You're gonna test, and I'm gonna watch.

[testgasm]

Who: Weetabix. YOU.
What: TIME EATING
When: Who even knows.
Where: APERTURE WHEATLEY LABS
Warnings: Weird time shenanigans. Inappropriate noises.

You walk through the door and find yourself in a room.



You appear to be alone. The room is empty save the door you came from and a door that is obviously the exit--though neither will open. A large, red button sits in the middle of the chamber, surrounded by several cube...things.

There is an oversized TV monitor bolted to the wall but it appears to be off.

In front of you is a pedestal that holds two things--a strange device and a pair of boots. The gun-like apparatus has two triggers, but firing either at any of the walls does nothing. More fiddling, however, and you might realize that the gun can be used for picking things up--and perhaps even used to put things on other things (HINT HINT).

The floor and walls shake gently around you, tremors of some far-off disturbance. You might want to put those boots on, and find a way out of here while you're at it.

Comments

[testgasm]

"Obviously," he answered, though whether or not he'd taken care of the reactor core, or just shut down the announcement system was something he wasn't going to say.

"Got it all taken care of, this time. It's just you two. And me. And all these test chambers. Should be fun, right? Hey, you'll even get to test this time! Never done that before, have you?"

[testgasm]

"Oh, you know, just a few puzzles. Cube-and-button based testing, which you've already got figured out. What do you say?"

This is a totally convincing argument.

[makesithot]

Yes it was totally a convincing argument. At least, convincing enough for Chili. He grins.

"Things like this?! Man, talk about easy!! We've got this under control, no problem!" He turns his head toward his brother before adding, "Oh yeah, and then after we win, we get to go back to the academy, right?"

[planking]

Flint kept screaming; this is now the room where cowboys scream at you

"What the heck are you?" Flint demanded, taking a few cautious steps back from the LCD Screen of Doom. "Did you bring me here? What's going on?"

[whitedeviljack]

Raiden blinked. Maybe once or twice, then swiveled around and took in his surroundings yet again like another breath of air.

"Home?" He echoed. This was his home?

"I just..." Why did he want to leave so soon? Because he thought it wasn't safe (with those ominous rumblings, vague burning smell and top-secret-government-facility styled surroundings)? He didn't know where he was? That not only did Raiden not know how he ended up here but Library Assistant guy didn't know either? The tiny blonde human slouched in his posture, letting the portal gun hang lazily from his hand, looking more at ease but only more confused.

"Don't you think it's weird we're just..." He ran a hand through his hair. "here for no reason? That doesn't bother you?"

Then Raiden reminded himself he had been living at a place for the past approximately three years where weird shit is actually quite a normal occurrence. SIGH.

"What is all this stuff anyway?" The gun, the boots, the button, the...

"...those things?" Crawling around and looking like they wanted desperately to be put out of their misery.

[testsubject1]

Yeah, Chell had a feeling that the reactor wasn't fixed at all. While she didn't know how these things worked, she knew enough about Wheatley to know that he probably had no idea how to run this facility.

She echoes GLaDOS in giving the large screen a lineface. Of course, she says nothing, but her expression conveys it all.

It was rather sad that she was partnering up with her captor yet again, even agreeing with her sentiments. But, it wasn't like she had any other choice. She was being forced to relive this horrible scenario and had to get out again.

[dothelokomotion]

Byrne stops running toward the door as it slams shut. What? He thought he was doing the damned test correctly. Or whatever this was. Getting out of this dungeon. It was like a badly designed Zelda dungeon.

He finds he wants to glare at whomever is speaking to him, but he can't seem to find the source. So he sighs and responds.

"I'd prefer to leave this place."

[testgasm]

"Well, yes. I do. But I can't say I mind, really." There was something to be said about running the entire facility, after all, even if this was probably just some kind of strange mass hallucination that...also...affected...robots.

WHATEVER he wasn't going to complain, not when there was science to do.

"That, what you've got in your hand, is an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. You'll need it for the tests. Those,"

And he glanced rather halfheartedly at the frankenturrets "are boxes with legs. They are also for the tests."

