The Great Excitebike Migration: As Narrated by Sir David Attenborough

[gunplay]

Who: Ocelot and ANYONE
What: EXCITEBIKES
Where: Campus hallways.
When: Dec. 20
Warnings: Motocross violence..? And swearing.

[BBBBBBBBBBBBBB...]

[Seeking warmer dirt tracks free of ice to do sick tricks on, the annual Excitebike migration cuts a detour through the vast open hallways of the campus this year. The herd of tiny blocky motocross racers travels in close groups so as to avoid both predators and being lapped by the leader. Once they're on the move, there is very little that can stop them until they reach a finish line.]

[BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB]

[Naturally, Ocelot is out on patrol, spinning his guns, when he hears the buzzing of many tiny engines. But it is too late-- there is nowhere to run.]

[He barely has time to scream before they hit him. And when they're gone around the corner and the dust settles, Ocelot is left sprawled on the ground, his Spetsnaz uniform covered in little tire tracks. Déjà vu.]

...Son of a bitch...

Comments

[reign_of_power]

"Just as planned" Ganondorf said from somewhere after using the assist trophy.

[deathboss]

[bbbbBBBBBBB? That didn't sound like normal motorcycles that Taachan imitated. Eikichi just has time to peek from the room he was in to watch the migration pass right by him, and the poor sap in the middle get caught in the crossfire.]

[You know, he should be surprised at this but after his own adventures and this place in general, he's almost a little TOO casual about it. It doesn't stop him from looking confused about it all, mind you.]

Hey. You alright?

[gunplay]

[He doesn't reply immediately, but takes a moment to attempt to peel himself off the floor. What he manages to get out of that is to roll over onto his back. His front his fairly covered in tire-tracks as well somehow, especially the face. He squints at Eikichi out of the corner of his eye.]

Who are you.

[deathboss]

[Are you for real.]

...a student?

[trustycrowbar]

[Gordon had just walked away from the campus coffee shop, steaming cup of liquid intelligence in his hand, when he hears the noise. He blinks cluelessly as the people around him scramble for the walls and corners, and barely has time to look back to the oncoming BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB--]

[He doesn't have time to scramble out of the way; he barely has time to yelp before he's hit. Coffee, glasses and papers go flying. Gordon himself blocks the track in a gangly sprawl, and small tire tracks over that spotless labcoat of his as the excitebikes vault over and swerve around him.]

[One of the little racers wipes out on the new latte slick, and gestures in 8-bit obscenity to the faceplanted giant in the middle of the track before he goes back for his bike. THANKS A LOT, BUDDY.]

[gunplay]

[Well at least Ocelot isn't alone in his crushed dignity. He shakily crawls forward to retrieve his dropped gun, shoving aside Gordon's papers.]

I'll kill those.... those....

[...People? What the hell were they? Too low-res to tell for sure.]

[trustycrowbar]

[Gordon doesn't say anything just yet, but he laboriously pushes himself up, glaring unfocused at the world in general and groping for his glasses. Wow, those things aren't just for show, are they?]

'S whole damn school is starting to feel like an acid trip in an arcade...

[loveisbloominginmypants]

[Snake has rarely seen things that really make him laugh. For all of the hardships the man's gone through, there's clearly something going very, very right.

At first he has absolutely no idea what's going on. But then the bikes come in and go through. He hears them before he sees them. Just like that, what once was there, has gone, and left in its wake an Ocelot sprawled across the ground.

He doesn't hesitate to chuckle, which eventually becomes almost echoing laughter. It's nice to see the man get some just desserts after that mistletoe nonsense. After he regains some form of 'decency,' however, he does stop about three feet from the major.]

If you were looking for attention, you got it.

[gunplay]

[HE COULD BE DEAD YOU JERK. Okay no he's mostly fine. Just thoroughly trampled.]

[The moment he hears Snake's voice, he realizes what he's missing. His gun had skittered away a few feet during the chaos. Groaning, he slowly pries himself a few inches off the ground and reaches for the weapon. Perhaps once he gets his hand on it, he can pick up a little of his dignity too.]

[loveisbloominginmypants]

[Okay. If he were dead maybe Snake wouldn't be laughing. Or maybe he would. Once he sees Ocelot move, however, he knows he'll not have the opportunity to find out.

With half a mind to either kick Ocelot's gun away, or to step on it, something in him refrains and instead, he chooses to wait. It's like dinner and a show.

And then Snake, while not trusting, has just a sliver of compassion. He leans over just enough to offer a hand down to Ocelot, meant to help pull him to his feet, not push his face into the ground.]

