smash_logs | (no subject)

The sole purpose of this was because he spent the last while seeing how the studies were wearing her down. Or her wearing herself down. He was kind of wondering how to deal with any of this.

He did...just jump into this, didn't he. The suddenness catching up to him.

He had to plan, he had no idea what to make of himself now that he decided to go this far. He cared for her, really did. Adored her. Admired her, for who she was. A beacon of hope...he was sure her people referred that to her. As a real regal princess would be, he assume.

But his talk with Isabelle proved to make him more concerned about her state. Connor was not much for idle chit chat and random outings for personal enjoyment, but there was purpose here. And Connor reacted well to purpose. If he can find some sense in himself, perhaps he can rally and give Eirika a lesser burden. That's what he wanted this moment. That was harder said than done.

Much harder, seriously how. So as he saw the outside and the apples in the woods far off...he just hatched the idea. Hoping it worked. Maybe he was winging it again. He picked apples and placed them in the basket.

"Do you not like apples? I am certain either I or you might enjoy them...or perhaps the students and staff. I am amazed I do not see more people here for that. Perhaps spread the word that the fruit is becoming in season."

"I never said I didn't," she replied rather quickly, just so he wouldn't get the wrong impression. And at least it meant she was listening, which she always appeared to do. At least she always heard him, but how much of it stayed with her remained to be seen. That was the issue with having so many things on her mind, after all. It meant getting caught up in them, even when she wasn't keen on it.

"I just thought the invitation seemed rather... As if you had a specific reason. I thought maybe you were planning on having a pie made or apple tart-" Eirika paused and she leaned over a little closer, just to get a better look at him. "This had better not be a sly way of having me work on my baking skills again. Suppose I start a fire in Princess Peach's class." She shook her head at him, "That would be such an atrocity."

But she had a feeling there might have been something more to it, for if Connor had wanted her to work on something like that, he would have just said so.

Connor wasn't huge on sweets, maybe took to fruits and veggies. Like carrots, and yes...apples.

He took a gala apple and looked it over. Maybe smirking.

"I do not know my way around a modern kitchen to know how to make such a thing to begin with. Most of my meals are made on an open flame out here from what I can salvage from the earth as well as the fauna."

And he...knew better than to, uh, try your cooking. Sorry. Shudder. He knew Peach was the cooking teacher, and might have smelled things of either good or bad things coming from there. Perk of his job.

He picked another gala.

"Would it be unwise to say that maybe perhaps I also noticed you having been overexerting yourself again? If the situation had called for it, perhaps I am becoming too sentimental lately and wish...to spend a slight moment taking this place in for an evening. Then maybe it could liven up your spirits..."

Actually, I thought you expected me to make something like that. This could all have been for practise. Gather forty apples or so and I'm bound to eventually make something properly.

But she thought it all and didn't dare say a word of it as she eyed him. Probably because the whole making him anything other than heartfelt paintings seemed ridiculously pointless. Wouldn't have been if she'd thought she could make something of more worth. Knowing Connor, however, he was content with the bare minimum where she was concerned, as long as she continued pressing onward.

She wasn't allowed to surrender.

Eirika lifted her basket for him, with the intent to make it a little easier for him. The height difference wasn't terribly huge, but enough to make a difference in her opinion, so there was no sense in making him lean down to put anything away. And she opted for offering her free hand, so she might put aside anything he'd picked.

"Would it be unwise to say that maybe perhaps I also noticed you having been overexerting yourself again?"

He was watching her again. And she knew he was doing it more often because she'd not spent much time in speaking with him, or looking for excuses to see him. Nothing personal against him. Just personal things with her. Her burdens. Her weight. Her thoughts. He had his own and she doubted he shared them with her, so why should she have with him? And she knew she was supposed to be working on being more... open with him.

"I'm not sleeping during my work any longer," she clarified for him. "I did not mean to worry you. I have just felt it better to keep myself preoccupied, if possible. Give myself plenty to do, so I have no time to stop and think."

"The mind is capable of tiring," he said with a shake of his head. Even he knew that. A clouded mind was not a good working one...he did believe that.

"When it tires like the human body, it stops working like it should. I admire that you push yourself, but a little rest would benefit your work."

Because he knew what she could mean. No time to stop and think. About the past. Also, the only reason he hadn't loaded on all his burdens was either they were strict coded secrets...or things he found it simply hard to speak of. Connor never kept secrets for manipulation.

