Netiquette is Not Supposed To Work Like That: Welcome To World 8 Rules

[ihateplumbers]

Who: Bowser and Students and Targets
What: Bowser teaches 'etiquette' but really it's not
Where: The Etiquette Classroom -- Now With Koopa Troop Laptops
When: Tuesday, Sept. 23rd.
Warnings: Literal Internet Trolling

A new semester, a new chance to learn about deportment at home and abroad, with your ever-gracious host, Bowser Koopa XIV.


And so, after a lengthy lecture based off of a 1995-era internet netiquette document, Bowser turned to his class. He stepped down off of his lecture dais (of course he stood up on a dais to lecture to people) and gestured to the laptops with turtle-shell designs on the backs of them.

"We're all aware of how important it is to know how to use correct internet 'netiquette' rules when composing emails or instant messages or text messages or video messages or voice messages or insert-word-here messages when on the internet. But I feel that the best way to gauge how well you know what those rules are is by being able to spot what you should not do. A Reverse-Psychology approach, if you will."

He coughed, then continued. "The laptops in front of you have been specially designed to send messages to volunteers who will pretend to be innocent, unsuspecting internet-citizens. Your task will be to send messages that attempt to break the rules of netiquette, and later, I will find out from those people you sent messages to how successful you were."

He walks over to a laptop and picks it up with one claw, and looks at it casually. "Don't worry, everyone is being assigned a special email address, tied to each individual laptop. And you won't know who is sending you any responses you may receive back; it will be censored out, so you won't have to worry about who is or isn't one of my volunteers. I have dozens of minions here with me."

Not that those two statements have anything to do with each other, but let's just pretend that they do.

"I'll be grading you all based off of the reports I get back from the volunteers, so make sure you do a good job."

He put the laptop back down on the table, and smiled at the class. "You may begin, and select Volunteer A, B, C, or D. Try contacting two or three, if you have time."

[SPECIAL NOTES:

- The volunteers are not actually volunteers at all. They are people Bowser hates whom he thinks will be easy targets. Whoops. Mario, Ishimaru, Hajime and Pit. Special Hajime note: Because he's a robo-racist, he's less trollable than the others, but 1. Bowser doesn't know that, and 2. Neither do your characters. Just be aware of that.
- The emails tied to each laptop are randomly generated but follow a pattern. They all seem like really bad email addresses that one of the other victims might have. Examples include birdboy420@angelworld.org, malecheerleader69@enthusiasm.tv, pastalover666@spaghetti.biz, aznboieyebrowz1999@hallwayz.mobi and so on. Feel free to come up with your own for the poor person that receives your trolling.
- Thanks to a magical computer virus that is activated by just opening the email, all emails sent to the unwitting targets must be responded to.
- All emails sent back will have XXXXXX in place of any identifying information. They're being pre-censored for you. So XXXXXXXX@XXXXXX in the header and XXXXXX XXXXXX instead of Hajime Tanaka in the signature.
- This is a lesson in trolling but if this turns into racist youtube comments levels of trolling, I'ma shut you down. I trust you all. But I'm saying it anyway.]

Comments

Attendance / Questions

[ihateplumbers]

Re: Attendance / Questions

[punchtheflute]

[Yaaaaay for Bowser! Yaaaaaay! Best boss-slash-teacher ever!]

Re: Attendance / Questions

[ihateplumbers]

::All of these things are true.::

Re: Attendance / Questions

[welikeike]

[Ike signed up for this class willingly because he had a bit of trouble with this particular subject. Royal courts weren't very forgiving.

For now, we find him oblivious to Bowser's ill intentions. And totally willing to play along if it means learning something.]

