smash_logs | Oh, no. You are DOOMED.

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Oh, no. You are DOOMED.

Mother Nature had one hell of a temper, and if not that, then perhaps a sadistic sense of humor. The world was Her plaything, a marionette at best, and the people who lived on it, rather unfortunate victims to Her sometimes violent moodswings. For only She could start with an overcast, grey sky, and splatter across it heavy clouds, treacherous storms, and relentless armies of snowflakes that had lost all endearment only to become companions of inconvenience and burden. Someone or something had maddened her greatly - or so would have been the assumption if one gave reason to believe in Sprites of Nature who controlled an entire world's plethora of environments.

Yet Smash Academy had only been given a taste of what was to come. And since they were such diligent and well-behaved little pets, She had reason to reward them. With more entertaining obstacles that would, no doubt, impede their precious plans that somehow took precedence to pleasing and sating her. No, they had not appreciated their darling sunshine days, clear blue skies, and painful sunburns.

"Stop playing at your human-made technological machines and bask in the glorious sun I gave to you!" she wished she could have said. But somehow winter's torment, she knew, would be a far sweeter revenge upon ungrateful children.

And that was how it had begun.

By stand alone days of simple snowfall and ambitious winds, there would be no suspicion of greater minds and hands at work. Steadily through the week, each day became harsher than the last. And like a great many number of battles in a war, there came a pinnacle for Her success. She sent the most worthy blizzard down to the surface in its invincible path and rendered for them a weekend She was certain the town and academy's citizens would remember for some time to come.

One moment was mostly peaceful, and as calm as unruly weather would allow. In some places music played. In some places, lights were dimly lit to provide a pathway. In some places, there was the happy clicking and tapping at a computer. In some places, showers and baths were being taken, savored, and enjoyed. And in other places, unsuspecting people had taken to idle chitter and chatter with other friends who were likely down the hall.

But in the next...

All went black and silent, save for the whipping wind and strangling branches of trees, as if whispering threats of what people would find in the dark.

[OOC Notes:
The following is a reminder of how things are going down for the next few days.

♦ This will last from January 18 ~ 20.
♦ The following are affected by the blizzard: electricity, heaters, hot water, TVs, gadgets, gizmos, the network. Congratulations, you've been officially stripped of your luxuries. (No computers for you.)
♦ The school's backup generators will work for about one hour before mysteriously failing. What's causing it to fail? Maybe some of you should go check out the generators themselves...
♦ The blizzard causing this blackout is pretty powerful. You probably don't want to go skipping through it lest you get blown away (in a bad way) and never return.
♦ Power will be restored, and the generators repaired, by Monday morning, January 21.]

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He wasn't completely lost in her yet, hadn't been completely engulfed by the airs of passion. Even if the scent of Nabooru's skin, the feel of the soft fabric over her hip enamored him, he hadn't crossed an imaginary threshold. Feeling the hand on his own, he wasn't sure how to interpret it at first. It could be a guiding hand to help him out, or it could be discouraging.

Hearing her quiet voice, Byrne hesitated, raising his head from where it landed on Nabooru's collar to meet her eyes. Truthfully he didn't know how far this was going to go; even if he had an idea of where he wanted it to go, he couldn't go against what she wanted.

Even if he didn't say anything, hopefully his eyes conveyed the message. I can stop if you want me to. Trying to read the expression in Nabooru's face to see what she wanted. Obviously she wanted this closeness to some degree, but he didn't know how much.

It was one of the few times that she felt genuinely frozen. Petrified, in one way or another. Unsure of what to say, or of what to do. Trying to read everything between the lines. The things neither of them would say. The things that were undoubtedly there, but silent between them. What had rendered them both into silence anyway? How had that all begun? When did pride suddenly enter the situation and keep them from being open?

Or was it that they simply enjoyed eying each other. Eyes could be soulful. Nabooru knew that, though she'd never said as much.

So when he left his on her, she kept hold upon his hand as she lifted it. With a moment's hesitance, she settled her cheek to it and affectionately held it for a few moments longer. Lips parted, words at the tip of her tongue, she realised she was too... afraid to say such things. Or that it was unfair for her to. But there was really no denying it, was there?

"I..." Her head turned and she pressed her lips to the heel of his hand. How do I say this? Why does he make me so nervous? This whole thing is stupid. Then she smiled, even against his hand. "I feel ridiculous."

