My Soul Burns, My Heart is Aflame with Passion: A Terrible Transformation! The Tears of a Venusaur!

[tank_rockarms]

Who: Max and Skullkid, and then Max and YOU
What: Max makes a stupid wish. The stupid wish comes true.
Where: Outside of the gym, and then everywhere.
When: 7am Sunday, March 11 - 7am Sunday, March 18
Warnings: A whole lot of violence. Everything on fire. Swearing.

Max was tired of all of this runaround, stressful world of concerns that he was currently inhabiting, a place where he was still on bad relations with Vinnie and Sasha was a who-knows-what.

He walked to the gym with a heavy heart. Even weightlifting was becoming slightly cumbersome. What a terrible feeling this was, to have life's greatest joy become a chore.

More to himself than anything else, and surely there was no-one hanging off of a rooftop or anything to overhear him, "Sometimes I wish I was a pokemon. It'd be easier if I was. Everything. You know. If I was a pokemon."

Just the words of a simple man with his simple thoughts thinking simple things.

((OOC: Post a time and a place to meet with... ... ...this guy. Though I would like to save the first encounter for Char. And then everyone else.))

Comments

[maxizard]

And poof, he was a pokemon charizard instead of a human charizard.

He bent his neck down. "Get on" he mumbled in pokespeech. "I can't drive with this tail. I gotta fly you there."

Surely nothing terrible would happen because of this.

[punchtheflowers]

(If Vinnie knew he was going to get thrown on top of his duffel bag, he wouldn't've put the glass vials on top of his fluffy towel, okay.)

Mustering what strength he had left, he rolled off the bag and onto his side, then with a grunt, pushed himself off the floor. Some of the burning may have been gone, but his arms just felt like limp noodles now.

He staggered over to Max, with the BAD IDEA alarm going off in his ears again. But fuck, it wasn't like he had many options left.

[maxizard]

Pathetic. Max went swimming in water and look at him. He's only, like, 85% beaten down, unlike you who is like at 98%. Pathetic.

He stretched his wings out. Oh, he was sore and tired and awful feeling. But he'd be damned if he wasn't going to do this.

He wished he had somewhere to just drop off of and coast most of the way. But he didn't have that luxury. He'd just have to trust to his freakishly powerful wing muscles.

And then they were off. All of like five feet above the ground because Max couldn't really manage to get much higher than that.

"Hold on," he growled.

[punchtheflowers]

At yet within that 13% lay the difference between a hot-blooded Man and a wilted spinach leaf.

The Charizard's skin was still warm - though being Fire Types, that was kinda their thing - not that Vinnie had any strength to complain. He was pretty much just collapsed on top of Max at this point.

[maxizard]

Max was shaky as he flew off into the beautiful distance. This was far harder than it should have been. Then again he was supporting Vinnie's weight (though he was but a tiny hop-o-my-thumb to the beheamoth Charizard) and also he was sort of running on fumes by this point.

A couple of times he almost tipped over, or hit a car or pedestrian (or velocipedestrienne) or random power up (he really should have tried to grab those, but how was he to know what was and wasn't appropriate to hit?). He did, at least, know how to get to the pokecenter.

To anyone watching, as the world's largest charizard flew in low, straight at the doors, they may have been concerned that something terrible was about to happen. But moments before he hit the building, there was an exceedingly rough landing and there was another POP and instead of a charizard there was a Max wearing nothing but that poor, beleaguered jock strap, with a Vinnie on his back.

This may have been even more terrifying than the charizard. It was hard to tell.

[punchtheflowers]

The Nurse Joy at the front counter screamed at the sight of a monstrous, nearly naked Charizard with a bleeding man in swimtrunks on his back. Clearly this Charizard was some sort of mad thug and/or sex offender, who had not taken too kindly to being challenged by a swimmer and promptly beat the living daylights out of him. Double-clearly, he was a danger to everyone.

Several other trainers who were standing around the waiting room also shrieked and ran and clutched their darling Pokemon tight, as though their lives depended on it. A few misguided heroes called out their Water Pokemon in an effort to defend the Centre.

So there was a Staryu, a Poliwag, and a Marill shooting even more water at Max. Such a joyous day of days this was.

[maxizard]

This. Was. The. Worst. Day. Ever.

Max was angry. So very angry. And that Staryu, Poliwag and Marill all using bubble (Seriously, bubble? What sort of lameass pokemon were these? What kind of terrible trainers did they have?) were really annoying. Max was like level crazy high. He'd just SWAM in a GODDAMNED POOL. FOR A LONG TIME. Bubbles weren't going to do anything other than just PISS HIM OFF.

"If you don't shut those goddamned bubble vomit machines off right now, I swear I will USE THEM TO BEAT YOU STUPID TRAINERS SILLY. I WILL PICK UP THAT STUPID STAR THING AND USE IT TO BEAT YOU SENSELESS. AND THEN I'LL PICK UP THAT BLUE THING AND USE IT TO BEAT YOU SENSELESS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THAT LITTLE BLACK THING IS BUT I'LL DO EXACTLY THE SAME WITH IT TO YOU."

Max was literally frothing with rage. A mixture of spittle and sparks came pouring out of his mouth. The veins in his everywhere were distressingly pronounced.

"WE. NEED. MEDICAL. CARE. NOW. THIS VENUSAUR SAVED MY LIFE. IF YOU DON'T PATCH HIM UP RIGHT NOW EVERYONE GETS BEATEN WITH THEIR OWN POKEMON."

