DEMOLITIONS: The ABCs of TNT

[iamtheeggman]

Who: Eggman and students
What: Introduction to demolitions
Where: Demolitions classroom
When: Wednesday
Warnings: It's Eggman so assume lots of yelling and cursing

This was it. This was his time.

Finally, a class he could sink his teeth into.

His new classroom had already been decked out in full Eggman style: metal and machinery covered every wall, the ceiling and the floor. He had installed traps in the chairs and strategically around the room. He had a laundry list of things around the school he could get his students to destroy for him under the guise of teaching them. Everything was perfect.

When everyone had filed in, Eggman stood at the head of the room, grinning darkly. "Welcome to DEMOLITIONS! Here, you will learn the BEAUTIFUL ART OF DESTRUCTION! Oh sure, perhaps in a lesser class you could learn to fight with POINTY STICKS or LASERS, but in my class you will learn how to TRULY ANNIHILATE!"

"Now, I know how ignorant everyone in this wretched school is, so I'm coming into this with absolutely NO assumption as to your knowledge. So we're going to begin with the ABSOLUTE BASICS. I want each of you to tell me one unique way to DEMOLISH SOMETHING OR SOMEONE! No copying answers! And the more creative THE BETTER!"

"We'll start with... YOU!"

Comments

ATTENDANCE

[iamtheeggman]

OH BOY. BLAST CORPS 101!

[iwannacheat]

This definitely sounded like one of the more interesting classes on the roster. A little redhead is going to try it out.

[stay_classy_cat]

Seth was here

looking either completely bored

or completely amused.

Probably in whatever sequence most frustrated one of his favorite teachers.

[star_punched]

He's here. In the back.




Judging.

OPEN DISCUSSION

[iamtheeggman]

Re: OPEN DISCUSSION

[iwannacheat]

Kazooie raises her hand.

"I like explosives," she chimed. "I have remote-controlled robots that can sneak anywhere and detonate at my will."

Kaz are you sure you're a good guy?

Re: OH BOY. BLAST CORPS 101!

[iamtheeggman]

"And EXCELLENT suggestion! Sacrificing your own numbers for your own personal gain. I like how you think!"

Eggman you. Missed the point...

Re: OH BOY. BLAST CORPS 101!

[iwannacheat]

Yeah. Okay. They're just robots, though. It's not like they're made of living beings inside!

Still.

She dives a hand into her backpack and pulls out a large clockwork egg. "Wanna see?"

Re: OH BOY. BLAST CORPS 101!

[iamtheeggman]

"By all means. SHARE with the class."

Re: OH BOY. BLAST CORPS 101!

[iwannacheat]

Kazooie tossed the egg with both arms to the front of the room. It smashes open upon impact, revealing a rodent-sized mechanical bird. She then pulled out a remote control and started maneuvering the bird around in a circle.

Re: OH BOY. BLAST CORPS 101!

[iamtheeggman]

"Very good! Now DESTROY IT."

Re: OH BOY. BLAST CORPS 101!

[iwannacheat]

"Okay!"

She pressed the detonator button and it explodes right away. It may have set a corner of the professor's mustache on fire.

Re: OH BOY. BLAST CORPS 101!

[iamtheeggman]

He did not take that well.

"HOW DARE YOU SINGE MY MUSTACHE, YOU FEATHERED DISEASE FACTORY!!"

Re: OH BOY. BLAST CORPS 101!

[iwannacheat]

Kazooie didn't even flinch.

LURKERS

[iamtheeggman]

[thewrightidea]

It was probably a really bad idea to come here. Phoenix knew that it would be dangerous, because not only was it a class about demolitions, but it was a class about demolitions taught by Eggman. Even so, Phoenix wanted to make sure everyone was safe. He couldn't exactly stand by and watch this catastrophe unfold and not do anything about it!

"Ah, Dr. Robotnik?" Phoenix asked somewhat meekly as he stepped in the classroom. Yes, he was afraid of the man, but once he was riled up that meekness would melt away into complete confidence and assertiveness.

