JINGLE BELL JINGLE BELL JINGLE BELL

[mansionstaff]

Who: YOU
What: SNOW
When: DECEMBER 7th
Where: EVERYWHERE
WHAT: SNOW (BONUS TREE DECORATING)

As a quiet Saturday dawned on the school's campus, one could perhaps...feel it in the air. A creeping chill, a silent, barely-detectable indication that yes. Tonight would be the night.



By Sunday morning, the entire academy would be covered in snow.

BUT WAIT



That wasn't all--a large pine tree had made an appearance on the main quad, in desperate need of decoration.

Comments

[heartofarapier]

For many moments, she sat with him there in silence. No outward judgment, because to be fair, she didn't know really how to proceed with that. There were a plethora of things that weren't taught in her etiquette training. Most of the situations with Connor were somewhat foreign and since she had never known, she had approached them with as much noble grace as she could muster. Even when she was angry or irritated with him, there still came a kind of eloquence that perhaps most people didn't possess.

She sat prim and proper, the way she did whenever she sat. The cold was still forgotten. Mostly. In the back of her mind, she knew there was a part of her that would have sidled right on over to Connor and tucked herself beneath a muscular arm. Hating him she could never do, and she knew that. And sometimes she'd wanted to hate him, for it would have made things easier. But that neither seemed appropriate or something she truly desired.

Lessons learned, right?

What will happen to me? She had to wonder. If things are as they are, what will I tell Ephraim? How will I deal with this? What can I do? I cannot be in Connor's life and protect my people. I cannot complete Connor's family, even with child, and protect my people. Duty and heart.

And she couldn't forget what she said to Gordon either, because it was everything she was supposed to say. I will always have to choose my people over Connor. And that stung. Not because she could so easily forgive him, for she couldn't, but because after all of the time that had passed, the young woman in her who wasn't the queen wasn't ready to be apart from him. Or ever would be, she wagered.

But he wasn't the only one with secrets, for she had her own, as well. And perhaps it was appropriate to be giving those out. "I trade you two things for the two things you gave to me," she began, careful to keep her gaze on the snow because she knew if she looked at him, she wouldn't be able to continue. "I kissed Kyogre. Over a calendar year ago. We were not then the way we are now. I suppose to be fair, he initiated it, but I didn't stop him. There is something about him that I do not know how to process. The way he treats me. How he speaks to me. How he looks at me. He isn't here now, and maybe he will not return, but I held onto that with a good deal of regret. Guilt, I suppose. For it felt like infidelity to me, even if only briefly."

[mohawk_tomahawk]

Thankfully, she did not look at him. Hopefully, she decided not to entirely.

He listened to her and felt his eyes dart away. Before then, he actually was looking at her, and gave her his undivided attention. His eyes furrowed in...anger? Anger, it felt like anger; and his mouth curled into what could only be some kind of disgust. He looked to the snow, before looking in the other direction for just a moment.

Why tell him that if it was over a calender year ago? The only reason he could think of was, No. His mind went into a world wide range of assumptions. Assumptions that might have not been true, but it was no different than the assumptions she made. No different at all.

"Do you...love him?" Connor responded, maybe a little darkly.

That was the only thing he could muster. He was angry. Connor never looked at another woman, not before or after. Was Kyogre on her mind whenever they kissed? When they touched each other? When they-

He almost felt sick. He was so angry, so angry. So hurt. He was so afraid to be judged and yet she held something like that for the sake of, what? His feelings? No, hers? Did she spare him of pain? Please, and she reminded him on some occasions that it was hard and perhaps impossible to stay in their relationship. Connor held on to the hope that they could, and he loved her like no one else. He looked at the ring she got for him, which he STILL wore, and he wanted to spout out so many things, call her a hypocrite. But he still tried to keep true to the things he did wrong, and he wanted to hear her out some more.

[heartofarapier]

It was because of hypocrisy that had her speak up to begin with. Had Connor voiced any of his concerns, surprisingly Eirika would have not only merely accepted them, she would have agreed with his sentiments. She wasn't proud of harbouring her own secrets, especially not the kinds that she thought had the potential to drive a wedge between her and Connor. They had worked so considerably hard to get to where they were.

"No."

It was a rather simple way to answer because there was nothing difficult about the situation. "Like him, yes. Admire him, yes. Love him, never."