[punchtheflowers]

Well, the trainers needed no more incentive than that to call back their Pokemon and flee. This Charizard was even more terrifying than that Blastoise-man on the news reports, who'd gone around Viridian forest punching bug catchers in the face.

The Nurse Joy peeked fearfully over the edge of her desk. Her voice trembled with fear, but to her credit she remembered Vinnie from his monthly leaf checkups. "O-oh... I believe we have that Venusaur on file... just a m-moment, please."

Here goes this lady, trying to type on her computer to bring up his file while still trying to hide. It was going quite slowly.

"Could you bring out a stretcher please, Chansey? Th-thank you..."

[maxizard]

"YOU AIN'T GETTIN' PAID TO HIDE BEHIND THAT DESK" Max kindly pointed out to the woman.

"I CAN BARELY TYPE AND I TYPE FASTER THAN THAT. NOW YOU GET ONTO THAT COMPUTER AND YOU PULL UP HIS FILE AND THAT UGLY PINK EXCUSE FOR A WHATEVER THE HELL IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE IS GONNA BRING OUT A STRETCHER IN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS OR I MIGHT JUST START TO GET ANGRY."

"I JUST SWAM IN A POOL FULL OF WATER FOR JUST OVER A MILE AND A HALF. I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANY OF YOUR HALFASSED SHIT."

Yeah those sparks were pretty much full on uses of fire fang by this point.

[punchtheflowers]

"Eeep!"

With great speed, two Chanseys rushed out, one with a stretcher and the other with medical supplies. They pulled up right in front of Max, and very carefully removed the unconscious Venusaur from his back. Vinnie was placed stomach down onto the bed, with one Chansey bringing out the tweezers. How on earth it even used those things with its tiny, fingerless hands, was a mystery. The shards, regardless, were coming out.

The other approached the Charizard with a Max Potion (how appropriately eponymous) and spritzed it across his chest. It was most revitalizing.

[maxizard]

Oh wow, suddenly Max felt about 200 hp better.

What did that even mean?

Well, whatever it meant, it was considerable. And he didn't feel nearly so grumpy anymore.

"Good. That's better. That's the sort of service I'd expect if I came in here hurt with a unconscious guy on my back."

He looked around at the now totally empty but for the Chanseies and Nurse Joy and Vinnie and Max waiting room. "You got any food, I'm starvin'.""

[punchtheflowers]

As the last of the shards were removed from Vinnie's back, the Chansey rolled him away to get the burns treated inside, out of view. It probably wasn't even necessary, but getting the injured Grass Type away from the most horrific Charizard ever invented seemed important.

The remaining Chansey looked up at Max with an uncertain expression, before taking the egg out of her pouch and offering it to him. It was very nutritious, you know. Hella delicious.

[maxizard]

Max looked down at the thing that just gave him an egg out of her body.

"What the hell is that. Did you just pull that thing outta your body? Like hell I'm gonna eat that. Is this thing even cooked? I ain't eatin' a raw egg unless I'm makin' a protein shake. I want a steak. Rare. I don't wanna eat an egg that you pulled outta whatever the hell that's supposed to be. What the hell are you, some sorta pink kangaroo? No. Not happenin'. How'd you like it if I reached down into my jock and gave you somethin' to eat outta there? Yeah, that's what I thought." Max. Max did you just. Max. What. Max. Max. Max. You. You can't do that. You can't make that analogy. Even if you were thinking about just pulling a sandwich out of your jock strap, which is what you were thinking, you still can't say that.

And that's when he noticed Vinnie was being wheeled away. "Hey. Hey. Who said you could take him somewhere without tellin' me you were takin' him somewhere. Hey. You. Where the hell are you takin' him? I'm goin' with you. And you get me that steak," he said to the Chansey who was still holding the egg up to Max in fear. Nutritious his glorious, flaming, well-sculpted ass.

what do i even do for icons right now

[punchtheflowers]

"U-um... we don't serve steak in the Pokecentre," stammered the Nurse Joy on behalf of the Chansey, who anxiously inched away with her egg. "There are vending machines, and a cafeteria that serves coffee and sandwiches, i-if that's okay... you could wait there as we tend to your... friend."

Make a Nurse Joy account, obviously

[maxizard]

"What, you think I shoved my wallet up my ass before I came in here so I can pay for somethin' at a cafeteria or a vendin' machine?"

"That pink thing can get me a sandwich while I go follow Vinnie," said Max as he started walking off to follow the Chansey who could not wheel Vincent away fast enough to escape from a newly revitalized Max.

nnnno.

[punchtheflowers]

With little other choice, the Chansey led Max to one of the wings where Vinnie was moved onto a large machine. It looked something like the ones outside, except rather than tray-sized and suited for Pokeballs, this one was customized to the needs of the large humanized Pokemon population. The bed began glowing like a scanner, and the Chansey busied herself with its control panel and Vinnie's vitals signs.

As she was doing this, Chansey no. 2 came back with a cold corned beef sandwich for Max. Actually, it looked like three sandwiches - she had stacked them inside one another for extra meat to placate the Charizard. Hopefully it would be enough...???

yyyyyes.

[maxizard]

Max took the sandwich that had three times the meat of a normal sandwich. It was almost acceptable. He shoved it into his mouth and in a couple of bites ate the entire thing.

"Can't you just spray a thing on him like you did for me?" Max asked. "This looks complicated. You tryin' to get more money outta him for bein' here if you hook him up to the flashin' light machine?"

They were probably trying to cheat him because they thought he was dumb.

"You think you can cheat me just 'cause you think I'm dumb, don't you?"