smash_logs | DRIVER'S EDUCATION SEASON 2, EPISODE 4: DUAL CLASSES DON'T ALWAYS MEAN YOUR EXP IS DIVIDED EVENLY

CHARACTERS: SAMURAI GOROH, EGGMAN ROBOTNIK AND THEIR TEAMS OF HOMEBOYS (THAT WOULD BE YOU.)
WHAT: ...WHAT?
WHAT!: DRIVER'S EDUCATION.
WHERE: A NEW CITY OFFTOWN?
WHEN: DECEMBER 11TH
RATING: HOT COFFEE MODS

[Winter. It's usually depressing, boring and very white. Too bad Eggman and Robotnik are READY TO MAKE SOME NOOOISE!

As the students exit the buses, a ninja hands them a small watch. There are two buttons, ones loads up a town map,

the other seems to be the ability to communicate with each other. Finally there are three unlit star-shaped lights on the side.

As the students look up, they might notice that there is an ENTIRE TOWN that has been built up, matching the map. There are also Eggbots all around, dressed up in costumes. Some have pink dresses and terrible wigs. Some are driving cars. Some are just standing around. There's even Egg bums!

BUT....SUDDENLY!

Music starts playing.

Samurai Goroh arrives in his FIRE STINGRAY, crashing into two nearby trees as he EJECTS DRAMATICALLY and does about ten or so TOTALLY AWESOME back flips for NO GODDAMN REASON. A team of robots steps in with ninjas and puts it out before disappearing. He stands near the assembled group, looking pleased with himself.

Eggman, on the other hand, is hovering over the entire makeshift town. Is he...Is he dressed with a white wig like some sort of lame mayor? Yeap. He is.]

STUDENTS!

WELCOME BACK. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS ALREADY BUT WHO CARES, MY NAME IS

SAMURAI GOROH

And you all know me as

DR. ROBOTNIK, THE GREATEST SCIENTIFIC GENIUS IN THE WORLD!!!

TODAY IS THE LAST DRIVER'S ED OF THE SEASON, SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE INTERESTING IF PROFESSOR EGGMAN AND I DID A JOINT CLASS.

[He raises his hands and points around]

WELCOME TO LIBERTY CITY. YOU'RE ALL GOING TO LEARN ABOUT JUSTICE TODAY. THE SAMURAI GOROH WAY. IT'S CALLED PLAYING COPS AND ROBBERS.

HERE'S HOW IT WILL WORK. A SELECT FEW OF YOU WILL PLAY COPS. YOU HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OVER THE CITY. BE BON COPS OR BAD COPS, I COULD CARE LESS.

THE REST OF YOU WILL BE ROBBERS. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, CHILL OUT SOMEWHERE, GO BUY SOME NEW CLOTHING, OR ROB A BANK. SEE THOSE STARS ON YOUR WATCH? WHENEVER YOU DO SOMETHING EVIL OR ROBBER-LIKE SUCH AS STEALING A CAR OR TAKING CANDY FROM A ROBOT BABY, YOU GET A STAR. ONCE YOU GET THREE STARS, THE COPS GET NOTIFIED OF YOUR POSITION AND CAN FIND YOU WHEREVER YOU GO. THERE ARE NO SAFE POINTS. IF THE COPS TAG YOU, YOU WILL BE TRANSPORTED TO THE HOSPITAL WHERE YOU MUST REMAIN FOR TEN MINUTES. THERE ARE A LOT OF TOYS AT YOUR DISPOSITION, FAKE GUNS, REAL CARS, REAL MONSTER TRUCKS, DO WHAT YOU WANT.

[He points to a small image]

THIS SHOULD BE YOU.

THE MORE CRIMES YOU CAUSE AS ROBBERS, THE BETTER YOUR GRADE. BONUS POINTS FOR CREATIVITY.

THE MORE CRIMES YOU STOP AS A COP, THE BETTER YOUR GRADE. BONUS POINTS FOR CREATIVITY.

There is a VERY IMPORTANT PURPOSE to this lesson! If you plan to commit a crime, DON'T GET CAUGHT!!

DON'T CALL THIS GLORIFIED TAG. EVEN IF IT IS.

[Eggman continues to hover above them.]

And don't even THINK of trying to leave the city! I have eyes EVERYWHERE!!

[Goroh stands there, arms crossed.]

THAT'S IT. GET TO IT!

ONCE THE EXERCISE IS DONE, YOU WILL GET A PART OF

A GIGANTIC CHEESEBURGER!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[And then an arrow was shot at Ganondorf before Shinon emerged from a bush or something, looking pretty badass. This was probably an effort to save Rhys.]

[Too bad Ganondorf is inside a car and there is glass]

Hey, Goroh said no real weapons.

Shit. That glass stuff. [That was not badass Shinon. Not at all.]

What're you doing to Rhys?

Teaching him how to drive a car.

..you're coming with us.

What? No. No. I'm not going in one of those cars when Rhys is behind the wheel. I'd rather walk on the edge of a skyscraper, for Ashera's sake!

[Too bad because suddenly Shinnon is getting pushed in the back.]

Okay Rhys. Now...um...try punching the car or something.

Hey! What-- [And then he is shoved in the back seat. 8'( ]

What do I look like, an axe reaver? I can't punch the car...

Fffine

[Manly punch, car somehow starts]

Okay. I think I heard Lash mention something about the middle pedal being the gas and the left pedal being the brake.

[And then Ganondorf puts on the radio for some music]

Edited 2009-12-12 05:16 (UTC)

I... I don't even understand what you're talking about! Ganondorf, we're all going to die! We're all going to die if I drive this car! Ohhh....

*Good going. He's almost to the point of sobbing. He looks very very pale. :| You bastard how could you.*

[Shinon is now fuming.]

You bastard! Don't make him drive the bloody car!

[Suddenly! Brilliant idea!]

Okay, you drive then, bra.

[MAGICAL SWITCH!]

What huh- [He jerked around, examining the inside of the car from the new seat.]

...I don't know how to drive, you idiot! I've never even been in a car before!

Neither have I. Automatic that is. Usually there's an autopilot in the one I was in. mmmmm.

Anyway, just press the pedals, we'll figure it out.

I don't like this... I don't like this at all.

[Shinon sighed heavily.] Neither do I. Where are we supposed to be goin', anyways?

At this rate? The hospital might be a good start.

N-now wh-why would you ever suggest a p-place like... the hospital?

I was kidding.

But this is driver's Ed. We might as well try to learn driving.

[There was something in the archer that kind of made him want to try driving. Want to.] Whatever. So I just press the pedal down...?

[He pushed down on the middle pedal and unfortunately, the car was kind of a sensitive young virgin and pressing down half way sent it flying forward. Oh.]

HOLY SHIT!

[ablablablabla 8|;;;;;;;;;]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH SHINON AHHHHHHHHHHH

HOW DO YOU MAKE IT STOP I'M NOT PRESSING ANYTHING! [Shinon reached forward and flipped on the windshield wipers which screeched across the dry glass. How lovely.]

OH GODDESSES OH GODDESSES OH GODDESSES this is kinda of exciting OH GODDESSES

Re: ((City exploring time!))

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