It was interesting to watch the nuances of Nabooru's eyes. Byrne admired their brilliant gold color. They were like larger, more luminous versions of his own eyes, but much more inviting. They seemed to hold the key to her soul, so to speak, like he could watch her for hours to try and figure her out. That's what he was doing at the moment, trying to read her reaction, attempting to have a conversation without words.

He still watched as she moved his hand, feeling the way it softly pressed to her cheek. He was patient at least as he watched those reactions, trying to decipher their meaning. Until, that is, she said she felt ridiculous.

Byrne's expression softened a bit upon hearing that, realizing that maybe this situation had gotten too tense. But then again, was that a cue for them to stop this whole thing? Or did she feel ridiculous for a different reason? From where the hand lay in Nabooru's grasp, Byrne turned it a bit, using it to cup her face and fiddle with one of her longer red bangs. He wasn't exactly sure what to say to that, other than giving her that reassuring stroke of his thumb. "Maybe it's better just not to think."

His reaction made her feel better. Almost instantaneously, actually. The fact that he didn't mock her for it, didn't tease, didn't have an immediate witty reply. It was not only respectful, it was downright... touching. Surprising, but immensely touching and Nabooru thought her chest might explode.

Could it have been that the person she was really meant to be with had been the one above her the entire time? The way Nabooru didn't want to catch herself in commitment. The way she had used the excuse that she'd only go and leave the other person wanting. The way it really had been the truth, but that she hid behind it. But he was still there. After... over one year, he was still there.

He had not forgotten her. He had not abandoned her. He had only ever protected her and wanted her to not... be so selfless.

Did you know that I love you? Drawing in a deep breath, she felt her heart grow heavy. "Have... you ever had that feeling where you see this person and every time you see them, you have something you want to say? The words sit right there, right behind your lips, and you think, 'Maybe they don't want to hear this. So maybe you should just keep it to yourself.' So you end up never saying it, but it sits with you and you're reminded of it every time."

Looking aside, she eyed the candle he had used, admiring the way it dimly lit his room, "...Do... you think it's better for someone to be honest, or not to be?"

It was funny that Nabooru should ask that, because if Nabooru had said what was truly on her mind, Byrne wouldn't know how to react. Love had been something he hadn't dealt with in so long, something he didn't want to think about. Was that how he felt for Nabooru? Maybe. But he didn't want to think about it. He just wanted to be in the moment, to not think about how these feelings worked.

But he couldn't really help thinking about it then, could he? Because this wasn't just a fling. Part of him wished it was, that they could have a no-strings-attached relationship, but they had gone so far beyond that. He couldn't just let her go.

So when she spoke, Byrne regarded her momentarily with some curiosity before he spoke. He wanted to know what brought this on, and... he didn't know how to answer it. It's not that Byrne wasn't an honest man. He was honest, but when he didn't want to reveal a piece of information, he simply wouldn't reveal it.

"Is this a rhetorical question?"

She didn't respond immediately. If she answered negatively, it'd be a lie. If she answered... positively... Well. It'd out her, wouldn't it? The problem with the ever back and forth constant dance was that she'd eventually just have to be honest with herself, too. Being ashamed over how one felt was stupid, especially for her.

The less time she had, the more she should have been willing to share said time with him. Not living in a world of denial. Living in the moment was something easily done by the other Gerudo. And all she could think was that a year from now, she wanted to be able to go stand at his door, knock, and smile when he answered.

"Ah..." Nabooru frowned and she finally shook her head. "No. It isn't. I... have something important I need to tell you. I've... needed to tell you. And I keep avoiding it, and I don't want to avoid it anymore."

He had stalled the answer by asking if it was rhetorical, at least. And he had found out to some extent what made Nabooru ask the question. But Byrne immediately tensed up when Nabooru admitted to needing to tell him something, because he didn't know what it was. Was it an admission of something about her Sagedom? Something about Ganondorf? Or something else...?

Byrne shifted his position from where he was positioned over her, moving his legs slightly to obtain more of a kneeling position. And maybe Nabooru could see the nervousness in his eyes, the way the corners of his mouth suddenly tensed. It seemed every time Nabooru had something to admit to him, their relationship took a turn for disaster. But Byrne was an honest man. And now that she had something to tell him, he couldn't just tell her to drop it. Because now he needed to know.

"Well then... I think it's best to be honest and just tell me," he said quietly. Get it over with and tell me.

