RESCUE GAMERA

[whitedeviljack]

Who: RAIDEN AND MAC AND MAX AND RAIKOV AND MAYBE SOME OTHER DUDES
What: SAVING FATTY FROM A TERRIBLE LIFE OF NEGLECT AND LONELINESS
Where: KANTO
When: LET'S SAY THE WEEKEND OF THE 14TH but I am very flexible.
Warnings I'm not taking this intro very seriously at all.

Once upon a time Raiden had a squirtle named Gamera. They were the bro est of bros but Raiden didn't know how to feed him proper amounts and kind of just let Gamera eat whatever the hell he wanted. So he got fat.

He was too fat.

Professor Oak noticed one day and was like "Dude man, your squirtle is too fat I have to like, confiscate him."

And Raiden cried like a little bitch while Gamera went off to the fatty farm.

SOME TIME LATER, RAIDEN DECIDED TO STOP BEING A BIG BABY, AND GET HIS SQUIRTLE BACK. He would travel across the land, far and wide.

This is the story...

Comments

[star_punched]

When Raiden told Mac about this a while ago Mac said that, "This was not cool. I'm gonna get fat turtle back for you because seriously bro this ain't fly".

Then maybe help get him in shape, I don't know.

That's not my decision it's whatever Kat decides.

Plus he actually gets to see Kanto and leave depressing land of near murders for a bit. Those two were pluses next to helping one of his bro-iest bros.

The adventure began.

Oh yeah.

[fullunlifeconsequences]

There might have been a ghost hiding in Raiden's backpack (because all boy trainers have a backpack of SOME kind, it is just required). She wasn't obsessively stalking her ex or anything and got her information about the rescue mission that way or anything that would be STUPID.

Also Raiden is stupid.

Anyway this ghost won't be relevant for some time and this is just foreshadowing.

DUN DUN DUN...!

[majorcrotchgrab]

We're not quite sure how Raikov heard of this little adventure but he did. After all, Katya missed her one-time play buddy and this was an excuse to hang out with Jack more, so how could he refuse?

"Jack, I'm going with you."

[zoltyj_jolty]

Yeah, this little blob too.

YOU HAVE MY BICEPS

[tank_rockarms]

When a bro asks the manliest man to help out, the manliest man helps out.

Max was here for a twofold reason.

The first being Raiden had come to him, distraught and womanish, sobbing pearly tears of sorrow, begging Max to come along with him to rescue his poor, lost squirtle.

And so Max, being the manliest of men, acquiesced to Raiden's request for a rescue mission.

Max would never leave a man behind enemy lines if he could help it.

The second reason was this - Mac was going, and Max would be damned if he didn't keep an eye on Mac while that guy who probably got off sexually from murder was still around, killing people.

And so Maximilian Justice Powers and his Biceps of Ultimate Power, joined Raiden the Fair, Mac the Punchy, Raikov the Ruskie, Blob the Blobby and Blacky the Not Appearing In This Portion of the Film.

Unbeknownst to all, slumbering in Max's cargo pants (they are exceedingly large pockets, dear reader) lay a slumbering elemental beast, attuned to the spheres of both Water and Psyche.

HAS MAX CARRIED WITH HIM THE SEEDS OF THEIR OWN DESTRUCTION IN HIS VERY CARGO POCKET?

WHY HASN'T ANYONE NOTICED THE GIANT LUMP ON MAX'S LEG?

IS IT BECAUSE MOST OF MAX IS COMPRISED OF GIANT LUMPS?

Yes, probably.

"You need me to get a transport copter to fly us there? I can fly it."

[majorcrotchgrab]

OH, RAIKOV DID EYE THAT LUMP. YES INDEED.

[star_punched]

WILL YOU STOP OOGLING OVER MAC'S BIGGER AND OLDER TWIN WE HAVE TURTLES TO SAVE, RAIKOV.

"So it's big enough?"

He is super serious about this but he is also so. So. So. Excited. Kanto lands.

[thewunderkind]

This log had way too much penis.

Lash NoLastName who was Raiden's Black Hole Boss was one day in an office typing on a computer. She got an email from Raiden that said that Gamera was fat and taken away and now needed to be rescued from this place and aksed her for help so she went.

Lash got her computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where she left her Neotank and normal people close because she changed to her not-office lab coat (she had many lab coats). Lash got on her neotank and said "its time for me to live up to Raiden's e-mail and face full life consequences and shoot it in the face for stealing Gamera" so she had to go.

