The Match You Never Dreamed of: Russian Electrobear vs. Filthy Inventionlad: A Rope Made of Sand

[notstevejobs]

Who: Apple Kid, Volgin, Spectators
What: A sparring match
Where: The Stadium
When: Futuredated to Thurs. Feb. 2nd
Warnings: As this thread involves Volgin, it will involve violence and swearing and rubber suits. The addition of Apple Kid invokes none of these.



Apple Kid was signed up for this tournament thing. He wasn't even aware that he was in Smash Fundamentals (he wasn't). But somehow his name had appeared on the signup sheet. Was this a trick? Had someone played an awful joke on our rotund hero? Someone who didn't like smells or inventions, probably. He was an NPC, therefore he wasn't supposed to fight.

But he was registered, and it seemed wrong to not go along with the whole ordeal. He'd spent a week trying to invent things that might be useful in his battle. Of course, useful in his own mind... So who knows if anyone else in the world would consider them useful. But here he was. Strange things poked out of his pockets; his mouse had left and been replaced with sundry articles, the purpose of which only Apple Kid could divine.

He stood around and waited for whatever was to come his way. The day was likely to be memorable.

Comments

[notstevejobs]

Apple Kid reached out and gave Volgin a hug.

It was like hugging a teddy bear made out of warm cookies.

"Let's talk about how you feel."

[colonelcrotchgrab]

Volgin flared his electricity, which would have killed (and has killed) many a man. It was instead the tickle of the soothing ocean waves across the soft sands.

"I thought this was a fight," spat the angered Soviet, completely unable to act on his rage. He really hoped not as many were watching as he thought.

Oh yeah, that hug also... also bothered him. Consider Apple Kid shoved away, like soft, fluffy cupcakes fresh from the oven.

[majorcrotchgrab]

What the fuck was this fight. Raikov just couldn't believe his eyes. This was the most ridiculous thing he had ever seen. Volgin's strength and powers were totally useless, so what could he use...?

...

"/Try tickling him!/" Raikov shouted (in their native language) from the grand stands.

[monotreme_101]

Whereas Knuckles was laughing his fuzzy red ass off.

"Oh man... I shoulda guessed he'd do something like this! It's just... so Apple Kid! Hahaha! Best EVER!"

[tank_rockarms]

Meanwhile, from his Maxpoint, Max was just staring in disbelief.

"I don't understand none of this."

[notstevejobs]

The music coming from Apple Kid's shoes swelled to a beautiful crescendo of passion.

"I use my inventions to promote peace and unity," said Apple Kid.

"It didn't seem right that we might get hurt."

[colonelcrotchgrab]

Oh. Volgin gave Raikov a glance, before making a sort of face. That was an idea.

He looked down at Apple Kid, over the... beautiful, yadda-yadda. Anger had somewhat dampened his ability to appreciate classical music right now.

But he knelt to Apple Kid's level.

"You have the wrong idea."

Then, he was viciously tickled. Around the armpits, along the sides, anything to get the kid going. Because if there was not going to be blood flowing, something else could instead.

[notstevejobs]

The effect was, well, let's just say that Volgin had better be wearing gloves, because if not his hands are now covered with mystery grime.

But the other effect was that with Volgin's giant hands, as soft as pussy willows and silk, were quite effective in making Apple Kid laugh.

Apple Kid's shoes did not permit him to fall over, otherwise he would have. He would have been Rolling On the Floor Laughing.

[colonelcrotchgrab]

Volgin was trying to go for Laughing His Ass Off then, protective layer of grime be damned. Piles of Polish soldiers and other unfortunate captives later, a little mysterious boy-grime could... hardly...

... phase him.

Let's focus on this match, Volgin swiftly thought, keeping to his tickling assault.

I suppose it's a good thing he's not wearing LOLerskates

[notstevejobs]

Apple Kid was giggling like a schoolgirl given over to giggling.

But this was going nowhere.

"Mr. Volgin!" Apple Kid gasped out between froths of laughter. "I don't want to hurt you. Please stop!"

[colonelcrotchgrab]

"Try to hurt me!" bellowed the Very Evil Soviet Muscle Man Who Was Tickling Rather Vigorously.

[notstevejobs]

You poor creature.

With a look of supreme pity, Apple Kid gazed up into your face.

Have you seen pity before, Volgin? Have you seen someone concerned for your well being who wasn't also having intimate personal relations with you?

That hug he gave you wasn't merely a hug. There is a tiny device stuck to your back with a bit of old chewing gum: Apple Kid's patented (patent-pending) Battery Drainer: A Drain for Batteries.

Really, as your hands were tickling this rotund lump of flesh, it was a bit of a miracle you hadn't already accidentally hit the remote control, which he had implanted into one of the buttons on his overalls. A subtle shift from Apple Kid, however, a gentle rolling motion to one side, and your wretched man-mitts would be in prime button pushing position.

You would be the author of your own destruction.

[colonelcrotchgrab]

Not many people and things had been terribly concerned for his well being. No one came back with a face like a skillet accident after such a time in a tender, caring environment. Except the unlucky.

Volgin had always considered himself the opposite.

So, his fingers triggered. It was a good jab, as red giant had still a long way to go to be gentle with his hands in tickling affairs, but the device was well on its way to ensuring the old Soviet's end.

To his dignity.

Whatever was of it, anyway.

[notstevejobs]

There was a little flash of light, which quickly swelled to something much, much brighter. Blindingly so.

Apple Kid knew to shut his eyes. Also, Volgin was between him and the device, so he was sheltered.

Anyone else, however, got an eyeful that lasted about two seconds before it browned out.