smash_logs | Sitting on a rooftop, talking about... well, who knows what

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Sitting on a rooftop, talking about... well, who knows what

Who: Shadow, Amy
What: Amy needs someone to talk to? I WONDER WHAT FOR
Where: Rooftop of the dorms
When: Friday after classes, while the sun sets (cause it's too damn cold to stay out when it gets dark)

Sitting on the edge of the dorm roof-- a common haunt these days-- Shadow stared at the setting sun. It felt like he hadn't seen daylight in an eternity, so he was gonna enjoy it for once. He was mildly curious about why Amy needed to talk to him: he couldn't really say he'd been very friendly to her lately, but he liked to think that he was a good listener, so maybe he could make up for being an asshole so often.

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"Hey."

Amy's voice was eerily less perky than usual. (Of course, that just meant she sounded normal.) Aside from the change in tone, she appeared just fine, and smiled a little.

Even if it was just sunset, she wore a jacket to counter the brisk autumn air. Shadow's decision to make the meet up earlier was a pretty good idea. Amy didn't really want to be outside so late anyway. Shadow didn't exactly give her kind words, but what he told her before stood out. If she were 12, she may have been furious and ignored his remarks. But at sixteen, she knew they were undeniably true.

Shadow tilted his head back to get a look at Amy. She seemed a bit more subdued than usual; he hoped this might mean he wouldn't become endlessly frustrated with her.

"So," he tossed out casually, turning away from the edge of the roof so he could talk to her face-to-face, "you needed to talk about something?" Shadow didn't feel like wading through any chit-chat, so he just got straight to the point.

While Amy would always be... well, Amy, she was definitely willing to listen and willing to hear things she probably won't like. That's okay, it wouldn't be the worst thing to ever happen.

"Do you remember what you told me a while back? Or at least vaguely?" She was going to get to the point soon, as going around the bush wasn't really worth her time.

Fairly sure that he knew what this was about, Shadow nodded and crossed his arms. "If you want me to apologize for the things I said... well, I'm sorry. But I still stand by every word I said."

"I'm not here to ask for an apology," Amy shook her head and continued to speak with indifference, "I'm here because... I guess, I wanted to say I'm sorry?" Her hands dug deeply into her jacket's pockets. Yeah, she hated everything he said, but was it really worth arguing? She might have wanted to at the time, but it was old news now. Sometimes, the content is more important than the fact of whether of not it hurt her feelings.

"Sonic always says I mean a lot to him, but I don't really think he wants anything to do with me." Amy shook her head and sighed. "But I'm not here to talk about love problems either," God bless Shadow's patience, "I just remembered that you told me you were an idiot to think I could aspire to something." She quickly added on, "I know that's a dumb reason to talk, but I feel like I can't even talk to people without a mask these days."

Shadow listened to Amy without showing any kind of reaction, trying to think of where he could start answering her. "Well, that's really what this is about, isn't it?" he said in a calm, neutral tone. "Not what other people think of you-- especially not what Sonic thinks of you. Hell, it shouldn't even be what I think of you."

He pulled his legs up beneath him as he climbed to his feet. "What do YOU think of yourself?"

"I know. Wasn't really asking for a reassurance anyway." She smirked slightly. "I mostly just wanted to say I was sorry for how I acted, and thought I could possibly talk to you. If you don't want to, that's okay." That last part sounded a little more upbeat. "...What I think of myself?"

She shrugged. Amy didn't even know what she thought of herself. Sure, she was cute, perky and sweet, but she's also been draining any other possible aspects with chasing down Sonic or even just school work. "I'm not sure, actually. That's a pretty hard question to answer about yourself. I don't really know what's going to happen in these next few years." In fear of sounding too negative, her voice perked up again, "Well, I mean it's not a hopeless situation! ...I guess I'm just going to have to be more proactive. That shouldn't be too much to ask for."

"You don't ever need to apologize how you act towards me," Shadow said, shrugging carlelessly. "I just hate to see you get so distraught and overworked just because of someone's opinion, just because someone doesn't quite appreciate you the way you would like them to."