Because I love you and I am not so incredible that I can divide my romantic love over many.

"I am not going to shell out excuses because I would find them meaningless." And then she did look over to him, "Most things, if not all, with you have been convoluted and perplexing. Not every situation that we have been in have I been absolutely positive that I wanted to be in them. Of all things, Connor, you have left me infinitely confused. Not about how I feel or what I think, but rather about what to do. What the right thing is to do. By you, by me, by Renais, by us. And I believe at the time, I was not certain, and like you, more than a little afraid of what the future might bring."

As she wove her hands together, "It is convenient to deliberately put up walls between us. To force us apart because of a fear that is likely to be realised, simply because one of us, or both of us, care not to face such a thing. Fear turns people into cowards. You and I are people of extraordinary will, but we are not invincible. I am not immune to fear. I am not immune to concern or conflict. We are both allowed to be cowards. We are still people, after all, full of flaws and imperfections, and disappointments."

[mohawk_tomahawk]

Connor should be feeling less angry, but he wasn't. He still wasn't really looking at her yet because his brain still couldn't quite get over it all quite yet. Connor knew he couldn't get so angry at her because he was so guilty of the same thing.

"So why tell me at all?" Connor still asked. "If you did not love him, why did it seem to bother you so highly when you shared a kiss with him?"

From how you speak of it, it sounds as if you had enjoyed it, he thought to himself, and nearly said it out loud. But he found himself shaking his head, he was feeling very perplexed. Regardless of what Eirika would have thought, he just simply sighed and continued. It didn't matter anymore, did it? He even raised his hand, as if saying Eirika didn't need to answer him at all.

It does not matter.

"There is much of what you say that holds true. I know as people we are bound to make mistakes. But betrayal was nothing I had intended to do, and I cannot claim to have made sense of everything that has happened. But I felt like I was wrong. That was what I set out here to hopefully do, I wanted to try to make my amends for my own hesitations and silence on matters that did impact you so greatly. Especially the...the child."

[heartofarapier]

She saw the way his hand lifted and without him even explaining knew what it meant. Not that she was completely keen on listening because his question deserved an answer and she certainly had one for him.

Aside from his own thoughts, which weren't completely wrong. Kyogre kissed her in a way that Connor never did and therefore it constantly stuck out in her memory. She never compared it—or tried not to—because the fact of the matter was that they were completely different people and that was what really mattered.

So when she did answer him, it was quiet and subtle. "I told you because I do not want to feel like I need to keep secrets from you. How can I be completely angry with you for you keeping things from me when I was doing the same? Even if the importance is not as great between the two situations..."

After a moment's consideration, she chose to move in closer to him. She didn't want to fight with him. Never really wanted to. Sometimes she liked seeing fight come out of him. Sometimes it was nice to see a more firm Connor instead of the sweet one who ever constantly wanted to take care of her. Some bite to go with his bark was nice. But not in moments like this.

With great care and a fair amount of hesitance, she reached over to set her hand upon his. "...Even that is true, then. I had partially hoped it was madness that had your tongue. Not that children are not a blessed tiding. Just... that I am unsure of how to handle it. It would have been easier to worm you into social graces. At least then it might have been a little more acceptable. At this point in time, I fear if I were to tell my brother, I would receive no shortage of chiding and I doubt very much I would be permitted to keep my son. Or daughter."

A pause. "...Our son or daughter."

[mohawk_tomahawk]

The thing with Kyogre was now the situation that was imprinted in his mind, Eirika liking being kissed by him and remembering it even when they kissed. That really bothered him, it bothered him a lot. It made him a little sick to his stomach, until he had to tell himself that he had to believe Eirika. He had to believe her.

There were plenty of people who might have been furious outright, but Connor couldn't make himself yell and carry on if he tried.

He just didn't want to. There was no point to it.

It still, though, bothered him. Connor didn't have to say it, if Eirika saw his face it was plainly there. Hurt, and confusion.

How should I feel now? Why is this so difficult?

There was it now, the child discussion. "I was truly not sure of what to do, or even if the child actually existed. All I have are Desmond's words, and that was so long ago. You seemed to be the same as always, so I did not know what to believe. I thought Desmond was even mistaken."

Connor actually tensed at the touch, and cringed a little again when her words continued. "I see. It is not fit for a princess to birth a child from my kind."