You make it sound so easy. She almost wanted to laugh. Almost, until she realised how pitiful he'd probably think she was. And he wouldn't be wrong either. She was pretty damn pitiful. Especially when she got all touchy and romantic, because that just wasn't a side to the Gerudo that was really displayed. Why she had to go in and ruin all of it was a bit ridiculous, too. But maybe it wouldn't turn out as horribly as she was picturing it being. Maybe this was all in her head and Byrne wouldn't absolutely despise her.

Maybe. But that seemed so unlikely.

Clear hesitance sat in the fingertips of her right hand as it lifted and with the most care she could muster up, she splayed her fingertips against his chest. Right where she thought his heart was. But she felt numb, as if she'd numbed herself intentionally, to protect whatever she had left to her.

Can I really say this to you? Should I? Are you sure I just shouldn't stop here and hold it inside some more? But he'd wanted her to be honest with him. Not telling him something wasn't the same as lying, right? She didn't really want to lie to him either.

"I..." Come on. Just get it out there. "... I don't need anything in return," was mostly a disclaimer. "I just need... to say this one thing." And you can hate me or anything else you want. I won't mind. I won't hold you responsible.

And in the smallest voice imaginable, yet still clear as day. "I love you."

Edited (oops i hit submit too soon - also I just keep making mistakes) 2013-02-12 03:28 (UTC)

He waited for her to speak, eyes half-shut as he contemplated her face. He had a few ideas of what she was going to say: Ganondorf was back, she was going to leave tomorrow for her Sagedom, she decided to leave and be with Ganondorf, she decided to leave and find Shinon, she had cancer, or that she despised him.

There was another option he thought of, but it seemed too unlikely. It would be almost the worst one out of the bunch, yet at the same time the best one. Whatever it is, he hoped that what she had to tell him was mundane. Nothing to worry over.

So when she said those three words ever-so-softly, Byrne simply stared at her for a minute. Then he shut his eyes, as if he couldn't believe what he heard. It was a mistake. She didn't know him. She didn't know what he was truly like, the horrible things he had done. How could she love someone like him? She didn't. She just thought she did. Or she was just delusional or just plain stupid.

Pressing his hands to the floor, he pushed himself into a kneeling position, sitting up vertically instead of lying over Nabooru. As if he just couldn't look at her.

He looked to the side, scowling. He tried to focus on some blank spot on the wall or something, because he just didn't know what to think right now. His mind was swimming with different emotions, so much conflict. One part was flattery, one was elation, but he couldn't focus on those. That was wrong. He tried to banish the good thoughts, tried to remember how bad this was, that he didn't deserve her love. No, not that either. (Even though that's really what it came down to behind the stone wall he put up.) She was lying, stupid, delusional, silly.

"You're making a mistake."

"You're making a mistake."

It echoed between her ears. A few times at least. Probably more than that, but she only remembered three. Because by the time the third time hit, her mind was turning over. And her heart too. And her stomach. And just about all of her. He could have said nothing at all. She would have preferred she said nothing at all. Anything other than berating her for how she felt. He had no right. He had no place in telling her how she could or could not feel. He had no place to be settling judgment.

But of course he would be.

So after many moments of not moving, of not speaking, of not doing anything except thinking, Nabooru finally shifted. She eyed the back of him for many moments, going over the various things she could chide him for. She thought about scolding him right back. Something about a bunch of 'how dare you's traveled through her mind, but she kept them at bay. Then she moved to sit beside him and opted for 'reason' instead.

Not that reasoning over love was something she ever imagined she'd end up doing.

"You don't get to make that choice for me," she said gently. "I... can understand remotely why you say it." Sitting in a somewhat half cross-legged position, she peered sidelong to him, pulling some hair behind her ear. "I'll own my words. I'll own my feelings, too. If something happened to me, I'd regret not saying it. You deserve to know, regardless of what you think I am or am not doing. If you ask me, this is probably the one right thing I've done with you."

It was interesting that Nabooru acted more calmly than Byrne would have thought. He almost wanted her to yell at him, to fight with him so that she could realize what a mistake she's made. So that he could pretend this never happened.

He didn't want to think, couldn't think if he felt the same way toward her. Even if he did, he would deny it to the nth degree. Love was something he couldn't afford. He didn't deserve it. It had been so long since someone had told him they loved him and meant it. Because he knew that Nabooru meant it, and that's what he hated. And what if he did love her back? He didn't want to deal with it. He had already come to accept that he cared about her, but love? Love is a different story.