[testgasm]

"Uh, sure," he answered, though Wheatley was not entirely certain. With his luck, he'd just be able to test the two of them indefinitely.

"I wasn't exactly expecting two of you, so you'll have to give me a minute to find some, ah. Appropriate test chambers. Just go through that door, there, and we'll be on our way."

[testgasm]

Wheatley, of course, had no idea why anyone would not want to test for him, and narrowed his optical shutters ever-so-slightly in response.

"Well, uh, the way out is just past some test chambers. You'll have to go through them if you want. To leave."

[testgasm]

"I'm Wheatley," he responded, managing to sound a little miffed, as if that explained everything. "And you're in my laboratory.

"Not exactly sure how you got here, but since you are, I'm sure you wouldn't mind solving a few simple tests."

[makesitcool]

That weakly affirmative response Wheatley gave about their ability to leave afterward wasn't very reassuring. In fact, he seemed uncertain about a lot of things that he should presumably know about. How could Chili be so upbeat about testing at a time like this, under such puzzling and foreign circumstances? For all they knew, they could have been abducted! That had to be illegal! At least his brother's glowing optimism was something that could assure him, if this glowing blue light on screen couldn't do that instead. Whatever the case may be, it looked as though there was no choice. The tests did seem pretty harmless, not to mention easy. They might find answers later.

"If you must insist..." Cress glances toward the aforementioned door. Once he made sure Chili was on the same page about leaving the room, he heads that way alongside him. There was a prominent sinking feeling buried inside his chest.

[makesithot]

The redheaded brother gets one last look around the room before leading the way, evening out his pace to match Cress'. He's convinced: this must be the end of the line for these weird realities! First, in a weird world that kept shifting environment, then in an office building with Cyrus, and now here, in a testing facility, with Cress. Maybe it was time to share with him his conclusion.

In a hushed tone, Chili begins his briefing: "Cress, listen up! I think that if we just hang around for a bit, we'll be able to find our way out of here!" He flashes him a confident smile. "I mentioned this before, but I've already been through two of these weird places already. They seem like a series of wacky dreams! But as all dreams do, they end eventually. I don't know what's going on here, but maybe this is the last stop, and then we can make it back." He hopes that will help his brother to understand, at least to the same extent he does. Which... isn't much, he realizes.

[did_well_enough]

GLaDOS massages her temples. She doesn't believe a word of what he's saying and just wants her damn facility back. Speaking of which...she doesn't even know why she's here, how she got here, or anything. It's annoying. On top of THAT, how is she going to take back her body in this humanoid state? Will the connections work?

...these thoughts and more flood the mind of the AI, before she dismisses them all for a later date. Right now, she needed to get through this as quickly as possible. She'd think on her feet. And...besides, now she'd get to see how loyal Chell was.

"Alright fine. We'll go along with your little game." for now. "But don't try anything." that's her job.

[makesitcool]

Not really, Chili. Cress seems kind of confused. So confused, in fact, that he doesn't even know what kind of question to ask first.

"But are you absolutely positive that it will end?" He cradles his new portal gun over his left forearm, eyeing his surroundings warily as he spoke. "That is, if what you're saying makes any sense. What kinds of 'places' do you mean?" Obviously, this was Cress's very first adventure through fabricated space.

[makesithot]

Suddenly, Chili isn't sure. He hadn't considered the idea that the 'dreams' might not end. His eyes drift down, focusing hard on the portal gun in his own hand as he bites at the inside of his cheek. "...Places that I'm not familiar with," he tries, attempting to think of a better way to phrase it. "Aaahh, I can't think of a better way to put this! I don't think we're supposed to be here; every time I appear in one of these places I don't know and ask what's going on, everyone always looks at me all bewildered."

The two of them navigate through the door, and Chili tries to wrap it up. "I don't know! I just get a feeling that this is real and not a dream or anything. Maybe we just need to complete this and then we'll be back at the academy!" P-Perfect logic. "Just trust me for now, okay?"

[makesitcool]

There is a long trail of silence before he speaks. "You don't seem to have all the answers I desire, but I do believe you." He pauses again. "This certainly doesn't feel like a dream..."