And yes, he said that rather darkly. Maybe Eirika knew those words hurt, he hoped it did. Even if Connor knew it was probably fact, it didn't really hurt any less. It was basically a spit in the face of his genes, and any offspring from his genes. Truth be told though, his people would not approve of his relationship either. He was fortunate the village accepted him at birth, probably. Accepted him, and loved him, considered him one of their own. Even when he was born from a Native and one of the white men.

He knew it all, he knew the pill he had to swallow. It was a difficult pill to swallow.

[heartofarapier]

Eirika shook her head. "'Kind' is not the word I would use. Social hierarchy, Ratonhnhakè:ton." She straightened her posture again and detecting that he had very little interest in having her close, Eirika distanced herself again. Wringing her hands together with thought, she wondered how to go about best explaining herself to him. Now she could dive into the thoughts that had plagued her beyond sentiments for an Assassin.

"Princesses are supposed to sire heirs for princes and other nobility. Not for sellswords," she continued. "I went into this knowing that. I also went into this knowing that I was to reserve my maidenhead for the man who would be my husband. Take that not to imply regret, for I did with you what I chose to. You are my heart and even when I say I feel I should divide us, it is not what I would truly want."

"I have tried to establish if there is anything within me that might have supported Desmond's theory. Aside from a plethora of things that I don't understand." The Animus. Ancestries. None of that made sense. "It is true that I have developed something of a fondness for fresh fruit. Not that I had none before, just mostly that I had a particular likeness and preference for it."

Yet as she thought, she could not stop herself from looking back over to him. "If I am... with child," Eirika began slowly, carefully, and with a degree of hesitance as she addressed the Native at her side, "...should you want it?" Her eyes held concern, that she couldn't voice, perhaps a little fear for herself as well. It was entirely new territory for them both, after all, and the only children she'd been around where those occasionally at the castle and Ewan.

In short, she questioned her ability to be a mother. Or to be a good one. If she could not save her kingdom, she wondered how she was to save a child.

[mohawk_tomahawk]

Nothing that she said wasn't untrue, he knew it. He knew now what it meant to be royalty. He knew all of us. Accepting it was a far different story. Putting such strain on her was his fault, wasn't it? Politically and emotionally, it was never easy from day one.

None of it changed the fact that he loved her, and that was selfish of him perhaps. Maybe he always knew that, maybe he didn't care. Maybe deep inside Eirika, she didn't care either; even though she wanted to care. Her want and her duty were at war with her, and Connor had the same dilemma. His Brotherhood, his ancestry, and his legacy were no easy things to swallow.

Yet, he had fallen in love, and continued to feel free when he was with her. Still, he could never give that up. He refused to. It didn't feel right to give it up.

Perhaps then the child was a testament to that, this is their legacy. This is what they have brought into the world. His baby, who could be a woman with her mother's beauty and intelligence. Or a son with his father's strength and intuition. Or a boy or a girl with all of the above. Who knew, but it was theirs and-

Connor, finally, turned to her and nearly went to grab a hand, but stopped himself. He hadn't meant to be jumpy earlier, and he didn't want to put any more pressure on Eirika. So he just looked at her and softly said, "Of course I would," Connor started off saying, that answer was obvious. "...but do you?"

[heartofarapier]

"Of course I would."

Was it relieving or terrifying to hear that? Eirika couldn't decide. At least not immediately. Their eyes met and she felt so much more transparent than she ever had in the past. And yet she didn't go running for the hills the way she expected herself to. There would be no point in such a thing and she knew that. Sometimes forward was the only way to go. Still, there was something surprising about his response.

He wanted her to keep it. He wanted his son. Or his daughter. Whatever it might have been, he wanted it.

That changed a lot of things, as well. If he hadn't, she could have found any number of ways to undo it. Especially in a world with as many advancements as the current one had. Leaning onto the palm of her right hand, she toyed with the necklaces that adorned her neck as she eyed him, as if trying to find something she wasn't going to ask for.

"I think I can, if you are still here," she replied. "If I was alone, I don't think I could handle it. I don't know what will happen in our future, you see. Yet I would think it best to be in your homestead. That is the kind of world I would prefer him or her to grow up in. So when it is that time... will you take me to your home?"

I will have to keep a secret, after all, and not merely for his sake. But for mine as well.