smash_logs | Once I ran to you, now I run from you! Cupid Bots 2014!

Once I ran to you, now I run from you! Cupid Bots 2014!

Who: Everyone
What: Revenge of the Return of the Cupid Bots!
Where: Everywhere
When: February 14th
Warnings: H for Heartbreak

Every year this happened like clockwork. Those horrific little robot cherubs armed with hormone altering arrows were starting to appear on campus, carrying with them their 24 hour curse. Senior students and faculty knew these things all too well, and knew well enough to stay away from them. Newer students may have been warned about them. But would everyone be able to avoid these horrid little pranksters?

Anyone struck by their arrow would find themselves irresistibly attracted to the first person they saw. The effect was temporary, thankfully, lasting only 24 hours. But still, a lot can happen in 24 hours...

(Feel free to start your own threads for happenings! To random sign-ups: The crusher should probably start their threads, and the crushees should join them, but you're free to do it the other way. Have fun!)

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"Ssssure," she replied playfully, purring (purring?!?). "If that's a yes, I don't mind waiting a short while." She grinned at him, her fangs clearly more visible than usual. "Besides, I'm not going on a date with you looking like this! I need something a little more...suitable for sure."

Hmmm, maybe she should go get a present for him too. Let her Charizard instincts take over. Usually the males did the dance, but what's to say when the females wanted a man they didn't have their own methods?

"Should we meet up at your room? Or wait! How about...the school's rooftop?"

"Uh... Sure, I'll see you there soon," he said. "I've gotta get ready too, don't I? I'll meet you there!" he added, quickly excusing himself.

Okay. At least he had a few minutes to figure out what to do. He could NOT take advantage of this situation. He had to get Sasha off his back, but how to do that without inciting the rage of a fuckoff huge dargon... He needed answers. And he needed them fast. There was only one other person he could go to for this...

When he was free, he whipped out his phone and dialed Char's number.

Jolt was very lucky that Char picked up at all, but teammate ringtones were always ringtones that got answered. Especially on holidays that had a well-established pattern of turning everything ever into a chaotic clusterfuck. Somebody had to be the voice of logic and reason, after all, and clearly Char was very well-qualified to be just that.

"This better be good," said Char, who may or may not have been kidnapping princesses.

"Char, it's Jolt. I'm in some serious trouble now. I--"

He paused. "Is that a girl screaming obscenities I hear?"

"PUT ME DOWN OR I'LL SHOVE MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS!" Daisy shouted angrily.

"...Right. Anyway, you know those weird cupid bot things? Sasha got hit by one, and now she's expecting me to take her on a date. What the heck should I do?"

Go right ahead, Daisy. Char's pretty into that femdom stuff.

"Gotta love a girl who knows how to talk dirty," Char informed Jolt, though further remarks were cut short by the very earnest plea for help that his brother put in. You know, the "so your half-sister wants to do the cupidbot-induced do with your sorta-kinda adoptive brother, hope that's not weird and awful" one.

"Sasha? You? You're sure?" Char echoed, ever-so-helpfully.

"It's Valentines Day at Smash Academy," Jolt pointed out. "I wouldn't kid about this. She wants to meet me on the roof soon! What the hell should I do?!"

If it's any consolation, Jolt thinks this is weird too. Although not for the same reasons.

"Ew, no, don't do the roof! I don't want you stinkin' it up." It had taken aeons to get the Rayquaza smell off the roof. "In fact, not anywhere! Listen, Jolt, you absolutely can't go through with no date. I'm dead serious. I might have to kill the both of you."

He sort of didn't want to know the answer, but it was clearly important to know just how far gone the situation was. "Look, has she given you any dead things?"

"Not yet, no," he replied. "Look, I don't wanna do anything with her while she's not herself! But how do I get out of this so that she won't wanna tear my throat out with her teeth?"

"First of all, absolutely do not accept any presents. I don't care if she gives you a life-size sculpture made of bacon, you stay the absolute fuck away. Everything we do when we're burnin' for someone is all about provin' how strong and tough and good at huntin' we are, so don't let her impress you."

Though it was a little tricky, honestly, to think of a way to reject a Charizard that wouldn't lead to a fight. Just about everything Charizards did, as a general rule of thumb, lead to a fight. "I don't care what you tell her. Grab her by the horns if you gotta, just don't let her get all lovey-dovey!"

...The horns on her head, Jolt. Those ones.

As the explanation went on, they may have heard the sound of something getting louder and louder, until the full glory of a Charizard flying inside the school could be heard. Wings beating against the metal school lockers, knocking papers from the bulletin boards, it was only interrupted by the sound of a sickening splotch of something large being dropped on the floor next to Jolt's legs.

It was a uh...something from the forest. There was fur and pieces of meat and oh god so much blood. Thankfully she had yanked the entire head off, but it was no less gruesome. Raccoon maybe? From the tail, it at least looked like a raccoon.

"I wanted to give you an early present!" she said in her Charizard form, alien language except to other Pokemon (and Max), but altogether bubbly somehow. "I was on my way to the dorms when I ran into it, it's all for you!" Normally she wouldn't have even bothered with it, but she was trying to impress, right? The poor soul who found the head left outside near the parking lot too... It wasn't a student (she had asked! That's a good way to find out, right?). "See you soon!"

With her tiny little arms, she pointed two clawed fingers at him while clicking her tongue, winking before walking away, tail swishing back and forth.

A piece of the guts fell down from the animal and slid on Jolt's left foot.

Edited 2014-03-19 06:34 (UTC)

When Sasha left, Jolt raised his phone back to his ear. "Yeah, Char? Sasha just showed up and dropped a dead... something at my feet before taking off."

Edited 2014-03-19 19:45 (UTC)

The sound of Char's face meeting his palm could be heard over the phone.

"Maybe it ain't too late to skip town," he suggested helpfully.

Jolt sighed. "Yeah, you're a BIG help," he grumbled into the phone. "You go back to... whatever the heck you're doing. But if I get mauled by an angry dragon, it's on your head," he added, hanging up.

Okay, that was precisely zero help. Well, it was time to face the music. If he bolted, Sasha would come after him. The best he could do was go meet her and let her down as softly as he could. And if angry dargon became a thing, at least Jolt had type advantage on his side.

A few minutes later, Jolt arrived at the roof, having psyched himself up and mentally prepared himself for whatever Sasha could throw at him.

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Once I ran to you, now I run from you! Cupid Bots 2014!

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1/3

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3/3

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The understatement of the year

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