She couldn't argue it because he wasn't wrong and she... knew he was right. So she pursed her lips in something of a childish form, as if she was on the edge of a tantrum and just giving in for the sake of giving in. Except she still knew he was right, so after a moment, she sighed, as some form of conceding to his very valid point.

"I heed you," she nodded with some reluctance finally. "I am unsure of what to do with myself if I am not working on something. There are many things that require my attention. I do not think I should be permitted to rest, if I... am to be honest to you." Which of course she didn't wish to be. But he deserved it, did he not? He was fretting and she couldn't imagine that he enjoyed seeing her in such a way.

That was the silliest thing he ever heard. Even he rested. Just, whenever he did he tried to not think about things. It made it easier to sleep that.

"Nonsense, anyone needs to be allowed to rest. Even brief," he looked at her as he continued. "I even rest."

I have not really earned that.

One more thing she knew she couldn't very well say to him. So she opted for something else, something more diplomatic because she knew if it was up to her, she'd not listen to begin with. "If it is what you want, then it is what I will do." And that was partial regal bearing in combination with what she seemed to think a lady would say to her knight.

But just because she was giving in didn't mean she needed to look particularly pleased by it.

...

Sigh. There he went. Again. He did something...wrong. He could tell. He just could.

"I apologize..." Connor spoke again. "I should not have acted so brazen with my concerns."

At first she almost spoke without a moment's hesitance. And rather than to do any such thing, she reached for an apple he'd picked and she... threw it at him. Not hard by any means, but just enough to get his attention.

"I wish you would stop that," Eirika began. "Apologising for this or for that. Do you somehow think you are not allowed to tell me these things? Talk to me as if I am a woman, not as if I am a princess. Talk to me as if I am the woman you are courting. For the gods know if you didn't give me your opinion, I would continue along whatever pathway I'd deemed."

Then she tipped her head, "And to be fair, I am very well aware that I do not have to listen to anything you say." After a moment's consideration, she softened, "I take your opinions very seriously, Connor. If you are worried about me, then it is for a good reason and I know that. I am frustrated because I do not know what I would do if I were to rest. Resting implies I should do something I enjoy and I feel as if I am committing some great felony if I even smile. How am I to enjoy myself?"

She shook her head, "...I... don't know. I'm not sure how to talk about this with you. I feel as if next to you, I am very... As if I should be as great as you. And I wish that I were, because I don't believe I am."

Edited 2013-09-27 03:18 (UTC)

"I do not mean to demean you, I fear that I may with my concerns. Because, I am," he simply said. Though honestly, taken aback for a moment when the apple hit him. It didn't hurt, but it shot him up. Sure did bring him some attention. Jeez, and he didn't expect it either.

He just didn't know how to handle himself with much grace in this situation, and perhaps Eirika was better at that too.

He knew when to be humble, however.

"I feel you have too many burdens keeping you from finding peace and solace. This place is now at peace, and perhaps...especially with our battle to keep protecting this place from Eggman, it might not last long. I worry...that you may be driving yourself deeper into turmoil, I do not wish for that to happen."

She did listen when he spoke up again. Attentively, at that. She was quiet, a little more prim, but all the more interested in what he had to say. And she had to take everything he said seriously, because he wasn't really wrong. She wanted to say she wasn't experiencing any turmoil. She wanted to say that she wasn't hurting. And she couldn't. And she knew that she couldn't, so she never bothered to refute anything he was claiming.

"I'm trying not to," she admitted. "I am... fretting a lot. I trust that anything here can be handled, will be appropriately. Gods know if I fail, you or Gordon can easily pick up where I'm inadequate." And that was what it was, because when she said it, it'd seemed she just didn't have a word for it. Until the moment she'd said it anyway.

"That's what it is," Eirika began with a nod. "I feel inadequate. And I feel that if I'm inadequate here, how can I be the leader that my people need me to be? Maybe I can't be. True, that I think my brother is better fit for the throne, but what if he should die while I'm here? There is no other heir to Renais. I have no remaining family after him. I'm... terrified. And I have to pretend that I'm not because people are looking at me. I am not allowed to be weak and I must not be."

As much as he disagreed with everything, he stopped. Took a breath. He can input as much as he wanted. He just wanted to ask some more questions.

"Then tell me," he started. "How would you define 'strength'? What does 'strength' mean to you?"

And she couldn't answer that either. For as much as she wanted to give some convoluted explanation, she... wasn't able to. Instead, she laughed, in that so embarrassed and sheepish manner.