Byrne still couldn't look at her. Even when she spoke, he heard the words, but they barely registered. Still, when he responded, his words were soft, almost muttered, but they gradually increased in harshness.

"You can't love me. You barely even know me."

"I like that you think you've got control over this. Are you that desperate to get away from me? Really?" Nabooru shook her head. "You're a confusing guy, Byrne. Had me going back and forth for a while, and admittedly, I've deserved it. I won't deny that."

The sharp reminder of Shinon and Byrne's first meeting became a little more fresh. Yeah. She probably deserved this kind of treatment after that whole fiasco. But she'd done it with good intentions. At least, she thought she had. Whatever the case, Byrne could easily turn everything around and make her good intentions bad. It wasn't hard to twist it all up with that complex mind.

"So sometimes you've got this penchant for protecting me, which I like. Nice to have someone care about me so much. But it'd be nice if you could just accept someone caring about you in return. You don't need to be loved. I know that. It doesn't exist because someone needs it. It exists just to exist. I don't want to try to figure it out. I just want to hold onto it. I don't need you to give me your approval and you can hate me, or whatever."

He didn't know what to say anymore. Was he desperate to get rid of her? In some ways. Then he wouldn't have to deal with all of this confusion he was feeling. Wouldn't have to feel like he was getting something he didn't deserve. He wanted to hate her for saying she loved him, and part of him did. He wished he could yell at her, slap her, something.

"Don't you know what kind of a man I am?" His voice was still quiet at first. But he turned his head back toward Nabooru, his eyes once more showing that piercing fervor, that coldness that seemed to repel everyone who came into contact with him.

His voice became louder and harsher as he spoke. "I probably damned Hyrule! I ran away from it because it's probably gone!" And just like that, he admitted more about himself than he ever had to anyone in this school. He had always been so careful, but in a moment of passion it just came flooding out: his shame and despair, the horrible guilt he carried every day.

Are you done.

It had been a fleeting thought. Very fleeting, because in all honesty, Nabooru had talked so much that it was likely about time for him to give her something back in return. His words, however, weren't the ones she expected. She didn't know a lot about his history, mostly because he'd refused to tell her. But to be fair, she didn't really talk about her history either.

History was history. It made them who they were, but it only impacted the present and the future when it was allowed to. Nabooru didn't want to be bound by her past. It was why she embraced being the Sage of Spirit. It was why she was so willing to take part in the saving of her people - even at the cost of herself. Because standing by and trying to hide behind the cloak that was Ganondorf's made her feel weak. And she was not weak.

She would never be weak. Not in the day that followed. Not in a week. Not in a month. Not in three more years.

She didn't have any words. She didn't actually know what to say and she was still trying to process the information he'd given. She thought about touching him, but it was Byrne and she'd seen him angry. She knew he could easily get irrational. Why add fuel to the fire, really? So she waited patiently, in the event that he might say more to her. That he might finally get everything out of his system that he'd been holding in.

And if anything, she looked understanding.

He waited. He wanted to hear her reprimand him, to damn him to hell for what he had done. Because that's what should have happened. The only consolation Byrne has is that what he has done is not anything close to the damage that Ganondorf caused in his past, but it doesn't make what he did right. His own selfishness could have destroyed the land.

When Zelda reappeared briefly, he had wanted her to reprimand him to, but she did no such thing. Even if they had only spoken briefly, she was still too nice to him. But she didn't have her body back, and that only meant that she was unsuccessful. But perhaps Hyrule hasn't been destroyed yet. He hopes.

But still, the words from Nabooru didn't come. When he looked at her, he wasn't exactly sure what her face was conveying, but what did it matter? He had already started. And maybe it would be better if he finished.

His words were softer, though, as he had a few moments to calm himself. "My own selfishness got in the way. I could only see what I wanted, and in the process I nearly got myself killed. And if I hadn't run, I probably would have been destroyed with the rest of the land, which is what I deserved." And he looked away from Nabooru again, instead focusing his gaze on the floor. "A selfish coward is what I am."

Nobody here knew about his past, and here was telling Nabooru some of the most intimate details of his recent history. He knew he probably shouldn't; she could turn against him, blackmail him, but maybe it would be better that way. A penance for what he had done.

"As far as I know, my Hyrule is gone. All because I was desperate for power."

