Epic Meal Time: Pokemon Eating Meat

[rivalthunderbolts]

Who: Jolt, Jock and Blake
What: The aforementioned eat all this meat
Where: The Kitchen
When: Tuesday
Warnings: Bacon and haters

Jock was probably sleeping pretty well, dreaming of sides of beef and pork loins and whatever else a hungry Arcanine dreamed of. But his dreams were about to be rudely interrupted by an even ruder Jolteon, poking at him as he slept.

"Wake up," Jolt instructed.

Comments

[flamejock]

Jock opened the 'fridge, reached in and pulled out a bunch of cubed ham, a jar of bacon-bits, and two ten-pound tubes of ground beef. He shrugged his shoulders, ripped both open with his teeth again, and then dumped them onto the counter top.

He then took the cubed ham, and added it to the ground beef, and mixed it all with his hands until it was a giant paste of ham and beef. "It's ready to spread on it," he said, as he walked up with two hands full of meaty goo.

[rivalthunderbolts]

Jolt turned to the camera. "My man Jock is about to get that meat glue all over this bitch." He turned to Jock and said, "Get it, bro!"

[flamejock]

Jock walked up and slathered the meat paste all over the bacon that was already covering the mutton. Hideous sounds happened. Hideous hand motions were made.

Jock looked upon the work of his hands and thought it was Good.

"You can get another layer of bacon on, now."

[rivalthunderbolts]

"Layering up some sick bacon strips like culinary artists. It's like paper mache you can eat," Jolt raved into the camera. "This ain't your mom's craft hour. This is art."

[flamejock]

Jock lifted up his sunglasses momentarily, to get a better look at Jolt.

"You're really good at narration," he said, in a tone of approbation.

[rivalthunderbolts]

"Thanks, I watch a lot of videos online," Jolt replied with a chuckle. "Blake, you getting all this?"

[travelingdarkness]

Blake nodded mutely, as not to capture his own voice on the camera.

[flamejock]

"Turn the camera around and let the people see your face," said Jock. "Tell them how much you love meat."

[travelingdarkness]

The corners of Blake's mouth twitched into a small smile as he nervously turned the camera around. Except he turned it a bit too close to his actual face, so all that was filmed was a extreme close up of one bright red-on-yellow eye, peering out through shaggy, creepy curtains of black hair.

"I... enjoy the consumption of flesh," he muttered.

[flamejock]

"Tell them how you're gonna eat it!" said Jock. "Tell 'em how you're gonna break the bones and eat everything and growl!"

[travelingdarkness]

Blake sighed, but his face was so close to the camera, and its microphone, that every breath was loud and pronounced.

"My teeth will break the bones down to meal, and devour them alongside the guts and entrails. I consume every part of the corpse."

Then he growled through his smiling, pointy teeth, and turned the camera back at Jock.

[flamejock]

"YES," said Jock enthusiastically. "WE'RE GONNA EAT THIS THING UP."

[rivalthunderbolts]

Jolt was taken aback for a moment. "Dudes." It was all he could say for the moment.

But he quickly shook off that surprise at the response from the normally quiet Blake, grabbed the camera, turned it back to the meat in Blake's hands, and began to shout again. "YOU HEARD MY BROS, WE'RE GONNA COOK THIS THING AND THEN WE'RE GONNA DAMN WELL EAT IT!" He pointed at Jock and then at the well wrapped side of sheep. "JOCK, ROAST THIS BITCH."

[flamejock]

Jock took a deep breath, and puffed his chest out dramatically, so you could see his pecs. Because he liked you to know that he had them. Because he's vain.

However, when he exhaled, instead of it being just breath, he was using flamethrower. And a large gout of flame encased the slathered mutton.

This was probably going to take awhile, kids.

[rivalthunderbolts]

"Look at that," Jolt said into the camera. "Flames from the belly of the best, roasting that meat to juicy perfection. Savour it. Take it all in. It's magical."