Shadow stared Amy straight in the eyes as he continued. "But let's get something clear. I'm not talking about what you want to do with your life: I'm talking about who you are. Going after Sonic? That's a goal; and I wouldn't try to tell you it's a bad one. But it shouldn't be what you use to define yourself.

"So." He took a few steps closer, still giving Amy a piercing look, almost unblinking. "Who ARE you?"

He almost kicked himself for getting so serious so quick, but he was feeling kind of melodramatic, so he just let it roll.

Amy didn't mind Shadow's seriousness. It didn't faze her so much, knowing he was a usually pessimistic guy anyway. She smiled, albeit weakly. "There's more to me than that."

But he probably wouldn't believe her, which was understandable. Suddenly, she recalled some acknowledgments she made last year, and how quickly she bounced back when Sonic came back. It was a little unsettling to know how she seemed completely unchanged to others.

"I'm Amy, silly," even if Amy was willing to be serious, it didn't mean her personality wouldn't shine through, "...Seriously though. I guess I'm just a 16 year old girl in high school."

With one last long look, Shadow turned away from her and crossed his arms again. "Good enough. For now." At least she looked like she was thinking about it. That was as far as he needed to be concerned, so much as he cared.

"So, was there anything else you needed to say? I can't imagine apologizing to me is the only thing you had in mind."

"I suppose," Amy stated. She slowly walked around the roof top, making sure not to go too far from the other hedgehog. "Unless you have other things to do. I don't wanna interrupt your plans." Shadow was right about one thing, she WAS thinking things over. It was just hard to bring it into words or figure out exactly WHAT she was going to do with herself. She shot a glance towards him, finding boredom in just idling around.

"Hey Shadow?" she asked, "do you think I'm the same, overly cheerful girl I was when I was 12?" A laugh. "Though I guess... it wouldn't be too much of an exaggeration if you said yes."

"It's fine." Shadow strode back to the edge of the roof, waving one hand in a vague motion. "Not like I have a ton on my plate these days."

He considered her question as he sat back down. "The same? No. You've seen hardships. You've dealt with life. You've grown." A little smirk caught the edge of his mouth, although he tried not to let it show too much. "You're still too damn cheerful if you ask me, though. Which... oh wait, you did ask me. Huh, that doesn't usually happen." He almost actually smiled at the slight irony of it.

"But yeah. I certainly don't see you as who you were back then."

She kept smiling, but she appeared cocky for once. "I guess I am, huh?" Amy had a more realistic outlook now, but some things just couldn't change no matter how hard she would want to try. Not that she would try. "It's just apart of my credo, you could say~"

"The world isn't that great, I know that. I've been there, I've seen plenty and know that's not all. But I can't ever help shake the thought that there's still good in this world, and that alone is a reason to be happy." Then why couldn't she be happy that Sonic was happy? Was he happy? Maybe. Amy recalled what she had once told Shadow four years ago on the ARK. It was rather ignorant and naive, she could knowledge that much, but the teenager didn't want to let go of that.

Fortunately, Shadow didn't remember that conversation.

"Well... I guess there are some parts of us that just refuse to change," Shadow said in a subdued tone. "So who am I to hold it against you?"

He listened to what she had to say, and he considered how closely they resembled the few words he remembered that... SHE... had said. "Yeah, there's good in the world... in the people... and everyone deserves a chance to be happy, right?" The question was only half aimed at Amy, and even then, it was rhetorical... but those words meant so much to him.

"What I wouldn't give to be able to be happy with what I have." This last part was whispered: but he didn't care whether or not Amy heard it. The memories were starting to flash in his mind again, what few remained...

"Didn't say you were. I get it. I wouldn't ask you to change either."

Her face softened, "They do. If others are happy, I'm usually happy." It was hard to keep a cheery demeanor if your old childish plans were kind of crumbling on you. But Amy wasn't much of a child anymore. Someday, she was going to have another serious conversation with Sonic again. Wave too.