[iamtheeggman]

Eggman's head whipped around to glare disapprovingly at Phoenix. If looks could kill...

[thewrightidea]

Phoenix immediately took a step back from the sheer hatred of that look. Oh god, what was he even doing here? The Hands were total quacks and nothing Phoenix could do was going to change Eggman's mind about teaching this class.

Still, he gulped and stepped forward once more, attempting to build up confidence to confront this man.

"Dr. Robotnik, I realize this is a fighting school, but... if a class such as this falls into the wrong hands, then...."

That horrible look. Could Phoenix even finish this?

"Well there could be drastic injuries. Lawsuits." Oh no, he just used the L-word didn't he?

[iamtheeggman]

Eggman continued. To. Glare.

[thewrightidea]

So Phoenix really needed to make his point, because Eggman clearly wasn't getting it. Would he even get it? Probably not. This was really a fruitless endeavor, wasn't it? Edgeworth please I need your help.

"Listen! I don't know what kind of good it's going to do to teach children about demolitions. And I... don't..." His voice gradually grew softer, "Think... you're exactly... qualified... to teach such a course...

"I think... Well, given your history... I don't think the school would be in good hands with you teaching this kind of subject."

[iamtheeggman]

Eggman raised his hand and pointed at the door.

"GET. OUT."

[thewrightidea]

Phoenix had already attempted to complain to the Hands, but as usual they didn't listen. He'd already tried to get Eggman arrested on multiple occasions, but whatever security force this flimsy town had didn't exactly care. He had one more ace up his sleeve.

Standing up straight, Phoenix cleared his throat and did his best to speak in a clear, assertive voice. "Dr. Robotnik, if anything should happen, you would be facing a lawsuit of the highest degree. Your accrued riches would be gone and your teaching certification would be stripped. You'd end up in jail for many, many years. So please, for your sake, I urge you not to teach this class."

[iamtheeggman]

"That's an interesting notion," Eggman replied. "Now here's my counter-proposal."

He pressed a button. The floor Phoenix stood on opened up and dropped Phoenix into a tube. It wound and twisted its way around before unceremoniously dumping Phoenix outside.

[thewrightidea]

Phoenix actually gave an undignified scream as he felt himself fall, though the scream stopped quickly when he realized he was in a windy tube. It was still very unnerving though because it was dark.

And then he was outside.

Clearly, the lesson you should learn from this, kids, is that Eggman cannot be reasoned with.

[obfuskate]

Oh, yes, someone was incredibly grumpy that he didn't get fired. Therefore, he was going to keep a very close eye on him and intervene if needed.

Of course, Shadow wasn't about to go without being a little critical towards his, to put it shortly, barbaric methods:

"There are creative ways to kill without demolition."

Was he really going to touch stone on that? Yes, he was.

Welp.

[iamtheeggman]

Eggman was, naturally, not amused with anyone trying to outsmart him in his own classroom.

"I don't see your name on my attendance sheet, so ZIP YOUR POINTY TRAP!"

[obfuskate]

"Remember, children: don't consume a bad egg. Crack it open and place it where it belongs."

A dramatic pause, total deadpan.

"In the trash."

Yes, that may or may not have been a warning, Eggy. Shadow was not about to hesitate bloodshed.

[iamtheeggman]

"Keep quiet in my class or I will pluck every quill from your body and use you as your own voodoo doll."

[obfuskate]

"Oh, how truly terrifying."

Look at how terrified he is.

On a scale of one to ten, ten being absolutely horrified, he's a negative five.

[iamtheeggman]

"Have it YOUR way."

Eggman cleared his throat and pointed at Shadow. "Class, I have an announcement to make! I will give an AUTOMATIC A to the first person who DESTROYS HIS MOTORCYCLE!"

[obfuskate]

"Oh yes, he will, but I will also have you apprehended and fined heavily for destruction of faculty property."

Shadow snarled in his general direction. Two can play at this game, mister.

[iamtheeggman]

Eggman just decided to leave it at that and went on with his lesson. ENJOY NOT SLEEPING, SHADOW.