"I don't know," Eirika confessed as she lifted her shoulders in a shrug. "I have no idea. Whatever you are. Whatever my brother is. Whatever Innes is. And I'm only supposed to be myself, not you, not Ephraim, not Innes."

"I sound foolish," she further continued as she lifted her eyebrows. "We should not be talking about this."

Amused, maybe a little. But now he saw a small piece of the problem, a problem maybe...maybe he could help. He crossed his arms, not in any sarcastic manner, but merely out of habit. He kept his eyes on her as he even leaned on a nearby tree, picking another apple while he was at it. He was going to talk about.

"There are those...that would say that 'strength' mean prowess on the battlefield. In a measly fight. Some may say, it is how you could lead troops and not using your body but the mind. I think..." Connor looked at her even more square.

"To me, 'strength' is your will. Do you want to lead your people? Do your people and those close to you matter the most? Would you be willing to face challenges, whatever may be, if it meant achieving what you seek? Many idealists who have their voices in the masses, get there because of will. They have passion. With that, there will be people who will see, and would follow you. Because you want to act, and do so much because that is what you truly want. If you faltered, it would not be because you are 'weak'. It is because...you face a challenge, not because you are a failure."

He stared at the apple.

"You see me as someone with great strength. It is only because I fight. I keep fighting, even when I wound. Because I want to achieve what I feel must be done, for the sake of whom I consider important. Through all the battles and challenges I faced, none would have won if I had not had the will first. Through my years, I have seen people who suffer and then pick themselves up and solve their problems. Help others. Some were soldiers. Some were not."

Edited 2013-09-27 04:02 (UTC)

Listening to him reminded her of their differences in years. Connor had much more world experience than her. But she was... in many ways still something of a child, regardless of whether he chose to acknowledge that or not. She was the princess who up until some months before the academy had a life of mostly luxury. She hardly knew anything about the rapier that had kept her guarded, and to be fair, the rapier was a gift from Seth when Renais fell. In the event that he died, so she might keep herself alive.

Because she was always supposed to live. The children of King Fado could not die. Worrying about Ephraim was all well and good, but the man so clever he didn't need her concern. But did she worry so much about others that she forgot to worry about herself? That she didn't think she was worthy of it? But just Seth's reminder rang through her ears when she was listening. And she wondered minutely if perhaps by closing up so easily, if that was what Connor was implying.

Was she weak because she wouldn't be like him and just fight? She hated fighting. She despised it. She couldn't condone of it. She wanted to find another way. She always wanted to find another way. And at the same time, there were people she wanted to see so thoroughly ruled by a sword, that she felt very hypocritical. So while she understood Connor and she could see where he was coming from, she felt very confused about herself. More questions than answers.

"Ah... I..." And she hesitated, because she felt... well. A little humiliated, in the event that his implication was accurate. Taking a deep breath, she found her hands waving against each other over the handle of the basket. "...I will try harder."

And you made sure he wasn't done. He wasn't done now. You gave him more things to say.

"Try harder to not doubt yourself so, see yourself as something small and insignificant like you have been."

He furrowed his brow.

"...For I think the academy owes you a great deal. Without your spark, none would have fought. You were the one who was brave enough to speak against what most were afraid to do. Maybe no one has said this to you, so it is due. You took the first action, and brought the rat out of his hole. He had not paid fully for what he had done but he will...in time. I promised that to you already, and it still stands."

He softened.

"You have...an incredible will. So that, to me, means you have remarkable strength."

She was not accustomed to hearing... such praise, and it showed in her expression when he continued. In a way, it was both enlightening, and incredibly painful. True, that the war had been won. But she also thought Connor found strength in her compassion, where she had been repetitively reminded that her behaviour and the implication of sacrificing herself for one of her people would ultimately result in a mass ill consequence for her kingdom. Strength in compassion, certainly, but she could not protect her people if she could not protect herself.

And she remembered the promise she made to Connor. That she would not put herself in danger in such a way again. Not so much for him, though much of it was for his peace of mind, but for Gordon's sake, and for Mary's as well. She could not protect Mary if she could not protect herself.

"I... am unsure of what to say," she replied quietly. "I apologise if it seems as if I'm..." What could she say? How to follow something like that up? "...Thank you." That seemed like a better way to respond other than the otherwise flustered mess he'd reduced her to.

...Wow, he had been...talking a lot. Connor was now more amused at himself. He hadn't spoke so much to have Eirika speak so little before. He actually flustered her...and not the other way around.

Was that a good thing? Or...?

"I do not mind...though I suppose for once the tables have turned."