His fears are not alleviated in the slightest. Still, what else can he do but swallow them and press on?

[dothelokomotion]

Test chambers. So he was some sort of lab rat or something.

Yeah, Byrne had absolutely no desire to be a lab rat at all. In fact, he wanted the opposite. The thought of remaining in this powerless position was maddening, so he didn't actually think about it. The thought flashed in his head and he ignored it, determined that he was going to get the hell out of here.

"You'll have to reopen the door then," he said calmly to the annoying voice, "Assuming you were the one who just shut it on me."

[testgasm]

The path from the first test chamber brings Chili and Cress along a series of catwalks, though there's no question about where to go. The platforms wind around and through large, black, cube-like structures and eventually lead into one.



"So let's just--let's just take a minute and introduce you to, ah. The tools of the trade, as it were. That is an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. Go ahead and fire it at those white panels, there, see what happens."

[testgasm]

"I was, yes. That was--that was all me. I'll reopen the door, but watch your step on the catwalks."

As promised, the door reopened, revealing a series of platforms that wound around the test chamber. Beneath them was only the vague white mist that explicitly stated this pit is bottomless.

"It's a bit of a long fall."

[testgasm]

The thought of testing Her, giving Her a taste of Her own medicine is perhaps the most exciting aspect of this whole strange time-warp thing.

He opens the door, allowing GLaDOS and Chell to traverse the catwalks to the next test chamber.

"You know how it all works, so I don't need to bother explaining it to you. But I'm thinking, now that you've actually got legs for testing that we could, ah. Do this ...cooperatively. Sort of shake things up a bit, so we're not doing the same test chambers from...before."

[makesithot]

Chili holds the gun up so he can inspect it while Wheatley gives it a name. After the command, he tilts his head, suspicious. He recalls that before when he fired it in the other room, nothing happened, but he's willing to give it another go without complaint.

"Allllllllriiiiight!" Chili chirps, and he springs forward and fires a shot across the room and hits a panel a bit high from ground level. When he stops to see what the damage was, he is met with a luminescent oval hole in the wall. "Huh?" His tone is flat.

[dothelokomotion]

Byrne moved forward, then, as the computer opened the door. He did indeed see the horribly long fall, knowing that a fall would indeed kill him if his grapple couldn't hold onto something long enough.

Right, his grapple. He wouldn't have to rely on this dumb little gun here, would he? He wasn't taking off his gauntlet to make room for it. He was doing it his own way.

SO in an act of defiance, he shot his grapple out, grabbing onto a beam on the ceiling and landing at the end of the series of catwalks. SCREW WALKING.

[testsubject1]

Of course they wouldn't be the same ones from before. Why would Chell ever be so optimistic to think that?

The tests from before were annoying enough. One screw-up and she could be dead. One part of her felt a certain smugness that GLaDOS would have to go through what she had to go through before. Serves her right. If only Wheatley could do the same thing. That would be even more satisfying, especially to watch him plummet down the bottomless pits to his gruesome demise.

Chell walked forward into the catwalks, carefully treading the corridors to avoid falling to her death. Just like old times. Dreaded, horrible old times that she wished never happened again. The only way to win was to take Wheatley out once more, and she would do it, regaining her freedom.

[makesitcool]

"You blew a hole straight through the wall," muses Cress. He's pretty impressed with how perfectly oval the blow had rendered the panel's new hole. An Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device... ah! Maybe it was in the name! "So this device creates instant portals that lead into the adjacent rooms?" he questions. "But how do we reach it with a ledge this size impeding our progress... Is there a lever or a switch we're meant to locate somewhere?"

OH LOOK. A button. That's a button over there, right? Maybe the glowy squares are instructions, kind of like in the last room. Cress heads toward it so that he may inspect it more closely. THE CUTE LITTLE PICTURE INSTRUCTIONS READ: Cube falls from chute (oh look a chute dead ahead) and cube falls on switch (hey wow that sure does look like a switch beneath that chute). There really seems to be no harm in pushing this button. So he does it without any further validation. Maybe he'd solve the test?