[gunplay]

[...And then Ocelot half-swoons in his arms. Not because he's surprised that Snake helped him, or even because he's a dramatic person, but because he's been knocked around so much by the invasion of tiny racing fanatics that getting to his feet so suddenly makes him dizzy.]

Ugh...

[He clings tightly to that beefy arm while he sorts out what's happening.]

Snake?

[Wait... which Snake? He can't see the eye while he's draped over his arm.]

[neveraskedforthis]

....

[ Adam doesn't even question it. GOOD THING HE SEES THE BIKES ON HIS RADAR BEFORE THEY HAVE A CHANCE TO RUN HIM OVER.

Seems like some others (mainly Ocelot) are not so lucky. Being augmented does have its perks. Sometimes. ]

Well that's one security flaw.

[ He notes this. Doubtful he's going to do anything about it though, since he's not suffering from it. ]

You okay there?

quality security chief

[gunplay]

I'm fine.

[Except not really. He tries to stand up too fast and slumps down to his hands and knees, still a bit stunned from being hit by a swarm of aggressive vehicles the size of dogs.]

[While he's back down at floor-level, he picks up his gun and jams it back into its holster, clearly annoyed.]

already nominated for employee of the year

[neveraskedforthis]

[ Poor Ocelot. Adam would have a little more pity but hey, the only thing really hurt here seems to be the guy's pride, he'll get over it. ]

Pissed off the owner of a motocross club? No way that was an accident.

[ Or are you really so clumsy, Ocelot, that you'd let yourself get hit by THAT. ]

[gunplay]

[Ocelot rubs at his face, half-wondering if the skin is even still there after being grinded on by pixellated rubber.]

What business is it of yours?

[obfuskate]

[ Ah.

Well, at least those things couldn't run him over - he was perched high up in a tree, drinking some sweet cocoa - but he was amazed to see that someone had been mowed down. Not only that, but it was a very certain someone he knew.

Ha... haha.

Hahaha! Have this hedgehog chuckling darkly at him as he approached, mug in hand. ]

Comical.

[gunplay]

[The laughter of a smug rodent is really not what he wants to be hearing right now.]

Erghh...

[He slowly crawls towards his dropped gun, pulling himself by clawing at the ground.]

[obfuskate]

[ Oh. So that's what he's going for.

However, Shadow isn't about to let Ocelot have it. He snatches up that gun, examining it carefully with his finger dangerously hovering over the trigger. No, he isn't going to fire it, but it's a small warning sign that this one ought to stop messing with him. ]

Is this what you want?

[gunplay]

[Ocelot glares at Shadow like he's trying to summon deadly lasers from his eyes. ...Which isn't all that threatening of a look considering the silly patterns of tread marks crossing his face.]

You filthy rat...

[He lashes out towards the gun, trying to grab it.]

[kumagypsy]

[BBBBBBBBBB]

What that's noise?

[BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB]

WHAT THE FU-

[And then Kumatora disappeared under a flood of BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB]

[itsjustrats]

[WHEN IN DOUBT, CLING TO THE CEILING. the NPCs don't know how to look up

And... keep hanging.

And hanging.

And hanging some more.

How many of these things are there?]

[shirtphobia]

...

What are you doing?

[A man stands over the fallen Ocelot, arms folded across his bare chest. His cold eyes stare down at the fallen man with the sort of look one would give a very stupid child. First the noise, now this little blond lying on the ground with a countless flurry of bizarre- were those bike trails?]

Good grief, can you not keep your uniform a little cleaner?

[gunplay]

Hrgfrhgnn...

[With shaky effort, Ocelot pries himself off the ground, getting to his hands and knees. Somehow, there's just as many bike tracks on his front as on his back. Even on his face.]

[Oh. Terrific. The man he wanted to make a calculated cool introduction for and impress is here, looking down at him, while he's eating dirt.]

[Scowling with humiliation, he stretches an arm out to grab his fallen gun.]

I'll try to do that next time there's a stampede.

[shirtphobia]

A stampede of what, might I ask?

[A smirk twisted his lips as he watched the young man move. How in the world he achieved this fate was unthinkable. He circled him slowly, cautiously.]

I wasn't aware Hot Wheels were so truly dangerous.

[gunplay]

[He reaches the gun, and considers shooting it once just to make the man jump. Being mocked is a serious offense.]

[Climbing to his feet on determination alone, he stands straight and flicks a finger-gun at Liquid while beginning to twirl the revolver with his other hand, resuming the signature image of Ocelot... although laced with tread marks.]

Nobody around here knows who they're dealing with. I'll-- ughh...

[And then the image is broken. He swoons without warning, losing his balance to fall back down onto his face.]