It was better when he wasn't drawing attention onto it. Eirika was born for speaking. She had the diplomatic tongue. She had the charisma. She had the way of carrying herself. And once upon a time she had scolded herself for being so easily silenced by a mere man. Because at the time, Connor had been a mere man, not the same one of import that he was in the present moment.

Would that I could to be a little more graceful in front of you. As if to say I have this portrait in my head of what an ideal woman for you would be like, she thought as she looked at him. I think she would be more like you. We are very different, Connor, and yet we share many ideals.

Or maybe it was the idea that royalty still separated them both. Even though she had said she only wanted them to be Connor and Eirika.

"You've done that a lot recently," Eirika admitted gently. "But I suppose that's because I haven't been particularly... myself." Her head tipped and she eyed one of the apples he'd picked before finally moving to help him. Reaching up and finding herself a couple of inches too small, she finally looked up to him.

"...Would you, please?"

Was Eirika trying too hard? How hard must it have been to be the kind of woman Eirika was, he wondered lately. Take so much responsibility for everyone, publically he imagined. Then turn around, and have to act like a wall.

But...that was Connor too.

No...there was a lot here he still didn't understand. He didn't understand all of royalty simply because he wasn't one. He just knew responsibility, the desire to protect, and the guilt associated with actions.

No again, Connor could not see her as a princess. Not here, and he said he wouldn't ever. They were equals and there was so much they shared. But he knew also, within those lines there would be much they disagreed on. That was how people were, right? It takes two opinions to make amends and make change, forge something. No one thought the same.

In the end, Connor just knew he cared. He cared a lot. There was much to the woman that Eirika was. It confused him, but it...made him curious. Perhaps that was the reason why he wanted in her company a lot lately as well.

He wanted...he wanted company. Her company.

Eirika now stood closer and he realized she was yet still a bit shorter. When she asked to have him help, he was confused all over. Eirika normally would not ask him for help.

So in turn, he was so...touched in some weird way that she asked for it. How dumb, over an apple. He reached up to carefully take the apple. As much as he could put it in the basket, he actually placed it gently in her hand.

There was something about the very motion of it. Something that caught her attention plainly. For even when he gave her the apple, she felt such a prominent... tightening of her chest, something akin to the night they were at Prom together. The night he told her he had something to give to her. The night she realised how she was beginning to feel. To think it had strengthened so over time, that she was more willing to accept it now.

Sort of. It was still hard.

"Come here," she followed it up with softly, motioning with her free hand, that he might lean down to her. "...Please."

Manners weren't lost on her.

...This moment was familiar. To be frank, his chest was tightening just as much. But of course, the look of the matter was Connor simply...obeying the request. Because it was the right thing to do. He got closer.

He didn't know....why but. He. Did. So.

Yyyyeah.

He must have trusted her, for when he did as she requested, she almost did nothing at all. But to have done so would have implied that she'd meant to tease him only. One good turn deserved another and yet again, she had nothing to give him in return. So when he did close the distance between them, she leaned up to the best of her ability. After putting the apple he'd given into the basket with the others, she used her hand to support herself against him and set a kiss to his cheek.

"Thank you," she said. "Again."

For it seemed so simple to him, but what it really was, was a reminder to her that this was how things were now. He was there to help her and she was to ask him when she needed it. She needed to remember that and she needed to not let him feel worthless, if she could help it.

When Eirika first kissed him...Connor inwardly rejected it. Because he just couldn't comprehend it. He wasn't sure if he could. Or deserved it. Prom. He kept thinking about the gala. He had given her a gift, and then she kissed him because it was something she did in return. A touched sentiment.

Was this...like that?

Did he do something that helped ease her inner wounds? Make her happy? Had he really? He wished he did. He can only wish for that.

His inner thoughts had him accidently press his forehead onto hers again, lost in his own overwhelmed heart. His face now feeling like it was burning. What could he do that didn't make him look like such a fool? He already did.

Oh. He was... blushing. She couldn't see it very well (who was she kidding; she couldn't see it at all), but there was something about being that close to him that sort of implied it. Sort of.

Blatantly she found herself pausing, hand against his chest, the other still occupied with her basket. In a way, it made her think of the hospital because they'd... stood like that for a really long time, perfectly content just to be near one another. It was the first and only time she'd ever felt like that and it was so incredibly... intimate that the memory struck her incredibly hard.

So after a moment's consideration, her hand relaxed and used her grasp on his robes to draw him just a bit closer. Without disrupting him too much, anyway.