Lash ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed. She kept driving down the road and made sure there was no guys around because she ddint know where they were supposed to meet.

The shcoolsides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for Lashs quest to help her friend (not that she's call him that) where she was. As the parade of men looked up, Lash stepped out of the Neotank, looked around the schoolsides and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me a,d you guys I guess and help raiden get out gamera and to blow up the countrysides to defeat the enemys".

[majorcrotchgrab]

But when Lash arrived she found everyone was headcrab zombie!

"... Why blow out the country side?" Raikov simply asked. "All we're doing is going to Professor Oak's and getting his Squirtle back..."

[thewunderkind]

And then Lash was a headcrab zombie.

"Because we'll need distractions," she started back as if explosions caused by monster tanks that moved like spiders was clearly the best way to rescue anything.

[whitedeviljack]

But then Raiden had a moral delimma.

"Do we take Max's transport copter or Lash's neotank?"

Quite possibly, one vehicle might be able to contain all of Max and his lumps, and then the other passengers on this adventure.

"...Max what is that lump?" Raiden asked, by the way.

[tank_rockarms]

"What lump?" Max asked, wholly uncertain about what lump people were looking at/asking about.

"And a t-copter's made to transport troops. Neotanks can't cross oceans. Ain't this place we're goin' to an island?"

[majorcrotchgrab]

"That lump on your leg..." Raikov said, slowly advancing towards Max, to inspect the lump closer.

[thewunderkind]

"Max you're really dumb," Lash said from atop her neotank, taking off her shades. "I've installed a G-Diffuser in this baby since last year! It just needed a few little more things and..."

Lash stop calling your things baby.

"Check this out!" She got inside again, and the Neotank's legs flipped themselves over into the sky. As the continue to watched (maybe in aww, maybe in confusion), the four legs opened up revealing some spinning blades. The blades began to spin faster and faster and they could hear the hum of something going on, probably the g-diffuser in action, as the Neotank looked less like a Neotank but a copter. She stepped out of the top again and grinned.

"See? See! I'm the greatest inventor ever!"

And no Max, Orange Star wasn't getting this baby.

[star_punched]

Mac looked at the flying tank and was just thinking....flying tank.

"Wow..."

Sorry Max but. Flying tanks.

"I vote we ride that."

[tank_rockarms]

Max loved tanks. Max hated Black Hole.

Black Hole made neotanks originally. Max had never been able to like neotanks as much as he should.

And so he didn't trust it. But it was a flying tank. But it was a flying neotank.

Max was conflicted. He decided to ignore the subject matter at hand.

"I ain't dumb," said Max. "And you're gettin' the schematics for that to Andy tomorrow."

Max poked the lump in his pants. It a little squishy. He opened the pocket up and looked in.

"Looks like Slowpoke's takin' a nap in my pants," said Max, seriously going with that statement as a totally normal thing to say.

[rotarytier]

Goose just so happened to approach right as Max said that.

Oh. What timing.

"I like a boner as much as the next guy, but pipe down."

[majorcrotchgrab]

Raikov, however, was convinced it was a slowpoke tail and dropped the subject. Slowpoke tails were food, right? From what he had heard at least.

He had been spooked by Lash's display though.

".. I feel safer with the helicopter."

[whitedeviljack]

"What if we... took both?"

NOVEL CONCEPT, REALLY.

Would they form a PowerZord if they combined the two...

1 of 2

[needsmorebiceps]

Max turned to Goose, who had decided to introduce himself with a penis comment.

"What the hell are you talkin' about, soldier? I don't know if Jake used to let you say that sorta stuff around him, but I don't put up with that sorta foul mouthed jackassery. DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY."

The veins in Max's neck were terrifyingly prominent as these kind and gentle words came pouring out in his velvety baritone.

[tank_rockarms]

Max turned to Raiden, the veins in his neck now decidedly less pronounced. "I'm alright with that."

[star_punched]

Mac gave a look that suggested "what just happened".

[thewunderkind]

"Eh the usual," Lash commented, shrugging. "Goose being an idiot, Max being Max and I bet my Neotank would totally out-fly whatever flying vehicle Max has!"

Turning everything into a competition.

"But if we are splitting, I don't want lame twin and dick bird with me."

[whitedeviljack]

"I call shotgun." Raiden cried as he went for Max's tank. No offense Lash, but he had never been in that.

[majorcrotchgrab]

"Oh, you don't have to worry. I'm sticking with Max and Jack." Raikov snorted. Katya copied his gesture atop his head.