ffffooootbaaaaaallllll

[raced_god]

Who: Falcon, Max, and YOU. New team members, old team members. Lurkers. Cheerleaders?
What: FOOZEBALL TRYOUTS
When: BACKDATED Friday, September 27th.
Where: The football field.
Warnings: Whoooo even knows.

[It is a BEAUTIFUL late September evening. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the pants were dead the football field is clear, except for various equipment and crates of SPORTING GOODS.

Falcon and Max are already there, probably trying to out-man each other. Look at them. They are beautiful.]



[At six PM sharp, Falcon gathers the group together with a blow of the whistle.]

All right, ladies, listen up.

If you've played before, you probably know what's going on. But for the new guys--hi. Welcome. Obviously, if you're here, you want to be on the team, and you're going to have to show me that you deserve that spot.

Before we start, I want to go over a few things. I'm Falcon, your coach, if you don't know me. To my right is my assistant coach, Max, who I'm sure most of you already know. And he knows what he's doing, so listen to him.

Leave your personal vendettas at the door. Foul play will get you a one-way ticket out of here. I don't need jackasses and poor sports on this team. Old players? I don't want to see any slacking off. You guys are supposed to be the example.

What we're going to do today is easy. Football is all about power, speed, and teamwork, with emphasis on the teamwork. No one here is a star player, so don't act like one. Everyone just show me the best you've got.

We'll start with a warm up. I want everyone to get stretched out and introduce yourselves, especially if you're new. After that, we'll run a few laps.

[He gestures to the crates, then folds his arms in his best attempt to look authoritative.]

If you don't have gear, it's been provided. If you need help getting suited up, let one of us know. If we have time, I'll separate you guys into two teams and we'll have a scrimmage. Sound good?

Comments

[bluetanker]

Yeah, but think how much more you could set stuff on fire if it happened again.

[raced_god]

It was traumatizing, Max.

[tank_rockarms]

But by the second time you know how it works and so you know how to roll with it.

[raced_god]

It was traumatizing, Max.

[tank_rockarms]

I ain't sayin' that it's the same thing, but dealin' with erections you don't want for three years is kinda traumatic, but you learn how to live with it.

[raced_god]

I used to set bedsheets on fire.

[tank_rockarms]

So, like, a wet dream that sets the bed on fire? Is that what you're sayin'?

[raced_god]

No! No. Nothing like that.

[tank_rockarms]

So you set the sheets on fire just... not in the middle of a wet dream.

[raced_god]

Sex, Max.

[tank_rockarms]

OH. OH. Oh wow. You didn't set her on fire, did you?

[raced_god]

No. Nooooo. No.

[tank_rockarms]

Oh okay, good.

I mean, did you set the bed on fire when you jerked off, too, or just when you had sex?

[raced_god]

...Are we really having this conversation?

[tank_rockarms]

What, I'm curious. I'm tryin' to figure out what this would do for a regular 15-year-old.

[raced_god]

When I was younger, I couldn't really control it. It'd happen when I was really emotional or under a lot of stress.

[tank_rockarms]

Oh, well, then maybe you havin' more puberties wouldn't make it worse, once you'd learned how to control it. Willpower and all that.

[raced_god]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure multiple puberties would not have gone over well with me.

[tank_rockarms]

Alright, if you say so.