What should I do? What was appropriate?

Connor asked that over and over, even when pulled in.

He.

He loved her.

No seriously. He loved her.

He...loved her.

This was perfect. Just like the moment in the hospital. His feelings were coming way ahead of him. This was how he knew he liked it, because he felt the happiest like this. When he could just look at her eyes and see the gentle, loving woman he had grown so close to. Ally first...then to court.

He loved her and he wanted her happy.

They were in close enough proximity, hopefully the apples were to be fine.

"Eirika," he finally said after a moment, softly. "Are you...are you happy like this?"

She wasn't sure what she was actually thinking when he spoke up. She wasn't even sure if she was thinking at all, or if she was doing her best to not think. For when she thought, she knew she would give things excessive thought and too much thought seemed to result in that turmoil he could see so easily in her. She didn't want to be in turmoil. He didn't want her to be in turmoil. So the easiest way to avoid that was to... not... think too much, right?

Except when she heard him, she felt a strange coldness wash over her. Just a simple cold, despite how perfectly warm she was before. Not to say that any of said warmth had faded or disappeared, only that it was temporarily replaced, or covered. Simply because she hadn't expected him to speak up. She was always the one speaking up. It was never him. Well, until this particular moment. And what he had to say... what he had to ask actually did make her pause.

And finally she tipped her chin up to eye him, withdrawing just enough to do that. And as she stared, she tried to understand what it was that would have him ask her just such a thing. She wasn't obvious enough. She wasn't open enough. For if she had been, he would have no reason to inquire something so personal. If she was unhappy, she would have told him, right? Could she convince herself of that so purely?

...What have I done to make you think otherwise? None of my burdens are caused by you.

"Like this..?" she asked him finally. "...With you, you mean?" Her eyebrows knit together as she tried to really understand what it was he wanted to know. "I don't understand why you're asking me this, why... you're looking at me like that..."

This really was too odd for him. Speaking like this. Maybe he could just speak and clarify for himself as well as Eirika. Just say it.

"...Both. I...suppose," he looked at her, a slight furrowed brow. "I am unsure of it myself. I want to be open with how I feel with you, it is what I should be...what I want to be. If you are happy, then I suppose this would not feel as hard as it seems. Then I would feel like I am doing something right. That...was why I called you here, I hoped to ease your worries somehow even if it is possible we can worry about something moments from now."

Oh. He... wanted to talk about feelings. Her arch nemesis showing up again. She'd thought they were past this point by now, honestly. He didn't need to tell her how he felt about things, or her, or anything like that. She had enough of a grasp on the concept that it was good enough for her. Getting too specific was more likely to make her a bit nervous. And she tried not to be so nervous as it was, because otherwise she could just hear Gordon scolding her.

But as he continued, she seemed to put it together. And it was easier to be honest and upfront about what he was and was not, than it was for her to start diving into her feelings that didn't involve him. Besides, didn't he know well enough where her feelings were for him? Not... that she'd actually said anything. Just that she enjoyed spending time with him and she accepted that he wanted to court her. When it really came down to literal discussion, she'd not said a word about how she actually felt.

"You cause me no discomfort," Eirika explained to him. "I understand now why you wished for my company, and I appreciate that you are looking out for me so closely, that you care as much as you do. That means a great deal to me, Connor." Straightening her posture, she lifted her hand from his chest in favour of dusting him off. Perhaps as a means to distract herself. "I am very content to be with you. In your company and as... your courted." A moment's hesitance because she didn't know how to call herself with regard to him.

"Please do not fret so much," she continued gently. "You cannot fix everything for me, yet any ache I feel would be worse if you were not here. I would want no other to be the person to me that you are. I hope you will never think otherwise. This, the way we are right now, I enjoy it. I cannot be this close to anyone else and I don't wish to be. Only you."

"If I had thought those things, I suppose that would make me rather childish."

Ah, how. How do you. Do this. How was this even possible?? Connor was being more open than Eirika? This was. Seriously like the Twilight Zone. Maybe he was trying too hard.

How much inexperience did he really show? His true nature, he...was a complete dork. And a fool. He really didn't know anything.

"...Sorry," he said, realizing eternally he apologized too much lately. Flustering him in that process. "I mean..."

He was not himself, he knew it. Ugh ugh ugh.

It was hard because he was not good with feelings either, and he would be most opt with clamming up as well. As what he usually did. But he tried to not with Eirika.

He shook his head, finding his confidence and looking normal in the face.