Re: Attendance / Questions

[ihateplumbers]

::You actually do learn things in this class, somehow. It's amazing. You should be grateful.::

Re: Attendance / Questions

[voltecpower]

[Pulse was present and he was confused. He has to be rude to someone? On purpose? To show that he knows how to be nice? Illogical. But this was a teacher, albeit the individual he was unaware of being the one truly responsible for the magical-dandruff-in-the-flour thing that Pulse still felt personally guilty for, and as far as Pulse knew, he was able to trust him. Even though he was a large unsightly spiky reptile who looked as though he would eat you just as soon as look at you.]

Re: Attendance / Questions

[ihateplumbers]

::And you stay that way, electro-child. Trusting and docile, like an electric sheep.::

Re: Attendance / Questions

[fakespeech]

[Here's a shadow blob in your class

He doesn't even have a clue of how a class works but he can already expect fun things out of this.]

Re: Attendance / Questions

[ihateplumbers]

::What are you. Seriously, what are you.::

Volunteer A - Mario Mario

[ihateplumbers]

Sonny is literally the worst troll.

[punchtheflute]

Dear n00b.

=)

I hope you have a good day, butt.
Love from,
Xxxxx Xxx

[provolone_ranger]

[What are all these words and what do they even mean?]

Thank you? I'm not a butt, I'm Xxxxx.

You have a good day, too.

[punchtheflute]

Dear Butt.

Yes you are!

So, what are you up to today? I'm looking forward to lunch.

Sincerely,
Xxxxx Xxx

PS: YOUR MOM!

Volunteer B - Hajime Tanaka

[ihateplumbers]

[fakespeech]

hi loser!

lets play a game! a game of who stinks the most!

youve already lost because youre the stinkiest!

[inspirethefire]

game [geym] n.

a competitive activity involving skill, chance, or endurance on the part of two or more persons who play according to a set of rules, usually for their own amusement or for that of spectators.

[fakespeech]

wow dictionary sentence

CONGRATULATIONS YOU CAN READ!!

kinda boring if u ask me maybe thats why you smell

Volunteer C - Pit Pit

[ihateplumbers]

Let's go with the last person Pulse would want to insult.

[voltecpower]

YOUR BRAWLING SKILLS ARE INADEQUATE.

:)

[He literally had to put his other hand on top of the hand positioned over the Send button and force it down.]

[raw_angel_power]

[WHAT. What kind of jerk sent him this? He has to use text-to-voice features to even read his e-mails, and voice-to-text to generate replies.]

No I got an A+ in smash fun dalmations so wipe that passive aggressive smile off your email unless you're asking me out on a date at the stadium

I'll gladly take you out

;)

[voltecpower]

[Eep, that sounded really aggressive... But Mr. Bowser did say they were just pretending...

Ugh...

This assignment didn't make much sense. Pulse had a strong urge to just close the laptop and walk away. But then a lot of stuff in the real world didn't make much sense, so maybe he just needed to roll with it. After all, this was an assignment from a teacher, and he came here to learn.]

NO U.

[...Pulse, you suck.]

Volunteer D - Kiyotaka Ishimaru

[ihateplumbers]

[welikeike]

[OKAY... This was a strange way to test etiquette- erm, netiquette- but Ike knew he had a way with acting out of line. Like a talent. Maybe this would be easy. So he'd start with volunteer D. What not to do...(Who in their right mind would volunteer for such a thing?)]

You were out practicing recently, right? Your form is terrible. You'll never get anywhere at that rate. If you're going to keep training like you've never taken a proper step with your back straight, you're going to get yourself killed. It's almost as though you want to die.

[Mist would get pretty upset if he said something like that to her. Boyd, too.]

[forgetbeam]

[Ah, he hasn't dreamed about middle school in a while--

WAIT, NO, THIS IS REAL LIFE. What the--?!]

Who is this?

[Because whoever it is will definitely give a clear and honest answer so he can get to the bottom of this and end it.]

[welikeike]

Xxx. Quit avoiding the point.

[Only after he sent the message did Ike consider that he shouldn't disclose his identity. Luckily, the censor caught that for him. Thanks, censor.]