You're gonna test, and I'm gonna watch.

[testgasm]

Who: Weetabix. YOU.
What: TIME EATING
When: Who even knows.
Where: APERTURE WHEATLEY LABS
Warnings: Weird time shenanigans. Inappropriate noises.

You walk through the door and find yourself in a room.



You appear to be alone. The room is empty save the door you came from and a door that is obviously the exit--though neither will open. A large, red button sits in the middle of the chamber, surrounded by several cube...things.

There is an oversized TV monitor bolted to the wall but it appears to be off.

In front of you is a pedestal that holds two things--a strange device and a pair of boots. The gun-like apparatus has two triggers, but firing either at any of the walls does nothing. More fiddling, however, and you might realize that the gun can be used for picking things up--and perhaps even used to put things on other things (HINT HINT).

The floor and walls shake gently around you, tremors of some far-off disturbance. You might want to put those boots on, and find a way out of here while you're at it.

Comments

[testgasm]

It's still enough of a manly-man kick to send the Frankenturret toppling over on the button. No sooner does it hit the red surface than the monitor flickers to life.

HELLO THIS IS GIANT BLUE ROBOT FACE.

"Hey, I knew you'd--"

GIANT BLUE ROBOT FACE IS NOT EXPECTING A COWBOY.

"Who are you?"

[planking]

Flint screamed.

[testgasm]

"Wait, wait, don't yell!" Giant blue robot face seems to be incredibly disconcerted by the fact that COWBOY IS YELLING.

"Calm down, I just asked for your name."

[planking]

Flint kept screaming; this is now the room where cowboys scream at you

"What the heck are you?" Flint demanded, taking a few cautious steps back from the LCD Screen of Doom. "Did you bring me here? What's going on?"

[testgasm]

"I'm Wheatley," he responded, managing to sound a little miffed, as if that explained everything. "And you're in my laboratory.

"Not exactly sure how you got here, but since you are, I'm sure you wouldn't mind solving a few simple tests."

[planking]

Flint was so confused. Tests? There wasn't a pencil or piece of paper in sight. If this guy was in charge, how come he didn't know how he got here? And why was there so much science everywhere?

"Actually, I think I'd just like to leave, thanks."

[testgasm]

"Ah, see, it's a bit more complicated than that," he began, somehow managing to sound just a little perturbed.

"I sort of...need someone to test for me. And since you're here in the test chambers, with me, and I can't find anyone else, you don't exactly have much of...a choice."

[planking]

"What happens if I don't?" Flint, meanwhile, was starting to sound a tad defensive.

[testgasm]

"Well, I'm sure we could just. Stand here, looking at each other. Forever. But trust me, that's not going to be fun for either of us."

Where Flint was sounding defensive, Wheatley's voice was taking on an impatient quality.

"Look, why don't you try one--a little test--and see if you like it?"

[planking]

Flint sighed the most exasperated sigh he had sighed in a while. Why was he arguing with a machine?

"If I do one of your tests, will you let me go?"

[testgasm]

"Depends on how well you do!"

With that, a panel from the floor seemed to rise of its own accord and nudge Flint towards the exit.

"On you go. And don't forget the portal device and the boots, you'll need those."

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DIE.

[planking]

The boots? You could forget the boots. Flint wouldn't be caught dead wearing those.

The portal...thing? He was hesitant to even touch it. It looked like a gun, and worse, it looked like science. And yet, he felt drawing the shiny light that was coming out of one end. He carefully picked it up, and slooooowly started to turn it around in order to look directly into the operational end of the device.

[testgasm]

"Woah, woah, woah, what are you doing!?"

Wheatley knew the rules. He knew what you weren't supposed to do with those things.

"You shouldn't look into the operational end of the device! Just--just don't do it. Messy."