I cannot call myself as one beside anyone who would not do what I feel should be done within my own power. My shortcomings...I can only try to move past them if it means that I could be one you find comfort in. I know I cannot simply make them leave, our burdens and our shortcomimgs, and perhaps I think far too hard...but my mind is serious. I want to make sure this is what you imagine it should be like with someone.

He said none of that. Instead he shifted and the basket of apples now...fell.

It was hard to get in his head. Impossible, actually, which was why she needed him to talk with her. At least to tell her things when he was comfortable doing so or when he felt she needed to hear them. She trusted him to make decisions like that and she trusted him not to lead her blindly, for in earnest, she thought him so naive that manipulating her would never actually even cross his mind. Unless he was acting, for if he was, Eirika was so completely fooled that Connor could have destroyed her with a simple squeezing of his hand on her heart.

"You shouldn't-"

She didn't get much else out afterward, for the simple shifting had her almost immediately going after their apples. And as she began to gather them up, she found her words again. "I don't think it makes you childish, in any form of the word." Drawing in a deep breath, she was somewhat meticulous and a little more organised with how she refilled the basket.

"I admit that I think about things like this a great deal. With regards to your happiness, I mean," she explained carefully tipping her head up to give him a quick look. "Much of this relationship we have for me is something I am becoming accustomed to. It is true we spent time together before, and we spend much more now and I am used to..."

"I apologise. I'm not very good at talking about this. I'm not entirely confident of my ability to put my feelings into words. I can act with you and toward you a way that feels the way I'd like it to, but for as much as I can have a diplomatic conversation, I feel as if sometimes you and I understand each other much better when we're not speaking and only acting." A woman after his own heart, apparently.

"I find there to be truth when people say feelings are fickle..."

Connor added as he also carefully picked up the apples. Not even regarding to how that happened, just doing it as he was in reality more focused on Eirika's words. Like fixing a simple problem was by reflex, and the other problem was more needed from his true attention. How this had become.

"What do you suppose we should do then? Do we...not discuss this from here on? I am not sure what you think we should do."

Hrm.

"We seem to go in circles. It is apparent neither of us knew what to expect when this happened. I want to be more open with how I feel in hope of maybe understanding myself."

He looked at her. And didn't speak until all the apples were back in the basket, which would mean he was maybe in silence for a good few seconds. He actually tried to put some serious thought.

"To be honest, it is like I keep telling myself I know nothing and I need to be reminded how much you enjoy my company or if you are happy. That way, I can say I am doing what is right. That...seems selfish of me."

A sigh.

"I do not want that anymore. I want to be able to take this and grow from it."

"I want to be more open with how I feel in hope of maybe understanding myself."

The moment he said it, she stopped everything she was doing in favour of putting her eyes on him. And it was right about that time that he'd finished what she'd begun. In one form or another, there they were, doing something together, which her mind recognised, though she didn't outwardly acknowledge it. They didn't have to do everything together, but they should have done more things together, if only to know one another as romantically inclined beings.

That's what it was all about, after all. Getting to know one another. They knew each other by ideals. They knew one another by the things that drove them. It was only what more each could learn about the other. And that meant being open. Connor deserved that, especially from her. If she wasn't going to be open with anyone else, she needed to be with him.

Sitting back, her posture shifted to something a little more ladylike. Eirika leaned onto the palm of her hands, careful to keep her attentive gaze on him. "You should be as open as you're comfortable with being. I want to give to you everything you are willing to give to me. Honesty, loyalty, support."

She nodded to him firmly. That was no spontaneous decision on her part. She'd thought it before, but simply didn't use the words for it. "Neither of us are very good with our words on a field like this, but if we are so dedicated to this, we will need to take the difficulties with it. I should - and want - to be open with you about how I feel about this, about you, about us."

Edited (WOW I AM REDUNDANT YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM FIXING THAT NYA NYAH NYAH) 2013-10-04 03:48 (UTC)

He sat down as well, taking another apple and simply holding it in his hand. It was the last one to make to the basket, but Eirika's words once again required more attention.

As open as he was comfortable with? That would mean he was comfortable at all with something, which he wasn't. Being open with feelings was hard. When he dealt them, it was usually at their peak. Honestly? The only people who got to see his inner feelings were...Achilles. Kanen'tó:kon. And recently he started a relationship with his mother. But the first two were dead. Ziio had died when he was four. His father...

...When did he look at himself and decided he was to be open with his feelings when there was too much to be done? Taking action all the time, his doubts having to be put aside and decisions needing to be made in split seconds with his life depending on it.

