O, Signage of Truth and Virtue! Enter into Our Swoledom: Enter into Our Hearts!

[raced_god]

Who: Max, Captain Falcon, you?????
What: Hanging posters. Maybe some other stuff. Maybe whatever you want.
When: Week of April 21st.
Where: Around campus and also the locker rooms I guess.
Warnings: Swolitude. Tiny towels. Man talk.



The posters have sprung up overnight. Tacked to bulletin boards, plastered on lampposts--anywhere that can feasibly hold a flyer, the posters are there. The question, then, is where are they coming from? Who is putting them up?

The answer is perhaps obvious. If one pays attention, it is not difficult to find one Max Powers around campus with a stapler, one Captain Falcon following him with a stack of flyers.

One can only imagine the things that run through his head. I've saved the universe, he thinks to himself. I am the greatest racecar driver that ever lived, he thinks, with every clack of Max's stapler. I own islands.

And yet

And yet, dear reader, there they are.

Comments

[rivalsolarbeam]

The bulletin board near the student kitchens was prime real estate for such an advertising endeavor. A solemn reminder that everyone that passed through the kitchen doors could turn their soft, food filled bellies into walls of solid abdominal iron. So it was not entirely surprising to see fliers in the process of being hung there.

Witnessing this event on the way towards the kitchen, one Bulba stopped to curiously peer at the paper's contents.

Now, Bulba was a regular in the weight room establishment. He liked the place. But his eyes lingered near the top of the page, and his eyebrows raised in response.

"... Swole as a house..."

Behold Appearing as from a Dream: The Poster Speaks! Or is it Another???

[tank_rockarms]

"Swole as a house," came a voice from behind Bulba, one which encouraged and supported this sentiment with its entire being.

Hie, Dear Viewer, to this quaint scene, wherein Maximilian Justice Powers stood proudly looking at the work of his hands. "You're a Venusaur; you've got loads of potential."

It was true. He did.

[rivalsolarbeam]

And lo, behind him a blue house had appeared. Bulba gazed upon the walking real estate and then glanced down at himself, most of which was tucked away behind the light sweater he was still sporting.

"I think it's been going all right."

[raced_god]

And, if one was paying attention, one could see Falcon shaking his head and muttering "swole as a house" to himself, as if disbelieving that it was even a real phrase composed of real words.

How was that a real phrase composed of real words.

[tank_rockarms]

You only mutter these things, Falcon, because you burn with secret jealousy.

"Vinnie put on like forty pounds of good, lean muscle. You're a big, squat pokemon. Perfect for gettin' huge."

Max, of course, thought that Vinnie could use another 40 pounds of good, lean muscle. Because Max had absurd ideas about these sorts of thing.

[rivalsolarbeam]

Bulba did not think all of those pounds of muscle were entirely Vinnie's own desires. For a brief moment, the mental image of the other Venusaur looking anything near Max entered his mind. It was, to be frank, somewhat terrifying. Bulba glanced at Falcon, comforted to see that the swole was more of Max's thing.

"Don't turn Vinnie into a people box," Bulba stated. "We're attractive enough boxes on our own."

[raced_god]

Falcon offered Bulba a sympathetic glance.

"Be as swole as you want to be." Even if that meant being slightly less swole than what Max wanted you to be. Falcon still couldn't believe he was actually using the word swole.

[rivalsolarbeam]

Bulba could not believe that coach had just used the word swole in a for real sentence.

[raced_god]

Rest assured, he hated himself for it.

[bluetanker]

"Aww, Vinnie ain't got the frame to get super boxy," said Max. "But he can get Vinnie-levels of swole. "You, too, Bulba. Bulba-swole." Max sounded so proud when he said that. Such joy glistened in his throat.

[rivalsolarbeam]

The joy was palpable. Bulba didn't have the heart to immediately crush it.

"... When did swole become a word anyway?"

[tank_rockarms]

"Uh, like, I dunno. A long time?" said Max. "At least in the last three or four years, probably, I heard it get popular."

[raced_god]

"I heard it from you," Falcon replied. But since hearing it from Max, his eyes had been opened to a whole new subculture of brohood, and probably he regretted it a lot.

[rivalsolarbeam]

"I guess it must be a bro code thing," Bulba mused out loud. He did not really hear it being used outside of the weight room himself.

"I don't know if I need more reasons to get new clothes though. I'm really sick of having to get new clothes because of getting bigger."

So many new clothes. So many. He was so sick of clothes shopping. Also of wearing clothes, to be honest, but he was well aware of how Max felt about that.

[tank_rockarms]

"I gotta buy new tank tops all the time. It ain't that bad. You just get new ones. And anyway, wearin' shirts that are too small's fun, 'cause you look super big in 'em," said the man who always looked super big no matter what he was wearing.

[rivalsolarbeam]

"I think flexing out of your shirts on accident all the time and wearing tiny shirts is how you end up with those weird muscle worshippers," Bulba observed.

[tank_rockarms]

Max opened his mouth to say something, then shut it.

[raced_god]

"That's pretty much how it happens," Falcon offered helpfully.

[tank_rockarms]

"People on the internet will turn anything into a fetish. You're famous, you probably got websites dedicated about you, where people write erotic stories about you havin' sex with Goroh," he replied. "And draw pictures. That stop you from bein' you?"

[raced_god]

Falcon was about to say something about how Max's muscle obsession was kind of a fetish, but opted to keep his mouth shut.

"Whatever you say, Max."