Behold, Vinnie wearing a hoodie covered in tears and snot, with hair mussed up so furiously that it looked like a tossled bedhead angst sponge. He spoke urgently.

"Okay, Sasha's been giving out date coupons." He waved his crumpled photocopy coupon for the third time that day. "DATE COUPONS. I dunno how many dates with weirdos she's been on, cuz they've been spread all over the place and she hasn't been turning them down. We gotta make sure she's okay."