Because this was what it meant to care about someone so much you wanted to share yourself.

Share...all of yourself.

...

...

"Then perhaps...slowly, as comfortably as we could, we should be more open. Learn of each other. Not just out thoughts and beliefs. But us."

Aha.

"I want to give you all the honesty, loyalty, and support I feel you deserve. Our ways of life, our people, what we like and dislike. In time, of course. There is much we can learn."

The Creed, Connor. THE CREED...

Connor kept telling him over and over.

That...does not have to be now. It does not have to be considered for a while. But I cannot hold every secret. Some secrets can be departed if I am to share a portion of my life. Some secrets can take a while to surface. As long as they have the possibility, and as long as Eirika still wishes to understand and accept me for what I am and what I have done.

With how quiet he grew, she actually worried that she'd said something that possibly... offended him? She didn't even know, honestly. Most of the time Eirika still felt like she was tiptoeing around him, simply because she was the one with the loose tongue. She was the one who'd previously held her heart on her very sleeve, but the moment her feelings for Connor had come into play, she'd put them down very quietly in hopes of hiding them. And even though they both knew they existed, she hadn't exactly gotten into the habit of wearing them so he might see.

She reddened. There was no way for her to avoid it. Lifting her right hand, she carefully rubbed at her cheeks, one and then the other, but she didn't dare look aside. Which really only flustered her more. Not that she minded sharing things with him. She didn't. She just... never knew where to begin. She'd never really thought about it, because she hadn't predicted that they'd eventually sitting down like this, forgetting the rest of the world, and focusing on each other. Not as simple allies, but rather as...

Connor was so serious about everything. She thought it was still something she'd wake up without, so maybe it was that she had a... really hard time believing that hearing him was actually something happening. Maybe that was what had her force some kind of ridiculous detachment.

"Ah... Yes. This... would probably be the way we should proceed." Removing her hand from her cheek, she settled it over her heart. "My heart races when you begin to speak to me like that. Just listening to you, I feel... It is difficult for me to put into words. A foreign kind of joy that I've never felt before. Something that I've been without before you. As if a part of me may have been hollow or incomplete."

She thought on it carefully, "I am very entranced by you. Very taken. Do not underestimate your ability to capture me. You've done so quite thoroughly. You are the snare, Connor, and I am the rabbit, and if your words, your voice, your... eyes were traps, then I fall so very willingly."

Connor felt himself relax a little more. For no real reason he could figure out. He just, took a breath...and felt relief. Maybe it was a reflex too, because he knew his heart was racing. He was serious. Very serious about this.

Again, how sentimental.

He had his back to the tree and took his right hand to caress her cheek. The one Eirika was previously.

He could look at with all the compassion he had, but he just told himself he had to make due with more with this courtship. So he did for a moment, before speaking once again.

"Then let us discover what this means. Let us take this feeling, and allow it to help us create the path we spoke of. I feel truly for the first time, I can find the confidence to be what I wish to here."

He reached for her. Willingly. Of his own accord. And she felt her insides tense almost immediately. That was new. That was foreign. And there was no one she allowed to do that aside from Ephraim. Even then, the older she got, the less inclined she was to accept it, because it was so touching, so sentimental, so affectionate.

If he'd not had her attention so well to begin with, then he certainly had it afterward. Enough to the point that she didn't have any immediate words for him. She wanted to, but they got caught up in her throat to the point where she couldn't force them out.

Finally, she lifted a hand to settle over his. Not to remove it, but simply to rest. And she smiled, the same kind of sincerity he was pulling from her. The girl without princess airs or regal nonsense about her.

"If you insist, Connor," which was really her way of agreeing with him, as indicated by the way her expression brightened. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were beginning to grow comfortable being this close to me. You are much more open with touching me as of recent. The more confident you act, the more confident I feel I can be." Her gaze softened and she offered his hand a very gentle squeeze, surprisingly content to stay so close to him. Without fear of fallen apples.

And then.

He just continued to smile, hold it right there. Softly, smally smile as his hand still was on her cheek.

"It is something of my own accord, I wanted that to be so," Connor simply said. He was...actually happy all over again.

You look very much at peace, she thought as she eyed him. I've never seen you really look like that before.

For many moments, she simply nodded as she heard him. Carefully, she used her free hand to move aside their basket of apples and after removing his hand from her cheek, she carefully moved over the grass until she could sit beside him. Not even just beside him, actually. Lifting his left arm, she slipped beneath it, and carefully took his hand in favour of coercing him to loop his arm over her shoulder.