The whisper was heard, but incoherent to Amy's ears. No point in really asking what he said though. That look on Shadow's face finally made the smile on her's fade a little. "It's getting kind of cold out, isn't it?"

He nodded numbly, muttered "thanks." God, he hated how everything always turned into this.

"Yeah, it is. Feel free to head back inside." He didn't get up himself. He didn't trust himself to stand just at that moment.

"Oh, you're gonna stay out here?" Even though Amy slowly walked towards the rooftop entrance/exit door, she appeared interested in hearing anything else that Shadow had to say. "Um, either way, thanks for taking your time to have a chat with me."

Now she was sincerely frowning. "You sure you wanna stay out here? It's going to get even colder later"

... did he really want to sit out here in the damn cold? No. He felt the old anger rise up, promising to keep him warm if only he'd just cut loose... but he always felt cold after.

Shadow slowly got back to his feet, and turned to glare at Amy. "You just don't know when to let a guy wallow in his own misfortune, huh." Shaking his head, he walked to he door as well. "You're right. It's too damn cold out."

"I guess not," said Amy, watching the other hedgehog meet up at the door. "You deserve a chance to be happy too." Despite her warm and concerned tone, her smile didn't come back.

He couldn't look her in the eyes this time. "I had my chance." Shadow just kept walking.

"Hey... don't say that. You try, isn't that enough to deserve happiness?" Amy just kept following. She couldn't force her credo or beliefs on him, but he still deserved a chance to be heard.

Oh my god, of all the times she picked to start being insistent, it was now. Shadow wondered what kind of cruel joke this night was playing on him. "Listen," he said, head turned back so he could see her, not stopping for anything. "You've been more patient with me than I probably deserve. And I think I can say I'm grateful for it. But I don't want to talk about this."

He turned to look where he was going... and bonked right into the wall. "Ahh, dammit...!" he yelled, rubbing his forehead.

"You don't?" she asked, as if she couldn't believe it. "Oh, well, okay then. Have a nice night Sha-" Nice job, Shadow. You should really look ahead when you run. ~~God, you're more like Sonic than you act.~~

Amy quickly walked over to him. "Are you okay?!"

Shadow looked at his hand: no blood. His head hurt a hell of a lot, though. He let his head thunk against the wall again, not as hard this time, just to rest his head there.

"... no."

At least he wasn't bleeding, but Shadow still wasn't okay. "Shadow..." Amy sighed. "I wish there was something I could do for you, but I think we both know there isn't. I can't force you to listen to me, and I know my advice won't always work."

She wanted to smile again, but couldn't. "I'm sorry there's not much I can do. I'll still try my hardest though, because hey, nothing you say will convince me you don't deserve that much."

"Yeah... no kidding." In a quick flash of anger, gone before it even registered, he slammed a fist into the wall. "Different strokes, and all that." He wished he could get angry at Amy, for something... for ANYTHING. But she didn't deserve it.

"Whatever. Hey... thanks for listening." He just felt like staring at the wall for now. He didn't think he'd be moving any time soon. "Sorry about... all that. Next time I'll try actually listening, instead of just arguing."

It hurt Amy plenty to see Shadow be so upset and angry often, and being unable to do much than just watch helplessly. "I'm sorry..." She stared down at the ground for a moment, carefully choosing her next response.

"No problem. Don't worry about it, okay? ...Thank you for listening to me too. I appreciate it, and I think needed it."

She made slowly turned the door, turning back only once towards Shadow before heading down the stairs back into the school.

With each step, Amy just felt a little more miserable herself. While it was a breathe of fresh air to finally be more honest, it may not have been worth upsetting Shadow that much. He was a sad case to the pink hedgehog; there really wasn't much to do to console him. How did Shadow feel about his past, or about his life? What would have it been like if she were in his shoes? Either way, if he was unhappy with his life, then maybe he should be doing something to fix that.

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Sitting on a rooftop, talking about... well, who knows what

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