The Great Excitebike Migration: As Narrated by Sir David Attenborough

[gunplay]

Who: Ocelot and ANYONE
What: EXCITEBIKES
Where: Campus hallways.
When: Dec. 20
Warnings: Motocross violence..? And swearing.

[BBBBBBBBBBBBBB...]

[Seeking warmer dirt tracks free of ice to do sick tricks on, the annual Excitebike migration cuts a detour through the vast open hallways of the campus this year. The herd of tiny blocky motocross racers travels in close groups so as to avoid both predators and being lapped by the leader. Once they're on the move, there is very little that can stop them until they reach a finish line.]

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[Naturally, Ocelot is out on patrol, spinning his guns, when he hears the buzzing of many tiny engines. But it is too late-- there is nowhere to run.]

[He barely has time to scream before they hit him. And when they're gone around the corner and the dust settles, Ocelot is left sprawled on the ground, his Spetsnaz uniform covered in little tire tracks. Déjà vu.]

...Son of a bitch...

Comments

[gunplay]

Heh. Heh heh!

[The laugh is sudden and scalding.]

Phantoms? You're wasting your time. There's no such thing.

[He gets to his knees and tries to coolly brush himself off with a hard swipe of his hand, but the dust interrupts his cool-guy composure by making him cough for a moment. Oops.]

Ghhk.

[obfuskate]

You are a fool for thinking otherwise. I saw you with them. I heard her. They were there, and they were following you.

Do you think I'm an idiot?

[ uh Shadow

that's

kind of obvious tho ]

[gunplay]

It was just a dream.

If you want to see her again... [He raises his hand, pointing two fingers at him in a mimicry of a gun, then flicks his wrist back as if he had shot it.] ...then go back to sleep.

[obfuskate]

I remember you through our dream. You, too, were 'dreaming'.

However... you were telling me to ignore them. They were there. You were well-aware of this.

[ As for that action, he doesn't even flinch for a second. ]

[gunplay]

If you're so convinced, then prove it.

[He stands fully, brushing off his jodhpurs with ineffective swipes. His uniform is basically ruined.]

Ugh. Little bastards.

[obfuskate]

I have no proof. I know the truth, and it is all a matter of whether or not you'll believe me.

Very well then. I will keep your revolver until you cooperate.

[ He lofts a single brow. Problem, Major? ]

[gunplay]

You call that blackmail? If I lose one, I just buy another.

[Screw it, he's taking his jacket and scarf off. He can't stand how dirty he is. He impatiently undoes the buttons and straps until he can pull the starched black jacket off. There's a slim blue-and-white striped shirt underneath.]

[obfuskate]

You say that now, but you were terribly defensive over it.

[ He then does something that may prompt an interesting reaction out of this meowing Major:

He starts twirling that gun in his hand.

It's no Ocelot-level twirling, but he's still doing it with relative ease. ]

[gunplay]

Maybe I just don't like being unarmed--

[He starts to deliver another scathing glare at Shadow, but goes still and gapes when the hedgehog starts spinning his revolver.]

[Oh...]

...

[obfuskate]

...

What are you gaping at?

[ HE'S STILL SPINNING IT. ]

[gunplay]

Tch... nothing.

[He flushes a bit, glancing away, obviously flustered.]

[obfuskate]

[ Oh.

Well, that worms a smirk out of him and makes him twirl that gun even faster. Oooh, faster, Shadow! ]

Lies. You're impressed.

[ Not in the way he's thinking, though. ]

[gunplay]

Fool, that's nothing compared to what I can do.

[Grump grump I want my toys back grump.]

[obfuskate]

Then why not prove it? Oh, no. You can't.

[ He looks to the revolver he's spinning like a propeller, then back to Ocelot. ]

"Please, almighty Ultimate Lifeform, hand me my revolver."

[gunplay]

...

.........

[Bitch plz.]

[He turns away a bit, takes a deep breath, cups his hands on either side of his mouth, and:]

MEEEEOWWWRRR!!!

[And now we wait.]

[obfuskate]

................................

What.

[ Okay. Yep.

This man is officially insane. ]

1/2

[lots_of_ocelots]

[A running cacophony of footsteps approaches, and within seconds there's a unit of armed men surrounding the both of them, guns drawn on Shadow. Each one is dressed similarly to Ocelot, minus the spurs and scarf, and with a balaclava covering their heads.]

Major!!!

2/2

[gunplay]

[Ocelot holds up one hand, and all of the men relax their aim, lowering their guns but not putting them away.]

[obfuskate]

... You meow to summon your soldiers.

[ Shadow nonchalantly glances around at them, and again, the gun begins to twirl. ]

I've defeated the entire United Nations military like they were toys. You expect me to falter now?

[ Wow. ]

1/3

[gunplay]

[Ocelot rolls his eyes at Shadow and turns to his unit. NOPE HE DOES NOT PARTICULARLY BELIEVE YOU...]

Are any of you carrying a Colt Single Action Army?

2/3

[lots_of_ocelots]

[Several voices speak in turn.]

Just my AMD-65, Major.

Major, are you okay? You look, uh...

I have a Makarov, Major. Will that work?

Forgive me, Major. Just the bullets.

3/3

[gunplay]

Shut up. Give me the Makarovs and stand back.

[He pushes the closest man away by the chest, and retrieves two Makarovs from the others-- small handguns.]

[Eying Shadow coldly, he begins to rapidly spin them in each hand at the same time. Spin spin spin spin spin. He turns his hand, spinning them horizontally under his hand. Then over his hand. He throws them up and catches them. Behind his back. Flips one over his shoulder. Under and over his arm from behind. Spinny spinny spinny.]

UHH... 4/3

[lots_of_ocelots]

Way to go, Major!!

[obfuskate]

[ ...

Nope, sorry. Shadow still looks particularly unenthusiastic. ]

I see. So you were trained for a human circus before attempting the military.

[ Sloooow clap. ]

[gunplay]

It's much better than you can do. [STILL TWIRLING. CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP.]