She felt... sad. If that was the word for it. Nabooru wasn't real accustomed to anything that wasn't anger or utter ignorance, so when things like this came up, she wasn't certain entirely how to feel, or what to think. She couldn't exactly reassure him because she agreed that running from something like that was cowardly. He'd probably known it was when he did it. So why did he? Because he didn't want to die, surely, and he couldn't be blamed for that sentiment. She certainly didn't want to face death either, and she imagined even when she convinced herself that she was ready to, she wouldn't actually be.

And she imagined other things factored into it. Was Byrne worthy of redemption? Nabooru wasn't altruistic to think or to say that all people were. Some people genuinely weren't. She wondered idly how many people Byrne had killed, how he had, if he felt any remorse for it at all. But clearly he did. For if not, then it wouldn't have caused him to lash out the way that he had. He'd probably been holding all of it in for a while. Perhaps he'd never told anyone else other than her. The thought made her...

Well. It touched her. A little, anyway.

Selfishly, I'm glad you were selfish, she thought before continuing her thoughts aloud. "If you had died there, I wouldn't have gotten to meet you." Shifting to hug her knees to her chest, she inclined her head, settling chin down and turning her head just enough to keep her eyes on him, just so he knew he had her undivided attention.

"We can't all be spectacular people. We're hateful beings, sometimes cowardly, spurned to jealousy and anger." Blinking once, she decided to add more onto it. "Despite whatever you might have caused in your Hyrule, Byrne, I'm glad to have met you. Whatever your history has held, you are just you to me. Your eyes say you want me to hate you for it, to think you unworthy of my company or whatever else. And that's... just not how I do things, as disappointing as that might be."

Then she reached over with her right hand and gently prodded him with a slug that was far more like a love tap than an assault. "Thank you for telling me."

Nabooru should be hating him. If she was truly as good of a person as the goddesses deemed her to be, then she should be hating him and cursing him. But it felt good to tell someone. No one from his home was here, no one knew who he was, but now she did. Nabooru was in many ways the person Byrne had known at this Academy the longest. The one he had actually cared about the longest. And even though he didn't explain it all in detail, perhaps this whole thing explained why he had been so aloof for so long.

It was perhaps the most vulnerable he had ever been in front of Nabooru. It would be easy to wall himself up again and yell at her, but how good would that be? She knew now. All he could muster up now was just a soft mutter. "I wish you would hate me."

Rubbing his arm slightly where she tapped him, Byrne looked back up at Nabooru, a sadness in his eyes that he hardly showed to anyone. "But... thank you for not hating me, I suppose." Because he was grateful to a degree, but it wasn't something he deserved.

Yeah. I know.

And she did. In a way, it hurt. A little. But if she'd been in his position, she had a hard time thinking she wouldn't be reflecting the same feelings. With that thought in mind, she tried to put herself in his shoes. If she had run away from her own Hyrule and allowed Ganondorf to have his own way, she couldn't imagine she would have admitted to it. Because anyone who found out would have labeled her a traitor, and rightfully so. It was cowardly to run away.

But there was no need for her to tell him that. He already knew. And perhaps that was why she couldn't hate him for it. He hated himself so much already that he probably went to bed every night reminding himself of what a horrible person he was. Like maybe he didn't deserve to be alive.

She scooted closer to him and pulling her hair down, she rested her head against his shoulder. "...Let's... just stay like this for a little." It was her way of saying she had no other place she wanted to be. That she wanted to carry his pain, too. That she wanted to find a way to fill in the holes where he was missing.

And maybe that was all he needed right now in the most vulnerable of moments, because all this time he had tried not to think about it, tried not to think about how horribly he had screwed up. He should have pushed her away, because that's what he deserved, but... he was too weak to do that. Too selfish.

There was a shaky exhale as Byrne slowly wrapped his arms around Nabooru, pulling her in. Right now, sex was the furthest thing from his mind as he held her, strangely enough. He was like a lost child, needing comforting arms.

Just for now, he would give in and be weak. Because that's what felt the best right now. Staying just like this.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, no. You are DOOMED.

But I love the icons you've made me

But I can make bettttteeeeer ones!

Weeeeellllll if you insist.....

It would be my privilege. :>

hnnnnngh this log gives me feelings

I pump you with feelings joyfully. :>

aaaaaaa and that icon has pretty hair

I give you all the hair icons. Maybe. xD

cries Byrne why do you ruin everything

byrne you buttfase

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