O, Signage of Truth and Virtue! Enter into Our Swoledom: Enter into Our Hearts!

[raced_god]

Who: Max, Captain Falcon, you?????
What: Hanging posters. Maybe some other stuff. Maybe whatever you want.
When: Week of April 21st.
Where: Around campus and also the locker rooms I guess.
Warnings: Swolitude. Tiny towels. Man talk.



The posters have sprung up overnight. Tacked to bulletin boards, plastered on lampposts--anywhere that can feasibly hold a flyer, the posters are there. The question, then, is where are they coming from? Who is putting them up?

The answer is perhaps obvious. If one pays attention, it is not difficult to find one Max Powers around campus with a stapler, one Captain Falcon following him with a stack of flyers.

One can only imagine the things that run through his head. I've saved the universe, he thinks to himself. I am the greatest racecar driver that ever lived, he thinks, with every clack of Max's stapler. I own islands.

And yet

And yet, dear reader, there they are.

Comments

His Sonic Boom physique has to come from somewhere

[iamtheeggman]

Ah, Captain Falcon. One among many people that Eggman despised. He didn't really know Max, but if he did, Eggman would probably have despised him too. So he didn't take kindly to them putting up posters for their ridiculous weight room, especially around his office. So the very first thing he did when the posters came up anywhere he was nearby was tear them off the walls in a huff.

[raced_god]

Fortunately for Falcon (but perhaps unfortunately for Eggman), the Captain had no emotional attachment to the posters and didn't flinch when he saw Eggman tearing them down. That did not, however, mean he was going to let it slide. No, his brofriend's hard work was at stake, and also Eggman was a bag of dicks.

"Max isn't going to be happy about you doing that."

[iamtheeggman]

In response to that, Eggman grabbed another poster from the wall and tore it down with gusto. He turned to Falcon, ripping the poster in half right in front of him.

"And what's your point?" he asked.

What a bag of dicks.

[raced_god]

Look. Look how much Falcon didn't actually care.

"My point is that Max isn't going to be happy with you doing that."

Max, who was probably somewhere nearby. Max, who probably had a sixth sense about people messing with his posters.

[iamtheeggman]

Eggman only scoffed at that. "Please. What's the lumbering neanderthal going to do? Sweat on me?" he mocked, dropping the torn up poster.

Your Swole is Deceitful: Take Your Girdle and Flee, Lest My Fists Strike In Righteous Indignation!

[needsmorebiceps]

Max felt a terrible disturbance in the Force disturbance in the Swole.

Max rounded a corner, saw Eggdickbag standing daintily over the torn fragments of a poster, and shifted into 'linebacker' mode immediately; he was a man of action, and forethought was but an infrequent guest at his dinner table. He would take whatever manner of direct action first came into his mind. It happened, upon this moment, to be this case.

The end result being, there's a 360 pound wall of purest muscle heading for you, shoulder out, aiming to tackle you and pin you to the ground.

[iamtheeggman]

Hearing the footfalls behind him, like the stomping of a stampede, Eggman quickly turned and became aware of the mound of human shaped muscle charging him.

"Oh no."

The mad scientist was not prepared for this. At least not yet. He immediately ducked into his office and slammed the door. The sound of the lock clicked in the hallway as he scrambled to find something to defend himself.

[raced_god]

"I told you," Falcon said, folding his arms in anticipation of the ensuing carnage.

Mere Wood Cannot Withstand my Righteous Fury: Behold, the Portal Falls as Paper!

[needsmorebiceps]

It was a waste of time to lock the door as Max's stampede was easily converted to breaking through the door moments after it had been barred shut.

The explosion of door shards seemed frozen in the air as the boulder of a man crashed into the room. Yes, this was the proverbial irresistible force. Here it was. Breaking down your door.

[iamtheeggman]

He knew the door wouldn't hold. That was a foolish thought. But it would be enough time for Eggman to prepare himself. He grabbed a weapon from behind his desk and aimed it for Max.

"STOP RIGHT THERE, OR SUFFER A FATE WORSE THAN CROSSFIT!" he declared.

[raced_god]

He warned you.

He told you, dog.

[needsmorebiceps]

There was no stopping this 100% Orange-Star-Powered Swole Train into Hurtsville. This raging Swolecano of fury and burl. Furl. This muscle-pun object-of-destruction.

He is coming at you and not stopping.

[iamtheeggman]

Seeing that the Beast With A Billion Abs wasn't stopping, Eggman responded in kind.

He fired his strange ray gun at Max.

1 of 2

[bluetanker]

Max disintegrated in a moment of burning conflagration, and then was gone.

REBORN INTO THIS WORLD! BEHOLD MY NEW FORM! MAGIC! FRIENDSHIP! A BRILLIANT LIGHT INTO THE FUTURE!

[bluetanker]

And in his place was a Friendship Pony with blue hair and a little orange tank tramp stamp on his thigh.

[iamtheeggman]

Eggman stopped. He stared down at his gun.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," he mused, scratching his head. "It was SUPPOSED to give you scrawny noodly arms."

[raced_god]

"Uh...."

That was it. That was all Falcon had to say about four-foot-tall blue clydesdale pony Max.

[bluetanker]

"I'm gonna kill you," said Clydesdale Justice Powers, who really had no idea what was going on except he was short, and on four legs -- four blue and very hairy legs.

He leaped at Eggperson, intending to headbutt him into submission. His goal had not changed, merely his application of said goal.

[iamtheeggman]

"Now wait just a--OOF!" Eggman declared as he was headbutted in the gut by the small blue friendship pony. He fell to his knees in pain. "STOP THAT!!"

[raced_god]

Falcon was not touching this one with a ten-foot pole.

[bluetanker]

The blue friendship pony used his teeth to bite Eggman's giant schnoz, now that it was within reach.

[iamtheeggman]

"HOW DARE YOU?!" Eggman screamed in rage. "STOP THAT!!"

"VIVIAN! GET IN HERE!!"

SHE HAS ARRIVED.

[thereyouare]

And given just a few moments, as if she could also detect a disturbance in the force, Vivian came dashing in.

"Doctor!" She announced her arrival, then found herself staring at the GIANT FRIENDSHIP PONY.

She pointed. "Friend?" Chewing on his face.

NOT FRIEND

[bluetanker]

The Friendship Pony let go of the giant nose, because it tasted like eggsweat and sorrow, and resumed with a furious headbutt to Eggman's vast and ne'er-ending midsection.

"CHANGE ME BACK, YOU MUSTACHED DICK," the Friendship Pony yelled in a surprisingly deep and manly voice for a Friendship Pony.

Re: NOT FRIEND

[iamtheeggman]

"NO, NOT A FRIEND AT ALL!" Eggman declared. "THIS HORSE IS TRYING TO EAT MY NOSE!!"

Well, that was an oversimplification of the facts.