon and haters

Jock was probably sleeping pretty well, dreaming of sides of beef and pork loins and whatever else a hungry Arcanine dreamed of. But his dreams were about to be rudely interrupted by an even ruder Jolteon, poking at him as he slept.

"Wake up," Jolt instructed.

Comments

Re: IN THE KITCHEN

[flamejock]

Jock looked at the everything.

"I'm waiting for Blake to show up with the camera," he explained from behind his aviator glasses.

He paused. "Are you sure that's enough bacon?" he asked candidly.

Re: IN THE KITCHEN

[rivalthunderbolts]

"No, but we can get more," Jolt replied, smacking the side of meat. "You ready for this, bro?"

[flamejock]

"Yes," said Jock.

"Do we need to wait for Blake to show up or can we just eat it now?"

[rivalthunderbolts]

"Hang in there," Jolt said. "First we're cooking this bitch."

[travelingdarkness]

Without warning and very, very late, there was a small voice that piped up from the doorway.

"I apologize for the delay, Jock. The video camera has been procured."

It was the little shadow holding an old looking camcorder, found headmaster-knows-where. Probably stolen from one of the tech labs.

[flamejock]

Jock turned to Blake and looked at him through his shades.

"Do you know how to work that thing?" he asked. Because Jock had absolutely no idea.

[travelingdarkness]

Blake nodded, and held up the device.

"It is not dissimilar to the recording functions on our computers." As he spoke, there was a whirr as the camera was turned on and came to life.

[rivalthunderbolts]

Jolt cracked open a can of energy drink, taking a swig. "All right, we've got the food, we've got the camera. Time to make some magic."

He got in front of the camera and got right into it. "It's Epic Meal Time, online cooking show," he shouted. "And today we've got us a slab of sheep. My boy Jock and I are gonna take this lamb, wrap it up in bacon, cook the hell out of it, and eat it! You can't stop the meat train. It's coming to your stop next."

[flamejock]

Jock looked over at the mutton and the packs of bacon next to it.

"We're gonna need more bacon."

[rivalthunderbolts]

Jolt walked up to the fridge. He flung open the door.

That was a lot of bacon piled up in there.

"I've got this."

[flamejock]

Jock walked up to the bacon. Jock grabbed a pack of bacon and ripped it open with his teeth.

"The best way to cook bacon is on the inside."

Jock shoved about half a package of bacon into his mouth and smiled a toothy grin. Smoke started pouring from between his teeth and sizzling sounds happened.

JOCK used CRUNCH. It's SUPER EFFECTIVE.

[rivalthunderbolts]

"Save some bacon for the sheep," Jolt chided, taking out several packages and opening them, taking the bacon strips and draping them over the slab of meat on the table.

"We've gotta dress this sheep up right for its big date with the oven," he shouted at the camera.

[flamejock]

"Why do we need an oven when we've got me?" asked Jock, who then reached over and grabbed several packs of bacon and opened them with his teeth again.

[rivalthunderbolts]

Jolt paused.

He turned back to the camera. "But we ain't using no punk ass oven! We've got some genuine flame power up in here!" he shouted emphatically.

[travelingdarkness]

There was a bit of a fumbling pause as Blake searched for a zoom in button. Once found, he turned the camera onto a close-up of Jock.

It captured his good side. Which was every side.

[flamejock]

Jock chose this moment to launch a moderately-sized flamethrower out of his mouth, for emphatic effect.

[rivalthunderbolts]

Jolt started to slice open packages of bacon, wrapping them over the meat.

"We've got bacon strips and bacon strips and bacon strips and bacon strips... So much bacon."

[flamejock]

"But do we have other kinds of meat to wrap the meat in?" asked Jock, totally seriously.

[rivalthunderbolts]

Jolt pointed. "Check the fridge. Get us some prime meat for this bad boy," the carnivore demanded as he wrapped the slab of sheep in bacon strips.

[flamejock]

Jock opened the 'fridge, reached in and pulled out a bunch of cubed ham, a jar of bacon-bits, and two ten-pound tubes of ground beef. He shrugged his shoulders, ripped both open with his teeth again, and then dumped them onto the counter top.

He then took the cubed ham, and added it to the ground beef, and mixed it all with his hands until it was a giant paste of ham and beef. "It's ready to spread on it," he said, as he walked up with two hands full of meaty goo.

[rivalthunderbolts]

Jolt turned to the camera. "My man Jock is about to get that meat glue all over this bitch." He turned to Jock and said, "Get it, bro!"

[flamejock]

Jock walked up and slathered the meat paste all over the bacon that was already covering the mutton. Hideous sounds happened. Hideous hand motions were made.

Jock looked upon the work of his hands and thought it was Good.

"You can get another layer of bacon on, now."

[rivalthunderbolts]

"Layering up some sick bacon strips like culinary artists. It's like paper mache you can eat," Jolt raved into the camera. "This ain't your mom's craft hour. This is art."

[flamejock]

Jock lifted up his sunglasses momentarily, to get a better look at Jolt.

"You're really good at narration," he said, in a tone of approbation.

[rivalthunderbolts]

"Thanks, I watch a lot of videos online," Jolt replied with a chuckle. "Blake, you getting all this?"