"I would rather spend time with you like this," she said to him very directly, but not without a degree of hesitance in her gaze, as if she was still seeking his permission, because she didn't know what he was comfortable with. "If... you do not mind too much."

These times...despite Connor's willingness to improve on his open-ness, were still always welcome. He was still feeling his face grow hot and his heart beaming as Eirika motioned the way she did.

He let her move to do that. Allowing it all. With his hand, he made sure she was comfortable, and offered his shoulder for a head rest. Being close with her was welcome, thankfully it was Eirika and not a stranger. He didn't like strangers touching him at all. It was a cultural thing.

He relaxed even more, breathed in and out. Held her close.

He can still do this a lot. These moments were the best. He was only slightly uncomfortable for the moment as it all happened fast, but when it happened he was most happy. Yeah, he could do this a lot.

"I do not," he said softly. "I quite enjoy these moments."

Being close to Connor was still something new for her. Not something she particularly knew how to approach with the most grace. Often when she was in his midst, the physical kind anyway, she'd think back to the day he began teaching her archery. Explaining that she'd not known how to have a relationship with a man, because Connor hadn't been a simple friend or a simple companion for her. How was it that everything became so much more complicated when a heart was involved? When there were feelings to keep in consideration, when what he thought, felt, and believed became so immensely important to her, and when he as a whole had staked a great claim in her life...

It was very difficult to believe, to picture, and to experience. And yet there was something about it - likely the newness of it all - that brought to her a great kind of delight. But Eirika was afraid to bask in its glory too much.

Shifting to settle her head to his shoulder comfortably, it took literally only moments for her to soften, the tension that had been building up fading and ebbing away into ease. "Yes," the princess agreed. "I do as well." Drawing up her right hand, she motioned to the sky, "I think that is beautiful. All of this is, really. It's quiet and calm, away from too many people." As she drew in a deep breath, the features of her face grew gentle, "I think... this is the first time since I've arrived here that I've genuinely felt at peace. To think I am blessed with a man capable of such a miraculous power... I am very happy."

Yes.

These moments...let's have a lot of them. Connor won't object. Won't object ever. He let her in close as he just calmly breathed in and out right besides her. He looked up to the sky, quiet at first.

He never looked at scenery too much at all, he never appreciate it. But now...well Eirika was teaching him how to get into new things. He took in the sky and its colors. It's majesty. How pretty...Beautiful.

"Perhaps you should paint it...all the colors together. Just like before."

He just continued smiling as Eirika spoke of him. O-oh...heheh...

She couldn't resist a smile as she heard him. Tipping her chin up to better eye him, she tried not to laugh too much.

"My hands are too amateur to give that what it deserves," Eirika protested gently. "I could do only that one painting for you, for I had thought of it a good deal of time. But at that time, it was only one of a few... There were very few ways for me to say what I had wanted to. You, as a man of action, deserve for me to be able to take more of that. That was why I made that painting."

Lowering her hand, she softened against the Assassin with some thought, "I doubt I could do something like it again. We are compromising, I think... learning to speak with one another, to be more honest and open... These difficult things for us." Weaving her hands together shyly, she found herself quite content with keeping her eyes upon his, "...Perhaps there is reason for me to make another. As if it were simply this path we have decided to take together."

"Just think," Connor said as he took his other hand to motion the sky as well.

"The colors in harmony, the peace it gives. You say your painting hands are amateur but they mean much when use color to tell your story. I find it very...enlightening. I can see your thoughts on your canvas."

He took a long breath as he closed his eyes to take in the fresh air.

It really was beautiful out here right now.

"Should you choose to make it, I have the place for it. I think it will go well with the other one you had made."

In other words, what Connor was really saying was that he wanted another one. For him. And she wasn't sure what she thought of that because it was not only self-indulgent, it was an implication that it was something from her, a part of her, or at least a part of her heart. Something he wanted for himself and not something he was insisting she put on display.

Like he wanted to keep it just to himself.

"With an offer like that, I'm having a difficult time turning you down." Tilting her head, she settled it back against his shoulder and idly with her off-hand, she toyed with the various buttons and intricate details donning the seams of his robes. "I could let you watch me work on it, I suppose. Or you could help me. Doing something like that together sounds like it would be enjoyable."

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YOU BUTTHEAD

I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING.

EXCEPT YOU DID EVERYTHING

UH NO. THIS IS YOUR DOING.

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